


Glued into You

by soonhaee



Series: Glued into You [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Friends With Benefits, Friendship/Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:53:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 55
Words: 64,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27301498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soonhaee/pseuds/soonhaee
Summary: Soonyoung and Jihoon were bestfriends. They met as trainees in one company when they were kids and naturally became closer. It was definitely not a meet cute that's made for romantic movies.They met, but it wasn't a sweetness inducing, and butterfly in the stomach sort of meeting. They met, and the universe stayed the same. They grew even closer when they debuted in the same team.There was nothing special in their relationship until one night, when Jihoon was stuck in an embarrassing situation and Soonyoung was the only one he trusted to bail him out. It was the night they both discovered repressed attractions and dripping sexual tensions.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Series: Glued into You [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2094525
Comments: 56
Kudos: 128





	1. Sexual Attraction = Zero

Soonyoung and Jihoon first met when Soonyoung auditoned for the company. They were normally introduced, a trainee with another trainee. It was definitely not a meet cute that's made for romantic movies. They met, but it wasn't a sweetness inducing, and butterfly in the stomach sort of meeting. They met, and the universe stayed the same. 

They were trainees and focused everything to debuting. They spent every second of their time in the practice room honing their skills to prepare for debut. When they debuted, they thought they’d have more time for themselves, but it turns out, they’d still spending more of their time in the practice room and studio. 

Both grew even closer after debut, since they were the producer and choreographer of the team. If Soonyoung stays in the practice room till the morning, Jihoon would always be there to drag him to take a rest. Soonyoung, on the other hand, will never forget to check on Jihoon and bring food for the other boy who forgets to eat dinner most of the time. It was a comfortable friendship, until the day that Jihoon texted Soonyoung for help, then all their repressed emotions and attractions finally came to light. They were dripping in sexual tension and more. 

**Jihoon to Soonyoung**

As if Jihoon could move, he thought. He was stuck their until Soonyoung comes. He gulped when he realized he was exposing probably the most embarassing thing that every happened to him, to Soonyoung. But there was no other choice, Soonyoung was in fact, the only choice.

**FLASHBACK**

Jihoon was stuck. They were having a comeback in four months and he needed to submit at least six songs. But he was frustrated. He just finished shooting for the Idol Star Athletics Competition, and they lost. Plus, he had to endure several girl group hoobaes flirt with his teammates, some even flirted with Soonyoung. He didn’t know why, it irritated him when their bubble was disturbed. He always felt territorial towards his teammates, especially Soonyoung, even though he does not show it often. Besides, being close to these groups can bring unwanted scandals, which as a team they tried to avoid. 

He was exhausted and needed to distract himself from work, so that he can find rest even for a short while. He browsed the internet for something interesting and he found himself being drawn to an ad for twitter. He signed up with a spare email address. He was greeted with his name on the trending list. 

**Fan's Twitter Post**

****

There were several pictures of him taken by the fans, all clad in yellow, but what caught his attention were several pictures of him and Soonyoung tagged as soonhoon. It wasn’t a secret that the fans loves them together.The fans often ship them with their closest members. Soonyoung is shipped with him, Wonwoo, Mingyu, Seokmin, and Dino. He knew that, but what he didn’t know washow invested the fans were in these couples. He also felt giddy that somehow his simple and normal gesture of resting his head on Soonyoung’s thigh as he lie down on the floor, made the fans happy. 

He browsed further and found a cute video of Soonyoung in different hair colors and shirts. He laughed at how the video maker edited them go with the lyrics. He also found one of his and cringe when he saw that part of the video was the aegyo he was forced to do in weekly Idol.

He browsed further and found another video clip of Soonyoung titled little monster. He clicked and found himself laughing awkwardly in the empty room. He didn’t realized that he bit his own lips as he watched his best friend grinding on the floor. He watched it again, reasoning that he wanted to check from what performances the clips were taken. 

_Shit._ He thought when he found himself sweating after he watched it for the fourth time. 

_Did the ac suddenly turn off?_ He asked himself. 

He browsed further and one fan posted Soonyoung’s performance for their song “Good To Me.” He gulped when he remembered that it was the time when Soonyoung was wearing just a meshed shirt underneath an unbuttoned coat. He unconsciously licked his lips when Soonyoung raised both his hands for one part of the choreography, revealing his tone abs, that he and Jihoon worked hard for with their endless gym sessions.

He couldn’t stop himself and clicked another video post. It was the performance team’s song ‘Who.” Jihoon found himself wiping more sweat as he watched Soonyoung grind his crotch on the floor. 

** Who Performance **

<https://watch.wave.video/5fa62c0846e0fb000cf2559a>

He didn’t know how it happened but he felt his boxers tightened and his thoughts went on a completely different direction. He asked himself how it would feel to be in between Soonyoung’s toned thighs. When he realized what he was thinking and just what happened to his libido, he paled and closed the link. 

He mentally slapped himself for thinking of Soonyoung that way. They were friends and closer than brothers. They went through so much together. They laughed and cried together. They sleep together and even take baths together. It wasn’t something weird, especially since the lived with the other members. They have all seen each other naked. They were together for most part of their lives that they knew everything about each other. They even talk about their sexual dreams and who and not who to bang, not that they have any experience in that area. Their experience was limited to whatever they can see on screen and the four corners of the bathroom for privacy. 

He stood up and went to the bathroom to splash his heated face with cold water. He wanted to get Soonyoung’s image of grinding on the floor out of his mind. But it was not use, he was still feeling warm and his half hard privates refused to cooperate, especially when he remembered how the other boy glistened with sweat. 

Okay, Jihoon just think of happy thoughts. Soonyoung is a friend. Soonyoung is an idiot.

He took an iced cold drink from the refrigerator and went back to browsing twitter. At first he needed to distract himself from work, now he needed to distract himself from his indecent and obscene thoughts of his best friend, his idiot bestfriend. 

There post was a picture of Soonyoung with a text explaining that the boy was suffering from Hanahaki disease. 

What the fuck is that and why did Soonyoung never tell him?  Jihoon thought. 

He decided to ask Soonyoung first thing in the morning. But he grew even more worried when the post said that Soonyoung was dying. He slapped himself when he realized it was some sort of story. The reason Soonyoung was dying was because he had unrequited love for Jihoon. He laughed out loud and cringe over the parts where he supposedly declared that he was also in love with Soonyoung. 

Below the story, was another one but this time with a link to a website called archive of our own. It was full of stories of both of them. He decided to click a story about him and Soonyoung in the recording studio entitled Behind Closed Doors. He thought that surely it was just a simple story of a recording, especially since it said that they were friends. 

**Behind Close Doors**

He was in the middle of reading, when the atmosphere of the story started changing. 

Jihoon gulp as he tried to picture his friend dancing in the booth while he sat on the reclining studio chair. The one in the story was so far from what really happened in real life, but Jihoon could picture Soonyoung doing just that in his black shirt and sweat pants.

Jihoon gulped. He felt the heat rushed to his face when he realized his boxers tightened in the crotch area. He crossed his legs and shivered when his manhood was softly grazed the cloth of his boxers. He straightened his legs again, telling himself that it was just a story and that he shouldn’t be affected by it, especially since it was Soonyoung.

Jihoon awkwardly laugh at what he was reading. There was no way that Soonyoung would crawl towards him slowly, the other boy was a ball of energy and preferred to do things quickly but passionately. Then he realized what he was just thinking and mentally slapped himself.

There was no way Soonyoung would crawl towards him because they were friends, and straight, the last time he checked. He told himself that he just wanted to know what happened to the story.

He ignored his overwhelming desire to touch himself, and instead placed his hands safe on the keyboard, away from his privates and continued reading.

Jihoon gulped. If it were him, he knew just what kind of reward he’d give Soonyoung. He’d taste him the entire night until he—Jihoon stopped when he realized what he was thinking. He slapped his forehead mentally when he couldn’t erase the mental image of his tongue all over Soonyoung, tasting and marking him.

 _Stop it! Lee Jihoon!_ He told himself but nonetheless could not resist the temptation of continuing the story.

Jihoon’s breath hitched when he found himself palming his crotch through his sweatpants. He questioned himself why he was so turned on by the thought of Soonyoung being on his knees, licking every inch of him.

But he was too horny to care. He stood up and double locked his studio door, although he knew no one would come barging in this late in the night. He went back to his computer and started reading again.

Jihoon was already hard imagining Soonyoug’s plump lips on the tip of his manhood. He was too far gone to care, so he took his dick out and started rubbing his thumb over the slit of his cock, imagining that it was Soonyoung tongue. He moaned at the sensation. 

There was already a bead of precum dripping down his length, the slick making it feel so much better. He leaned on the chair and continued reading.

Jihoon started stroking himself but felt that it wasn’t slick enough. He rummaged his drawer with his hand and not really looking since his eyes were focused on the text in front of him, to search for the tube of petroleum jelly he knew he had.

When he felt a tube, he grabbed it and opened it with his teeth. He was already near so he poured it directly to his manhood and felt his hand slide more smoothly. He stroked faster, imagining it was Soonyoung mouth that’s squeezing his manhood, until he was cumming all over his black sweatpants. He held to his manhood and waited for himself to get off his high. He imagined Soonyoung’s mouth dripping with his cum— 

_Shit._ Jihoon thought.

That was one of the mind blowing orgasms he ever had just by jerking off and it was all thanks to Soonyoung’s lips. When his breathing was slowly getting back to normal, he tried to remove his hand from his manhood.

He was still gripping his cock softly but to his surprised he couldn’t release his grip.

_Shit, shit, shit._

He repeated the mantra in his head as he tried again and again and failed over and over again to remove his hands from his dick. He searched for the tube he used and tried to move as much as his position would allow him.

He almost fainted when he saw that instead of using petroleum jelly, he used superglue instead.

“Fuck!” Jihoon yelled.

 _Shit. Shit. Shit._ _I should have stuck to work._ Jihoon thought.

He ran to his bathroom and tried water to remove some of the glue but his hands still wouldn’t budge. He searched for ways to remove the hardened glue but every single thing said to use either nail polish remover or a glue remover. He was close to tears when he heard his phone rang.

“Ye— Yeah?” Jihoon answered. It was Soonyoung, probably calling to check on him like he always do.

“Jihoonie, are you still at the studio?”

“Ye— yeah.”

“Late late late dinner? I’m on my way home from my contemporary class.” Soonyoung asked.

“No thanks.” Jihoon abruptly responded. The last thing he need was to see any of his members at the moment, especially Soonyoung.

“Yah, you’re sleeping in the studio again? Scoups hyung’s gonna kill you.”

“Yup, bye!” He hung up before the other could answer. He wasn’t really in the mood for chit chat as he was already in a panicked state.

He tried warm water on his privates again but it did nothing to loosen the glue. He cried to himself in the corners of his bathroom. He did the only other option he had. He took his phone and texted Soonyoung.

** End of Flashback **


	2. Wet Wet Wet

**Soonyoung Instagram Post**

Soonyoung was exhausted and he knew Jihoon was too. That’s why he tried luring Jihoon with dinner out of his bat cave but Jihoon shut him down. He took a quick shower before crawling to bed, but his exhaustion would not allow him to fall asleep quickly. He thought about the day that went by. There was nothing memorable except for a new girl group trainee from one of the big 3 company asking him for advice for a particular dance move and stuck with him through the whole class. She then asked him out to dinner, but he declined preferring a quiet night alone or maybe with his members.

  
  
He stared at the ceiling willing himself to fall asleep when he felt someone lift up the blanket for a bit.

  
  
He felt the person slowly pulled down his pajamas and boxers and couldn’t help the moan that he released when the person under the covers suddenly engulf his entire manhood with their mouth. He was about to get up when the other person pushed his hips down and just started sucking and licking making Soonyoung shiver from the sensation. He grabbed the blanket to reveal the person under the covers and was shocked to see his best friend, looked at him seducingly as he licked a striped on Soonyoung’s manhood before taking him all in again, hallowing his cheeks as he sucked and took Soonyoung all the way to his throat.

  
Jihoon hummed and Soonyoung could feel feel the soft vibrations of the sound on his cock, pushing Soonyoung nearer to his release.  
  


“Shit! Ji, I’m cumming. Shit—“  
  


_Shit!_

He thought and woke up when he felt himself ejaculating inside of his boxers. He was sweating all over and panting when he realized that the vibration that made him cum was coming from his phone which probably fell on his bed when he fell asleep.

  
  
_Shit. Shit. Shit. Calm down Kwon Soonyoung._ He told himself.

He tried to calm himself down from the high. It wasn’t the first time that ever happened to him, dreaming about Jihoon in a sexual way. He usually forget about it in the morning. But that was the first time that he actually ejaculated from the thought of Jihoon’s mouth on his manhood. He wanted more, maybe even fuck his mouth— he stop his thoughts and slapped himself when he realized that the person he was daydreaming about was his friend.


	3. A Weird Kind of Emergency

Soonyoung couldn’t sleep despite the gut wrenching orgasm he just gad. He was thinking of his first audition and the little kid peeping on the window, when he heard his phone vibrate. He had been thinking of the first time he and Jihoon met each other for several nights now.He usually put his phone on silent whenever he tries to sleep, but since Jihoon was still at the studio, he put it on vibrate.  
  
He pretended to be annoyed when he received the message, but the truth was he was worried. Jihoon always texts him at night, but rarely when he knew that Soonyoung was already sleeping. It was Jihoon’s way of taking care of the other boy, by letting him sleep.

  
  
Soonyoung stood up and rummaged throughout the apartment for a nail polish remover or glue remover. He was about to knock on Seungcheol’s room when he realized that Jihoon won’t appreciate it if Soonyoung tells the other members. He sigh and prepared to go to a nearby convenient store.  
  
The night was cold and he was tired from the dancing the whole day. He tries his best to take care of his other members, but it was only Jihoon that can wake him up in the middle of the night without him creating a huge fuss. If Jihoon needed him, he’s there. That was always their mantra, since they first met in 2011. They naturally gravitated to one another.  
  
There wasn’t something that Soonyoung does not know about Jihoon, and vice versa. Well, except for the occassional wet dreams that he had where Jihoon was the star, Jihoon practically knew everthing there is to know about Soonyoung. They were best friends.  
  


When Soonyoung arrived at the studio, he entered his lock code and the lock was released but the door won’t open.  
  
“Ji? Open up! Why the heck would you bolt the door?”  
  
“Just leave the stuff outside and go home.” Jihoon said.  
  
“Open the door! I came all the way here so you better have a good explanation for this.” Soonyoung wasn’t use to Jihoon being secretive, especially to him.  
  
“Just leave the stuff outside!” Jihoon snapped.  
  
“Fine! Bye!” Soonyoung threw the paper bag at the corner farthest from the door and pretended to leave. But he waited behind a row of tables for Jihoon to open the door.  
  
“Soons? Soonyoung? Yah! Kwon Soonyoung!” Soonyoung watched as the door slowly opened, he was surprised to see that Jihoon had a sweat wrapped around his waist with his hand underneath, he was also crouching when he walked towards the package. Soonyoung got worried and revealed himself to Jihoon, whose eyes widen as he grabbed the package and ran to his studio for safety. But Soonyoung was quicker, by the time that Jihoon arrived at the door, Soonyoung was already inside.  
  


“Yah! Get out!” Jihoon yelled as he tried to get past through Soonyoung to the safety of his bathroom, but Soonyoung blocked him.  
  
“Soonyoung!” Jihoon yelled. Soonyoung realized that Jihoon was close to tears and let the other through. Jihoon immediately locked himself in the bathroom, shutting the door on Soonyoung’s face. Soonyoung went near the bathroom door and knocked.  
  
“Go fucking home Kwon Soonyoung!” Jihoon yelled.  
  
“Yah, I brought that all the way here and that’s how you thank me?” Soonyoung was getting irritated at Jihoon. He did something nice and he deserve gratitude, not curses and yellings.  
  
“Fucking thank you. I told you to leave, so fucking leave!”  
  
“Wow, first stop cursing! Second, what is it? I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong!” Soonyoung yelled. He was getting frustrated with Jihoon’s attitude and worried.  
  
“Just leave.” Jihoon said.

Soonyoung can now hear Jihoon’s sob inside.  
  


“Yah, it’s okay. Don’t cry Jihoonie, I’m leaving.” Soonyoung said a little more softly. He was about to leave when he heard Jihoon cried even more.  
  
“Yah! Lee Jihoon! Are you okay? Whatever it is tell me man, I’m getting worried here.” Soonyoung said as he tried to open the bathroom door again.  
  
“I fucked up.” Jihoon said. “I’m going to open the door, don’t you fucking laugh.”  
  
“Dude, when did I—“  
  
“Just shut up Kwon, if you laugh, I’ll beat you to pulp.” Jihoon threatened through the door.  
  
“Okay, okay.”  
  


Jihoon slowly opened the door and walked outside, crouching a little with his hand still under the sweatshirt he tied around his waist. His eyes swollen and nose were puffy red. There were tear stains on his cheeks. He walked towards his computer chair and faced Soonyoung who still looked confused as ever.  
  
“What am I looking at Ji?” Soonyoung asked.  
  
“Well, I kind of— I spend the— I—“  
  
“Just blurt it out dude!”  
  
“I glued my hand to my dick! Okay?!” Jihoon snapped.  
  
“What?” Soonyoung asked not sure if he heard it correctly.  
  
“I glued myself.”  
  


Soonyoung sat and stay silent for a minute or two before bursting to laughter. Jihoon grabbed one of his displayed stuff toys and threw at Soonyoung who laughed even more.  
  


“Yah! It’s not funny! It hurts a little bit.” Jihoon said. “Okay, nevermind. I should have never— nevermind. Just go.” That stopped Soonyoung’s laughter.  
  
“I’m sorry.” But Jihoon just continued ignorning him. Soonyoung felt bad when he saw that Jihoon’s shoulder was shaking. Jihoon rarely cries, so it alarmed him to see the other boy openly sobbing.  
  
“Hey Ji, there’s nothing to worry about. I’m here. Let’s deal with this together.” Soonyoung said turning the computer chair to face him at he sat on the coffee table. He pulled Jihoon closer to him.  
  
“So, I think hospital is definitely out of our options.” Soonyoung said.  
  
“You think dummy?” Jihoon snapped.  
  
“Hey, don’t be harsh. I know I am but this dummy’s the only one here to help you.” Soonyoung said smiling a little to deflate Jihoon’s fear and embarassment even for a little bit. It worked, Jihoon laughed and sigh.  
  
“So, let me see the damage.” Soonyoung said trying to make his voice as even as possible. They’ve seen each other naked when they change and shower together. But for some reason, Soonyoung felt nervous, especially since he just had a dream about Jihoon. He absentmindedly stare at Jihoon’s lips and wondered how soft were them to touch. He woke up from his reverie when Jihoon flicked his forehead.  
  
“Focus!” Jihoon said. “Help me with this sweater.”  
  
Jihoon stood up and turned his back against Soonyoung so that he could easily untie the sweater. When Soonyoung finally removed it, Jihoon took a deep breath before facing Soonyoung, who was sitting on the coffee table and blushed when came face to face with Jihoon’s manhood.  
  
It was pretty, pinkish, clean and to Soonyoung’s surprise, groomed.  
  
Soonyoung unconsciously licked his lips, and blushed when he realized what he just didprete. He pretended to examine just how stuck Jihoon was. He took his phone and researched just how to do it.  
  
“Okay, sit first, while I get some warm water and cotton for the.. for your.. for..” Soonyoung didn’t finish his sentence and just went to the bathroom. He grabbed a bowl of ramen and remove what’s inside to use the bowl to warm the water in the microwave. He placed everything on a tray, together with the stuff he brought.  
  
“Okay, I took your towel by the way and cut it out. I needed to soak it in warm water. Can you sit at the edge of the chair and open your legs wide?” Soonyoung asked. Jihoon blushed when Soonyoung knelt in front of him.  
  
“I can do it.” Jihoon said as his hand trembled to reach for the towel in Soonyoung’s hand.  
  
“It’s okay, Ji. It’s just me.” Soonyoung said, huskily. Jihoon gulped and moved to sit at the edge of the chair.  
  
Jihoon’s breath hitched when Soonyoung softly touch his thigh and guided them to spread wider. He then touched the hand that’s gripped over his manhood and examined it more closely down to his balls.  
  
Jihoon was profusely blushing when he realized that Soonyoung was kneeling in front of him examining his genitals.  
  
“Ji? Did you pour the glue?”  
  
“Uhm.. yeah.”  
  
“Okay, your entire.. uhmm.. thing. Well, it’s covered. Can I.. Uhm.. touch it?” Soonyoung asked. He was also blushing. He was so nervous but he needed to reign it all in, to help Jihoon.  
  
“Okay.” Jihoon whispered. He was trembling all over. He didn’t know if he was feeling hot from the embarrassment or from the intimacy of what they’re doing.  
  
  
Soonyoung cut out several pieces of towel which he soaked in warm water. He took them piece by piece and place them on Jihoon’s genitals and some on his balls.  
  
“It’s supposed to soften the dried glue.” Soonyoung said while he absentmindedly held on to Jihoon’s thigh and comfortingly brushed his thumb repeatedly on Jihoon’s inner thigh. Jihoon shivered from the way that Soonyoung was touching him. He was being careful and comforting.  
  
“Ji, are you okay?”  
  
“Yes, just embarassed. That’s all.” Jihoon admitted.  
  
“Why? It’s just me.” Their eyes met and Soonyoung smiled. “We can just cross this out on our bucket list.” Soonyoung said making Jihoon laughed out loud.  
  
After a few minutes, Soonyoung replaced the towels with ones that were newly soaked in warm water.  
  
  
He went to retrieve the petroleum jelly on Jihoon’s desk.  
  
“I don’t think it’s working. I’m going to use this.” Soonyoung said referring to the petroleum jelly on his hand. He knelt in front of Jihoon again and coated one finger. He looked at Jihoon for approval, the other boy nodded. So, Jihoon started coating Jihoon’s genital with petroleum jelly.  
  
He softly rubbed some it on Jihoon’s dick and started stroking it, hoping to soften the dried glue. It made Jihoon shiver from the sensation and made the other close his eyes from the feeling it was giving him, despite the current situation that they were in. Instead of softening the dried glue, it was making Jihoon hard.  
  
  
Jihoon grabbed Soonyoung’s hand to stop him from further stroking him.  
  
“I’m sorry, Soons. I— That’s— I think—“ Jihoon tried to explain but not quite finding the right words. How does one explain to a friend that despite the situation they were in, he found his body reacting to his touch?  
  
Soonyoung noticed Jihoon’s dilemma.  
  
“It’s okay, Ji. I think it’ll be better to be hard, to stretch the skin. Maybe it’ll be easier to scrape off the dried glue.”  
  
“Soons, I don’t think—“ Jihoon took a deep breath. “I don’t think— I think I should— I don’t know.”  
  
“Oh, okay. Why don’t you think of ways to make yourself hard? You can jerk yourself off or something. I’m sure it’ll be easier that way. I’ll go warm the water again.” Soonyoung said as a matter of fact. He stood up and brought his make shift basin the the bathroom.  
  
  
Soonyoung hurriedly went to the bathroom and pour the water down the drain. He wanted to give Jihoon a bit of privacy, but he also needed time to breathe. He can’t believe he just did that, but more importantly he couldn’t believe that his body was reacting to what he just did. He was already half hard and he was feeling guilty. He felt like he crossed some kind of unspoken boundary between them. He splashed some water on his face and slapped himself. He breath some more willing his hard on the go away.  
  
  
When he came out again, Jihoon was harshly rubbing the petroleum jelly over his privates. He was sobbing.  
  
“Yah! Jihoon-ah, stop it!” Soonyoung ran to the other boy and stopped him. He pulled the other into a hug. “It’s going to be okay. We survived training in this hell hole, we’re going to survive this.”  
  
When Jihoon stopped crying, Soonyoung released him and wipe away the tears on Jihoon’s cheeks.  
  
“Now tell me, who can ever say they ever experienced something like this with their best friend? Only us.” Soonyoung said which made Jihoon smile for a bit.  
  
“Okay, I think the petroleum jelly helped for a bit. But not enough to detach your hand. I’m going to use the glue remover and the nail polish remover. It’s supposed to sting though.” Soonyoung explained.  
  
“It’s okay.”  
  
“Ji, if you’re uncomfortable just tell me. I can find a doctor and I’ll pay him lots of—“  
  
“No, it’s okay. I rather that it’s you, than a stranger.”  
  
“Okay. It’s just that—“ Jihoon inhaled deeply before continuing. “My body, well, it reacts to..”  
  
“React to me?”  
  
“Yeah. I don’t want us to be awkward and—“ Jihoon stammered.  
  
“Wow, I can’t believe I have that effect on the great Lee Jihoon.” Soonyoung joked.  
  
“No, you don’t. Don’t let it get into your head.”  
  
“I totally do!”  
  
Jihoon tried to kick Soonyoung away, which the latter tried to escape.  
  
“I can’t believe I’m letting you manhandle me like this." Jihoon joked.  
  
“Yah, I’m only trying to help. Ouch!” Soonyoung yelped when Jihoon kicked him again. “Just admit it Jihoonie, my touch’s making you ha—“

Jihoon kicked him again before he could finish his sentence.  
  
Soonyoung pouted and started dabbing acetone on the towel before rubbing it between Jihoon’s hand and his manhood.

Jihoon clenched his fist when Soonyoung’s face went nearer to his member. He could feel Soonyoung’s warm breath on his dick. He clenched his hands to keep himself from bucking up. The feeling was distracting him from the sting from the acetone. As Soonyoung continued with his task, he found himself reacting more and more to Soonyoung’s breath.  
  
Soonyoung, on the other hand, was thinking about a cow pooping, a pig squealing, anything to keep himself from thinking that he was inches away from Jihoon’s manhood and the other boy was clearly reacting to his touch, since Jihoon had became hard and there was a bead of precum on his tip. He was trying so hard to stop himself from sticking his tongue out to lick that little bead of precum on Jihoon’s tip. But despite all his efforts, he was miserably failing. He can’t stop thinking about how Jihoon would taste.  
  
  
Soonyoung continued his task successfully removing his hand. But there were still dried glue so he continued his task, while Jihoon clenched his free hand into a fist. He had an overwhelming desire to grab Soonyoung’s hair. He pinched himself but when Soonyoung started stroking his shaft with the towel and he started losing control.  
  
“Soons...” Jihoon moaned as he felt a familiar knot in his stomach. Jihoon grabbed Soonyoung’s hands.  
  
“Stop.” Jihoon said still panting. Beads of sweat decorated Jihoon’s forehead. When he saw Soonyoung, the latter was also sweating and panting. Their eyes met and Jihoon saw the heat behind Soonyoung’s gaze. It wasn’t only him that’s affected. Soonyoung’s eyes also had the same intensity as Jihoon. Soonyoung’s mouth was slightly parted, while his warm hands rested on Jihoon’s thighs.  
  
  
They looked at each other for a full minute before Soonyoung grabbed Jihoon’s nape at the same time that Jihoon leaned in. Their lips clashed harshly as they try to pull each other closer. Soonyoung opened his mouth welcoming Jihoon’s invading tongue. Soonyoung stood up bringing Jihoon with him, lips still dancing as Soonyoung guided them to the couch.  
  
Soonyoung was surprised when Jihoon pushed him to the couch but immediately went on top of him, covering his lips with his. He sucked on Soonyoung’s tongue for a bit before biting his lower lip. Jihoon’s hand right hand found its way under Soonyoung’s shirt making the other gasp when Jihoon rub his thumb on Soonyoung’s buds. He released Soonyoung’s lips for a while only to start kissing his jaw and suck on the skin below his ear.  
  
  
Soonyoung was so hard he bucked his hips up for a bit of contact. When Jihoon realized what Soonyoung was trying to do, he unzip Soonyoung’s pants and grabbed his shaft, making Soonyoung shudder as Jihoon thumbed the slit, spreading his precum all over his shaft. Jihoon then took both of their cocks in his hand and started stroking them together. While his lips continued sucking on Soonyoung’s neck determined to leave a mark.  
  
“Jihoon, I need you to—“  
  
Jihoon did not let Soonyoung finish his sentence and invaded his mouth again. Soonyoung moaned through the kiss. His hands found their way to Jihoon’s hair, pulling him closer to him.  
  
They continued kissing until both were shivering and shuddering as Jihoon took both of them over the edge and finally to their release.  
  
They were immobilized for a minute, out of breath and sweaty on the couch of Jihoon’s studio. Jihoon’s kiss started becoming less aggressive. He gave Soonyoung’s bottom lips one more bite before releasing the other boy completely.  
  
He grabbed a tissues from the box and started cleaning his hand and Soonyoung. He then zipped Soonyoung’s pants for him and pulled him into a sitting position. He fixed his hair and shirt. He couldn’t look Soonyoung straight in the eye. When he was done, he stood up and locked himself in the bathroom.

**Jihoon's Twitter Post**

****

**Soonyoung's Twitter Post**

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rants:
> 
> https://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> or 
> 
> tw: @soonhaee


	4. Silence

Soonyoung watched Jihoon walked away from him and locked himself in the bathroom. He was shaken up with the turn of events and didn’t know how to process what just happened. But he expected Jihoon to at least talk to him, and not leave him with this overwhelming guilt at the pit of his stomach that maybe he did something wrong. Soonyoung needed Jihoon to tell him that everything that happened was okay. He looked at the door of the comfort room where Jihoon was currently holed up. He badly wanted to knock and force Jihoon to face him but decided against it. He knew Jihoon needed the time to process everything. 

He waited for half an hour before finally deciding to talk to Jihoon. He thought about it and was hurt with the way Jihoon just left him alone in the couch. He stood up and walk towards the bathroom door. He knocked several times and called out to Jihoon, but the latter would not even respond and open the door. So, he went back to his original place in the couch. 

After an hour of waiting, he decided to knock one last time.

“Ji, can we please talk? You know where to find me. I’ll just go home, since obviously you don’t want to talk to me.”

When Jihoon did not respond, he let himself out and walked home. He thought about what happened. Maybe he should have controlled himself better or maybe they should have called someone else, but that didn’t make sense. He thought of whether he regretted it or not, and he did not. He did not regret it, but it scared him. What if Jihoon decides that their friendship was over, he thought. So, he texted Jihoon but the other boy did not reply.

**Soonyoung's Message to Jihoon**

When he got home, he went straight back to bed, hoping that tomorrow, Jihoon would still be his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rants:
> 
> https://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Twitter: @soonhaee
> 
> Feel free to drop comments and questions! :)  
> Thank you!


	5. Regrets

Jihoon locked himself in the bathroom instead of talking to Soonyoung. He didn’t know what happened to them. He didn’t know what possessed him to kiss Soonyoung like he did. He didn’t know how in the span of one night, everything he knew in this world were turned upside down.  
  
He wanted to talk to Soonyoung, but he didn’t know what to say. He wanted so much to talk to Soonyoung, but guilt was killing him. He also needed to sort out his thoughts. But most importantly, he needed think about how their little thirst would affect their friendship.  
  
When he was sure that Soonyoung left, he opened the door and threw himself on the couch where he allowed exhaustion to take over his mind and finally falling asleep.  
  
He woke up the next morning with his privates still sore from that night’s activity. He cleaned up the mess in his studio, open the bathroom vent, and the door. He then sprayed air freshener in the entire room. When he was satisfied that the lingering smell of their activity that night was gone, he locked the door and went for a walk.  
  
He dropped by a nearby coffee shop and ordered the strongest coffee they had. He sat by the window and watched people go about their day. His phone lit up with a new message in their group chat.

**Group chat**

****

Jihoon ran to the company at full speed. It wasn’t like him to forget meetings but after the night he had, he have himself a break.  
  
Everyone was already in their seats. They were supposed to decide on the album concepts today based on the draft of the songs that Jihoon had already finished.  
  
“I’m sorry. I forgot.”  
  
The members gave him a weird look. They were used to Jihoon being on time, but they let it slide. They knew it was the time of month that Jihoon feels pressured the most.  
  
“Jihoon, where are we on the songs?” Their creative director, Hyelim, asked.  
  
“I’m working on it.” Jihoon said curtly.  
  
“Okay, please inform me this week for the progress of each song. I know we have 4 months but with your several schedules line up and several more concerts before the tour officially ends, I need to see the songs progress bit by bit.”  
  
“Okay noona.” Jihoon answered. Except for a few times where he was addressed, he remained quiet for the rest of the meeting. When it ended, he immediately walked out and locked himself in the studio.

**Jihoon and Soonyoung's Post**

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For violent reactions:
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> 🐥: @soonhaee
> 
> 💙
> 
> Please stream: Home;run  
> Don't forget to drop your votes for MAMA! You can use 10 different accounts per IP!
> 
> Thank you for reading! Stay Positive!


	6. WORRIED

Soonyoung tried so many times to catch Jihoon’s eyes during the meeting, but the other succeeded in avoiding him. He was going to talk to him afterwards but the other immediately left and locked himself in the studio. Soonyoung contemplated knocking but he knew Jihoon. With everything piling up, he needed to give Jihoon some space. So, instead of going to the studio, he went to the practice room to prepare formation drafts which he can use later on for the choreography once the song is done.

**Soonyoung's Instagram Post**

****

A few days after, they were on their way to Japan for their dome tour, and Jihoon was still not talking to Soonyoung. Some of the members noticed it but chose to kept quiet, since they know both were facing huge pressure for the upcoming album. Seungcheol once casually asked Soonyoung, but Soonyoung just shrugged because he didn’t really know what’s going on.  
  
Soonyoung was also hurt with Jihoon’s post referring to whatever that happened to them as a mistake and that he regretted it. Soonyoung didn’t quite understand what they shared that night, but he never thought of as a mistake. It was quite the opposite for him. He wanted so much to be able to talk to Jihoon but the other boy kept avoiding him.  
  
But to his luck, he drew Jihoon as roommate for the tour. He hoped that they could finally talk. But to Soonyoung’s dismay, the other boy was nowhere to be seen. He walked around the hotel looking for Jihoon, he gave eventually and went back to their room, where he found Jihoon already asleep.  
  
“Ji? I don’t know if you’re really sleeping or not, but in case you’re not, just listen. You’re not the only one confused. Whatever you’re feeling, I’m feeling it too. I hate this. I hate that there’s seems to be this barrier between us. We’ve been friends for a long time, and I hate to ruin that over what happened. It was my fault, Jihoon and I’m sorry. It will never happen again. I promise. But for what’s it worth, I never.. I never.. nevermind. So, will you just please talk to me. We can’t keep going on like this.” Soonyoung said to Jihoon’s back.  
  
He hoped that Jihoon would acknowledge what he said but the younger one didn’t even move for a bit.  
  
Soonyoung sigh and decided to just go to bed. When he woke up the next morning, Jihoon was already gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For violent reactions:
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> 🐥: @soonhaee
> 
> 💙
> 
> Please stream: Home;run  
> Don't forget to drop your votes for MAMA! You can use 10 different accounts per IP!
> 
> Thank you for reading! Stay Positive!


	7. Jihoon's Dilemma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: 🔞🔞🔞

After three weeks of touring in Japan, they finally put a close to their Ode to You Tour. It was their last night so they had a mini celebration in one of the mini function rooms of the hotel.  
  
Except for Soonyoung’s incident, the tour was successful with every stop sold out and an encore concert was already requested.

Soonyoung dislocated his shoulder in the middle of a performanc and was forced to sit out a few songs. He went back in for their unit performances after a medic has put his shoulders back in place.  
  
It was also the first time in weeks that Jihoon directly addressed Soonyoung.

**FLASHBACK**

“Are you crazy?” Jihoon yelled at Soonyoung who was panting after their unit’s performance. Soonyoung pretended not to hear. He didn’t want to get into an argument when they were in the middle of a concert. So, he just proceeded to the dressing room to change.  
  
Bur Jihoon was insistent and followed him to the dressing room.   
  
“Yah! Better sit this one out! You’re not—“  
  
“I don’t think you have any right to tell me what to do right now, after ignoring me for so long.” Soonyoung snapped. He was shaking in anger at Jihoon who only seemed to care when he’s hurt then ignores him the rest of the time. He quickly changed and went back to wait at the backstage together with the rest of the performance team.  
  
“I’m sorry.” Jihoon whispered as he watched Soonyoung walked away from him.

**End of Flashback**

He watched as his members let loose for a little bit, drinking and singing their own songs in accappella.  
  
Jihoon’s gaze fall upon Seokmin who was trying to make Soonyoung dance. Soonyoung politely declined and just settled back in his seat.  
  
“Aigoo, our Soonyoungie is sad.” Jeonghan said as he wrapped his arms around his dongsaeng. Jihoon noticed that the two had been living closer than usual. Soonyoung rested his head on Jeonghan’s shoulder with a pout. Their eyes met for a second, but Soonyoung quickly averted his gaze and snuggled closer to Jeonghan.  
  
Jihoon’s ached for a bit. He didn’t know what he felt exactly, so he focused on his drinks instead.  
  
“Yah, Jihoon-ah, slow down on the beer.” Seungcheol warned him. He ignored Seungcheol and just wallowed in his misery. He was guilty for what happened with Soonyoung, but he was even guiltier for completely ignoring the other. He was torn between wanting to grab Soonyoung for a kiss and push him away to salvage their friendship.  
  
A few weeks ago, he didn’t even know if he like men, but he knew there was something that he felt for Soonyoung. He just didn’t know what it was. He didn’t know if he was attracted to men in general. The only thing he was sure about was that he was attracted to Soonyoung and genuinely like him without a trace of doubt.

Soonyoung was always a constant presence in his life, but now that they were not talking, he found himself terribly missing him. He found himself always searching for the other boy, just admiring how his eyes lit up when he smiles, or how his front teeth pokes out whenever he crunches his face in a smile, how his face changed from an adorable hamster to that of a tiger when he’s performing and how luscious lips are especially when he pouts. He even found his fingers adorable.

Jihoon knew all of these before, but he swept them aside as simple admiration and affection for his friend. Now, that affection had turned into something else, a hunger and thirst that only Kwon Soonyoung can fill.

He took another swig of his beer and stared at Soonyoung. He noticed that Soonyoung was wearing a blue stripe button up shirt which he paired with black shorts. Two of the buttons on Soonyoung’s shirt were undone, exposing his neck and collarbones. Jihoon wanted to reach out, right then and there. He had an overwhelming desire to bite and suck on Soonyoung’s exposed skin and leave several marks and bruises to tell the world that Soonyoung is his and no one else.

He noticed how Soonyoung’s shorts hitched higher every time he moves.  
Jihoon gulped when for a moment he could see the outline of Soonyoung’s privates. He desperately wanted to trace them with his tongue and tease him into a moaning mess. 

Jihoon licked his lips when Soonyoung accidentally spilled water as he drink. Some of which dripped down his throat. Jihoon could feel the tightness in his pants grew with each passing moment that he watched Soonyoung. He drank some more as his hard on strained his pants demanding to be set free. 

He was startled when Soonyoung stood up disturbing his view and excused himself. Jeonghan also stood up and they walked together towards the elevator.  
  
Jihoon found himself quickly standing up and slowly followed Soonyoung and Jeonghan as they closely walked towards the elevator. He watched as Jeonghan put his arms around Soonyoung’s waist as they get in the elevator.

Jihoon was still in a dilemma whether to follow or not when the elevator doors closed. He found himself not liking the feeling of Soonyoung going up to their room with his hyung, so he ran and immediately took another elevator to follow Soonyoung.  
  
He ran towards their hotel room which was just about to shut. When he entered only a startled Soonyoung was there and Jeonghan was nowhere to be found.  
  
“Where’s Jeonghan Hyung?” Jihoon ji asked.  
  
“He went back down. He just wanted to make sure I make it to my room in one piece.” Soonyoung answered curtly and turned his back on Jihoon. But Jihoon stopped him and pushed him towards the wall.

“Good.” Jihoon whispered before leaning in to aggressively kiss Soonyoung. He forced Soonyoung’s mouth open with his tongue and devoured him like there was no tomorrow. He sucked and bit on his lower lips but it wasn’t enough. He needed more.

He could feel Soonyoung trying to push him away, so without breaking the kiss, he grabbed both his hands and placed them above his head. He let go of Soonyoung’s lips and traced open mouth kisses along Soonyoung’s jaw and neck. He sucked on each part, leaving a trail of marks from his neck down to Soonyoung’s collar bone. 

  
“Jihoon..” Soonyoung moaned from the sensation, anger already forgotten and completely surrendering to the hot pleasure that Jihoon’s mouth had brought.  
  
“I want to taste you, may i?” Jihoon asked in between kisses. There was nothing more that he wanted to do than have Soonyoung cum in his mouth. He was craving Soonyoung and Jihoon felt it was the best way he could satisfy his cravings.   
  
“Ye— yes.”  
  
  
Jihoon released Soonyoung from the kiss and knelt down. He lifted Soonyoung’s shirt and planted open mouth kisses on Soonyoung’s abs slowly descending to his groin. Jihoon licked his lips when he saw Soonyoung erection trying to set free. Jihoon traced Soonyoung’s clothe cock with his mouth making Soonyoung squirm from the contact.

“Ji..” 

He quickly worked on unzipping’s Soonyoung’s shorts, impatient to have Soonyoung already in his mouth. Jihoon could feel Soonyoung panting and shuddering from anticipation.

He was able to free Soonyoung from his shorts and boxers, shorts pooling on Soonyoung’s ankle. Jihoon came face to face with Soonyoung’s hardness, already leaking in precum and his mind went crazy with want that he immediately engulf Soonyoung’s manhood with his mouth.

Jihoon didn’t really know what he was doing. But he was overwhelmed with his desire to taste Soonyoung that he devoured Soonyoung’s manhood with so much intensity that Soonyoung knees became so weak and he almost fell down.  
  
“Ji, I’m near.”  
  
Jihoon took Soonyoung deeper until he could feel him in his throat. The harshness of Soonyoung’s cock on his throat made him so hard. He found his hand inside his pants and jerked himself off in the same rhythm that he bobbed his head.

He felt Soonyoung hands found their way into his hair and grabbed them as he thrust into Jihoon’s mouth with unyielding ferocity making Jihoon gagged for a bit. But Jihoon welcomed the feeling with open arms. 

He was so turned on from the harsh feeling of Soonyoung cock in his mouth that he came in his hand without warning.  
  
Not long after, Soonyoung shuddered and released all of his juices in Jihoon’s mouth. He lapped it all down not wanting to waste a single drop, savoring the taste of Soonyoung. He left one last lick from the based of Soonyoung’s shaft to the tip and slightly sucked on in making the other pant harder.   
  
When he was done, he pulled up Soonyoung’s shorts and fixed him up. Jihoon then leaned in for a short kiss and then pulled Soonyoung towards the bed where they lie together.

Jihoon pulled Soonyoung towards him in a tight embrace, just wanting to be close.

Soonyoung tried to shift a little but Jihoon just held him tighter. He couldn’t help but smile as he fell asleep in Jihoon’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!
> 
> Tags for our vobo’s birthday: 
> 
> #오선위의_찬란한별_우지야_생일축하해  
> #OurVoboWOOZIday  
> #HappyWooziDay  
> @pledis_17


	8. Soonyoung's Tears

Soonyoung woke up to an empty bed, worst to an empty room. Jihoon’s luggage was gone. It seemed that after he fell asleep, Jihoon left him alone. Jihoon left without leaving a note and without even texting him. Soonyoung felt devastated. He wouldn't have felt that way if it were just some person, not that he has any experience in that department, but it was Jihoon.

**Soonyoung to Jihoon**

****

**Soonyoung to Group chat**

****

Soonyoung looked around the room and felt so alone. After what happened that night, Soonyoung felt used. He didn’t notice that he was already tearing up. He couldn’t believe Jihoon could ever do that to him. They were supposed to be friends. Soonyoung hugged himself and started sobbing. It hurt to be left alone, especially by someone you trusted. Soonyoung hugged his knees to his chest as he cried. He hated himself for allowing Jihoon to treat him that way, for giving in despite not having talked first. He should have stopped Jihoon and asked to talk, but Jihoon had always had a way of making Soonyoung agree to anything.   
  
“Hyung? Hey, what happened?” Soonyoung didn’t notice when Mingyu walked in the room. He was still crumpled under the bed wallowing in self pity and hurt.  
  
“I’m sorry. I’m okay. I just feel.. I don’t know.” Soonyoung cried. He couldn't tell Mingyu what he was feeling without revealing their little secret. He didn't even know if he was allowed to tell anybody. He also didn't want to talk about Jihoon with other people. He didn't want to mar the image they have of him.   
  
Mingyu sat beside Soonyoung and pulled the other in his arms as he cried. He had no idea what was going on or what happened, but he knew it must have been bad if his usually cheerful hyung was bawling his eyes out.   
  
“It’s okay, hyung. You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to. But I’m here, okay?” Mingyu said and continued to rub Soonyoung's back hoping to bring a little bit of comfort to his beloved hyung.   
  
“Thanks Mingoo.” Soonyoung said and snuggled closer to his dongsaeng.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	9. Jihoon's Mistake

Jihoon woke up in the middle of the night loving the feeling of being engulf in everything Soonyoung. The older boy was sleeping on his arms with his face buried in his chest. He loved the warmth of Soonyoung’s arms around his waist. He loved how Soonyoung’s breath feels on his chest. He loved how Soonyoung’s hair tickles his nose. Without meaning to, he pulled Soonyoung closer to him, giving him a soft peck on the forehead, hoping the feeling would last. He could wake up to this every morning, Jihoon thought.

  
He stiffened when he realized just what he was thinking. It came from being confused as to what he was currently feeling, to wanting something more. It scared him. The quick transition of his thoughts and wants scared him. They were best of friends and something beyond that was simply unacceptable, especially in the industry that they were in. What they were doing was going to be a huge scandal if anyone finds out. It terrified him. 

  
So, without thinking twice, he packed his bags and without even looking back left Soonyoung, who was still sound asleep unaware of the heartbreak that was waiting for him.

  
He was on the plane when he realized what he had just done. He left without even saying good bye. He ran out without thinking of how Soonyoung would feel waking up without him. He was home when realized that it was a mistake. That it was his best friend that he just treated like garbage. He knew he was an asshole, but never thought he could be so much more of an asshole than what he already was. He couldn't believe what he did, especially to the person that was currently the most important one in his life.

He rummaged his bag for his phone, hesitating on what to do. He was hoping that it wasn't too late to rectify his mistake. Maybe he could even give Soonyoung an excuse, tell him that the company needed him home. He just wanted to talk to Soonyoung and apologize for being an asshole, again.

When he finally gathered enough courage, he was already home. He tried calling Soonyoung that night, hoping he wasn’t too mad at him, but his calls all went straight to voicemails. He sigh when he realized that Soonyoung had no intention of picking up his calls. Why would he? When all Jihoon had been for the past months was an asshole. He browsed his instagram when he saw a post of Mingyu, he was glad that Soonyoung was not alone, but he could feel tiny pricks if jealousy blooming in his heart, and it terrified him again.

**Mingyu's Post**

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	10. Soonyoung’s Anger

They were supposed to be on vacation, but Soonyoung was not in the mood. So, he asked the hyungs if he can be excused from all activies. But the performance team successfully managed to convinced him to attend a dance class. They knew they were on vacation, but dance classes were always a must for them.  
  
After that he felt a little bit better, plus Mingyu was looking at him with worry and he didn’t want to worry Mingyu any further so he decided to join Wonwoo’s group who was just going to take a stroll along the area for light shopping.  
  
“Hyung! You were supposed to be with our group!” Mignyu whined.

  
“Sorry Gyu, I’m not really in the mood for an amusement park.”  
  
They said their farewells and went on separate ways. Soonyoung joined Wonwoo, Minghao, and Vernon. He wanted a quiet afternoon.  
  
“Hoshi-ah, come on.” Wonwoo grabbed him as they make there way into the crowd.  
  
“Where are we going?”  
  
“I want to take a picture here. Vernon-ah! Take our pic.” Wonwoo said as he gave Vernon the camera. They also took a group photo with Vernon and Minghao before leaving for another place.  
  
After an hour of looking around, Vernon and Minghao decided that they want to go somewhere else but Soonyoung was exhausted so he told them he’d just get back to the hotel. Wonwoo offered to go with him. They were in the car when Wonwoo asked:  
  
“What’s wrong?”  
  
“What?” Soonyoung was startled with Wonwoo’s question.  
  
“You’re sad. Did you and Jihoon fight?”  
  
“Don’t worry about it.”  
  
“Everybody is worried about it, Soons. You haven’t been talking to each other, and then you’re always moping. We have a comeback coming—“  
  
“If that’s what everybody’s worried about, don’t be. I know my responsibility to the team.”  
  
“Of course that’s not why we’re worried! We’re worried because we’re you friends. Soons, I’m not going to force you, okay? But maybe it will help if you talk to someone, it doesn’t even have to be me. Just talk, okay?” Wonwoo said.  
  
“I’m sorry. I will, don’t worry.”  
  
“We’re more than just a team, we’re family. Don’t forget that.” Wonwoo pulled Soonyoung into a hug. They have been friends for a long time, but this was the only time that Wonwoo had seen Soonyoung deflated. He knew something was going on with Jihoon. Wonwoo respected that, but he also wanted to remind Soonyoung that he wasn’t alone.  
  
“I know. You’re such a sap Jeon.” Soonyoung smile as he returned Wonwoo’s hug.  
  
“Come on, you owe me dinner.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Because I said so.”  
  
Soonyoung laughed at one of his oldest friend’s joke. They ended up in the hotel room. They ordered a bunch of food and binge watched movies, until Wonwoo fell asleep. Soonyoung watched his friend sleep. He thought about what Wonwoo said. He wanted to tell him. He knew Wonwoo would understand, but he needed someone with a little bit of experience in this department, and Wonwoo was not. Wonwoo was too much of a geek for that, there’s too much innocence, and he didn’t want to ruin that.  
  
Soonyoung found himself knocking on Jeonghan’s door. Seokmin opened the door, and invited Soonyoung in. Seokmin must have seen Soonyoung’s hesitation and told them he was going to sleep with the maknae line that night.  
  
“What’s up? Don’t think about it and just blurt it out.” Jeonghan advised when he noticed Soonyoung struggling to find words to say.  
  
“I’m mad at Jihoon.” Soonyoung finally said. Jeonghan just stayed silent and waited for Soonyoung to continue. Jeonghan noticed that Soonyoung was clenching his fist and trying to control his tears.  
  
“Something happened and he sort of abandoned me with these confusing thoughts without even an ounce of care. The first time it happened, he didn’t talk to me for weeks. Three days before, he sort of cornerned me and I thought everything was already fine but he abandoned me in the morning.” Soonyoung explained.  
  
“When you say something happened..” Jeonghan asked.  
  
“Uhmm.. sexually.”  
  
“So, you had sex?”  
  
“No! Just stuff other than sex.” Soonyoung blushed. He wanted to specify what exactly happened, but he didn’t know how.  
  
“Okay, did he force—“  
  
“No!” Soonyoung was shocked with the question. “Hyung. He didn’t. He’s not like that. It was consensual. Jihoon’s will never do something like that. But I just— I feel like— I feel dirty.” Soonyoung’s voice tremble for a bit. When he can no long contain his emotions, he let of the tears that was holding on.  
  
“Oh Soonie, why? You think doing it with the same sex is bad?” Jeonghan asked as he held the crying boy’s hand. He knew how sensitive the subject was, especially if Soonyoung himself does not exactly know what his orientation is. Soonyoung needs to come into conclusion himself. But Soonyoung surprised him.  
  
“No, that’s not it. It doesn’t matter whatever one’s sexual orientation is. And yes, as of the moment I don’t know what’s mine, but I hardly think that matters. All I know is that I like Jihoon. I’m mad at him but I still really like him. I feel dirty because after we did those things, he sort of discarded me every time.”  
Soonyoung explained.  
  
“He left me alone to deal with the aftermath of emotions.”  
  
“Everytime?” Jeonghan asked. He reached for the box of tissues and gave ot to Soonyoung.  
  
“It— it already happened twice. Both times it felt great, but the feeling afterward not so much.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Because what happened itself was confusing and it would have been nice if we talked it out. But he ignored that. The first time, he locked himself in the bathroom and didn’t talk to me for weeks. Not until, three days ago. Then, it happened again and this time he flew all the way to Korea without even telling me why. I’m sorry, hyung. This is your vacation and I’m burdening you with this.”  
  
  
“Hey, it’s okay.” Jeonghan pulled Soonyoung into a side hug. “But Soonyoung no matter how mad your at Jihoon, you have to tell him these things. That’s the only way you’d get past this.”  
  
“But he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me unless we’re hooking up.”  
  
“Stop hooking up, until both of you talk. Lock him in a room and tie him up, then tell him what you just told me, okay?” Jeonghan said. “Soonie, I know he didn’t mean to make you feel this bad. He’s probably just scared, and well, you Ji. He likes to keep things bottled up.”  
  
“What if..” Soonyoung let his voice died down, terrified to finish his thought.  
  
“Then, it’s his loss and you move on.” Jeonghan said. He hugged the other boy for a while longer, knowing just how much hurt Soonyoung was, because he’s been there himself. 

**Wonwoo’s Post**

**Jeonghan’s Post**

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	11. Home Alone

Three days before they were supposed to go home, Soonyoung received a message from their creative director asking him to come home since some of the songs were ready. He needed to make several drafts for each song to present to the meeting they were going to have to choose the songs for the album.  
  
He arrived after midnight and went directly to the company to get a copy of the song so he could listen to it at once.  
  
When he was in front of the studio, he hesitated. He wasn’t quite sure if they were even still friends. He didn’t know because Jihoon won’t talk to him. It was work he told himself, so gathered up his courage to knock.  
  
Jihoon opened the door. It seemed that the younger had not been sleeping. He looked pale and had dark circles under his eyes. Soonyoung wanted to reach out but stopped himself. He didn’t know if Jihoon would allow that.  
  
“I just dropped by for the file so I can listen to them at home.”  
  
Jihoon quietly grabbed a flash drive and gave it to Soonyoung. When Soonyoung was about to leave, Jihoon followed him.  
  
“If it’s okay, I’ll go home with you.” Jihoon asked.  
  
“Okay.” Soonyoung replied and walked away. They silently walked to their dorms which was 15 minutes away. Soonyoung wanted to say a lot of things to Jihoon, but at the moment it all disappeared into oblivion. He went straight to their dorm in the 8th floor. But to his surprise, Jihoon followed him even if he lived in the 9th floor.  
  
“Dinner?” Jihoon quietly asked him. Soonyoung wanted to decline. He knew he needed to decline the offer, but he noticed how exhausted and gaunt Jihoon looked. Soonyoung became worried that Jihoon must have not been eating well. He knew if he declined the other would just go straight to bed. He cursed himself for being weak. But he cared about Jihoon, they were friends first before they became whatever they were at the present.  
  
“Okay. You’re paying.” Soonyoung curtly said.  
  
“Yes, a- anything.”  
  
They ordered food and watched whatever was on tv while they wait. Soonyoung wanted to snap at Jihoon, but he also needed the other boy to eat. So, he patiently waited and pretended to be immerse with the show on tv.  
  
When the food arrive, they ate in silence. Soonyoung could feel that Jihoon was itching to say something, so he waited. When they were done with dinner, Jihoon finally spoke:  
  
“I’m sorry. Soonyoung, I’m sorry.”  
  
Soonyoung looked at Jihoon who was still sitting on the couch.  
  
“It’s okay, good night.” Soonyoung said and walked to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	12. Jeonghan's Thoughts

Jeonghan thought about what Soonyoung and Jihoon were going through at the moment. Just like Soonyoung and Jihoon, they started out as friends, until they came to like each other.

He hoped it ends better than how Seungcheol’s and his relationship ended, if there was even a relationship. They started out with little touches here and there, subtle flirtations in the practice room, until they found themselves actually kissing. The next thing they knew they were already having sexual activities in the utility closet, sometimes an empty studio, and anywhere they could have a little bit of privacy. They first had sex when Seungcheol brought Jeonghan out of town, in a little in beside the beach. It was the first time that they spent their short vacation with each other.

In time, both knew that what they felt for each other went beyond the physical, but they were both too scared to actually take a step to make their relationship official. But that trip changed everything. They had just admitted their feelings to each other. Both of them admitting their feelings go beyond the physical and that they both wanted something more. They both wanted a commitment and eventually a real relationship. They had just talked about it and made promises to each other, but it ended before it could actually blossom into something deeper. Their relationship had been cut short before it could even grow deeper.

What happened hurt Jeonghan a lot, especially when Seungcheol did what he did. The way that Seungcheol handled the situation broke his heart. But now, he felt that it was for the best. He got out early. He saved himself from further pain, he thought.

He was also afraid for the other eleven people that will get affected if their arrangement were ever found out. But he admitted that at that time, his selfishness got better of him, but never again. That’s why no matter how it ended and how much pain he felt, he thought that it was for the best. After the incident, it was difficult for him to remain friends with Seungcheol.

They were still close friends and sometimes Seungcheol would still get touchy, making Jeonghan’s heart skip a beat. But Jeonghan felt that it was more of a fan service, rather than Seungcheol being drawn to him like before. He also limited his interaction with Seungcheol, only acting friendly when there were cameras around. Everything was fan service, he convinced himself. He spent more time hanging out with his dongsaengs.

Jeonghan admitted that it hurt. He wished that they were in world were they could have a relationship and not be shunned because of it; a world where relationships does not equal to a death of one’s career. But it is what it is, he thought, there was hardly anything that he could do about it. He sighed deeply and whispered to himself: “I miss you Cheollie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	13. Exhausted Jihoon

Jihoon was still in the living room contemplating whether to follow Soonyoung or not. He used to crash at his room most of the time or they spend it at the studio, but now that everything was unclear he could feel this hesitation from both of them from doing things that were totally normal before.

Jihoon knew it was his fault. He should have talked to Soonyoung the first time something happened, and he shouldn’t have left the other boy just like that. No matter how confusing things were, he hoped they could fix it.  
  
He stood and was about to knock on Soonyoung’s door, when it opened, revealing the other boy wearing only his sweat pants and a towel on his chest.  
  
“Hey, you— I was—“ Jihoon stuttered.

He couldn’t quite look Soonyoung in the eye. He gulped when he realized was Soonyoung was not wearing any shirt. He didn’t know when it happened, but every time he sees Soonyoung, he just wants to jump him.  
  
“What is it?” Soonyoung asked breaking his lascivious thoughts in to oblivion.  
  
“I just wanted to say I’m sorry.” Jihoon said. Soonyoung shrugged and started walking away, but Jihoon grabbed his hand to stop him.

“Please, can we talk?” Jihoon begged. He needed Soonyoung to listen to him. He needed Soonyoung to forgive him.  
  
“Sure, let’s talk.” Soonyoung scoffed. “Like I haven’t been trying to that for the past few weeks.”

Soonyoung pulled his hand away from Jihoon and started walking to the bathroom.  
  
“Soons, please. I’m sorry. Let’s not fight anymore, please.” Jihoon said and followed Soonyoung to the bathroom. He slipped through the door before the other boy could shut the door.  
  
“Yah, Lee Jihoon! Get out!”  
  
“Let’s talk first. Please.” Jihoon asked.

He knew he was being pushy, but if he didn’t do it now, he thought he might run again. So, he held on to the tiny thread of courage that he still had.  
  
“Okay, fine! We’ll talk but let me shower first.” Soonyoung said as he tried to push Jihoon away.  
  
“I’ll wait here. Please." 

Soonyoung felt a slight pinch in his heart when he saw just how distraught Jihoon was, but it wasn't enough to just follow whatever it is that Jihoon wanted. He had enough of the boy playing with his emotions and for a little bit more, he wanted to hold on to his pride before actually giving in. He sigh and grabbed Jihoon's shoulder before softly pushing Jihoon out of the bathroom.  
  
“We'll talk okay? Just let me shower first. Just go wait outside, okay?” Soonyoung said.

Jihoon nodded. He decided to wait in Soonyoung’s room. He was exhausted and has not been sleeping well ever since he ran out on Soonyoung. He barely had three hours of sleep that day. He lie down on bed convincing himself that it was just for a second. He closed his eyes for a bit, and hugged Soonyoung’s pillows which smelled so much like the other boy. It was only then that he realized how rigid he had become when he felt his muscles relaxed when he was surrounded by Soonyoung’s smell and just being close to him. He didn’t realize how exhausted he was, and the next think he knew, he woke up surrounded by darkness but beside him soundly sleeping was Soonyoung. He snuggled closer to the boy while Soonyoung pulled him closer and went back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	14. Seungcheol's Moving On

**An Article from A Site**

**Joshua and Jeonghan's Conversation**

Joshua found Jeonghan crumbled under the bed cover. He tried to coaxed Jeonghan out, but the other wouldn’t budge.  
  
“Hannie, come on. The ice cream is melting.” Joshua said as he tried to pull the covers away from Jeonghan. When Jeonghan finally revealed himself, there tear streaks on his cheeks and he his eyes were swollen from crying.  
  
He pulled himself up and grabbed the pint of strawberry ice cream and spoon. He stared at it for a while before putting them back down.  
  
“I’m sorry, Shua. I just want to sleep.”  
  
“Okay, no problem. I’ll just put these in the refrigerator. Seokmin’s on the way.” Joshua said as he put away the stuff he brought. He then joined Jeonghan on bed and pulled the other closer.  
  
“Why is it so easy for him and so difficult for me? Why am I still stuck here?” Jeonghan whispered, his voice trembling a little.  
  
“Hannie...”  
  
“I tried so hard to act normal around him. I tried so hard to forget him. But why am I still here? Why am I still stuck? After all the painful things he said, it’s still him.” Jeonghan cried, tears falling down his face as he stared at the empty ceiling of the hotel room.  
  
Joshua pulled Jeonghan closer to him. He knew just how much Jeonghan loved Seungcheol, and he knew just how much his bestfriend was hurting.

**FLASHBACK**

Seungcheol and Jeonghan were called to the CEO’s office. Jeonghan was biting his nails. It was the first time that he was ever called to the office, and he was nervous of what’s going to happen. Earlier that day, their manager walked in on them and Seungcheol kissing near the fire exit. It was supposed to be just a peck, but with Seungcheol, Jeonghan’s self control just gets thrown out the window.  
  
“I’m scared.” Jeonghan whispered to Seungcheol who kept his head down. He wanted so much to reach out to the other boy and maybe hold his hand, but they were already in hot water as it is. He just wanted a bit of reassurance that everything was going to be okay. He tried to nudge Seungcheol but the other just moved away from him. He was shocked at first, Seungcheol was always clingy towards him.  
  
“Cheol?” Jeonghan tried again, but Seungcheol just ignored him. Before he could do anything, they were asked to enter the CEO’s office.  
  
“I heard what happened and I’m telling you to stop it now.” The Ceo said as he looked at both Seungcheol and Jeonghan.  
  
“But sir—“ Jeonghan tried to speak but Seungcheol gave him a look that says to stop it, so he stopped. Jeonghan wanted go tell the Ceo that they weren’t doing anything wrong and that they’ll be careful. But Seungcheol’s demeanor stopped him.  
  
“We’re sorry, Sir.” Seungcheol said.  
  
“I’m not.” Jeonghan whispered. Seungcheol tried to stop him with a look but Jeonghan ignored him. “There wasn’t anything wrong with what we did. I love—“  
  
“I don’t love him.” Seungchel intevened. “Sir, it was just a fling and nothing more. Please, forgive us for being careless. We will stop all sorts of relations from now on.” Seungcheol said looking directly at the Ceo. Jeonghan looked at Seungcheol. He was trying to make Seungcheol look at him but the latter did not once look at his direction. He was horrified with just how Seungcheol disregarded their feelings. He looked at the boy he loved and could not recognize him.  
  
“And you Jeonghan-ssi?”  
  
“I admit it, Sir. I do have feelings for Seungcheol, but I am thankful to you sir. Now I found out just what kind of person he is. Thank you. You don’t have to worry about anything between us, Sir. I assure you what happened before will never happen again. Thank you. If it’s alright Sir, I’ll go ahead.” The Ceo nodded and Jeonghan hurriedly walked away. He ran to the rooftop, not exactly knowing where to go, and broke down in tears.

**End of Flashback**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	15. Sleeping Beauty

When Soonyoung finished his shower, he was surprised to find Jihoon on his bed snuggling to his pillows. Jihoon looked so peaceful that there was even a small smile on his face as he slept. Soonyoung changed into his pajamas and decided to just sleep in another room. He went to fix Jihoon’s blanket and tuck him in properly, but before he could leave, Jihoon tugged his hands closers. Jihoon pulled him into bed and buried himself into Soonyoung's chest. Jihoon whined in his sleep when Soonyoung tried to get away, so he just let him be and hesitantly wrapped his arms around the sleeping boy.  
  
He stared at the other boy while he slept. He always thought of Jihoon as cute, but now that allowed himself to really look at the other boy, he knew cute was an understatement. Jihoon was ethereal. He loved the way that Jihoon’s lips seem to pout even when asleep. He wanted to touch his cheeks which looked so soft and fair. He could see the tiny bit of frown decorating Jihoon’s forehead even when asleep, as if even in his sleep he could not totally relax. Soonyoung pulled the other boy closer and rubbed his hands up and down Jihoon’s back. He checked if the boy was truly in a deep sleep before leaning in to kiss the frown away. Soonyoung smiled when Jihoon smiled for a bit and completely relaxed into his hold. He could look at Jihoon for a long time and will never get bored. It was like the everything the world stopped existing, except for Jihoon.  
  
_Shit._ Soonyoung thought to himself. He thought about how he was always drawn to the other boy, how he missed him for the past weeks that they were not talking and feeling like the end of the world when they fought. He was always filled with this giddiness and excitement, which he thought was because he was naturally energetic, but he lost the feeling when Jihoon was not there. The flips and butterflies in his stomach whenever Jihoon was near, was not because of the things they accomplished for a particular task, but it was because of Jihoon himself. Soonyoung was overwhelmed with the feeling of certainty that he just wanted to say it out loud, so he did.  
  
“Jihoon-ah, I think I’m in love with you.” He whispered to the other boy, who said something unintelligible and snuggled closet to Soonyoung.  
  
When he woke up the next morning, Jihoon was gone again. He took a deep breath trying to control his tears from falling when he heard the door open.  
  
“Hey, you’re awake. I cooked us breakfast.” Jihoon said as he walked towards Soonyoung. Jihoon noticed Soonyoung devastated expression and immediately sat beside Soonyoung.  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stay for the night. I’m sorry.”  
  
“That’s not it.” Soonyoung answered. He got up and opened the window curtains to let some light in. He stared at the view before him and hugged a pillow willing himself to stop feeling so devastated when he woke up without Jihoon beside him.  
  
“Then—“  
  
“Jihoon-ah, what’s happening to us?” Soonyoung interrupted him. He knew he should be mad at Jihoon for hurting him and making him feel like shit for the past weeks. But he was too exhausted to be mad. He just wanted answers.  
  
“I don’t know.” Jihoon honestly said.   
  
“What should we do?” Soonyoung asked.  
  
“I don’t know.” 

Soonyoung sigh and tried to rein in his irritation with Jihoon's answers.

  
“You said you wanted to talk.” Soonyoung snapped.   
  
Jihoon crawled on the bed so he could be closer to Soonyoung. He sat beside the other boy whose attention was still on the window. He wanted to grab Soonyoung’s hands but he didn’t. The situation was complicated enough.  
  
“I’m sorry. I'm sorry for ignoring you. I was scared and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I don’t really have any experience with, well anything remotely related to sex, and my first experience was with you. It scared me.” Jihoon explained. He moved closer to Soonyoung and reached for his hands again but stopped when he realized what he was doing. “I’m sorry for leaving. I’m sorry for being an asshole. You know me when it comes to emotional things, I ran away. But it will never happen again. I promise. Please, I don’t want to lose you. You’re my best friend.”  
  
“Okay.” Soonyoung said. His heart broke when Jihoon said the last part. It was a different kind of pain. A feeling of hopelessness invaded his heart. He was rejected even before he could confess his feelings.   
  
“Soons, please.” This time Jihoon reached for Soonyoung's hand.   
  
“I said it’s okay.” Soonyoung insisted but Jihoon could still see the hesitation and hurt on Soonyoung's eyes. He wanted so much to drive them away into oblivion, but he didn't know how. But he'll try he, Jihoon promised himself. He'll do everything to fill Soonyoung's eyes with happiness, just like it did before.  
  
Soonyoung, on the other hand and saw just how much Jihoon was suffering, and he didn't want that. He realized that it didn’t matter anymore. He looked at Jihoon and decided that what he felt didn’t matter. He knew that Jihoon was still confused, and he was willing to wait for him to make up his mind. Soonyoung decided that what matters is that Jihoon’s there. It’s all that matters to him. So, if he had to suffer through various kinds of pain and confusion just because of Jihoon’s indecisiveness, it was okay. He was willing to go through all that if it means Jihoon will agree to keep him close.  
  
“No, it’s not. That was a dick move. I should have stayed and we should have talked about what happened. But I was too chicken shit with what it would mean for us, for our friendship, and even for a our careers.” Jihoon explained.  
  
“I know. It’s okay.” Soonyoung gripped Jihoon's hand that were still holding on to his.   
  
“I’m sorry. I will never leave again I swear. I will never do anything to jeopardize our friendship ever again. So, please forgive me.” Jihoon begged.  
  
“Oh, okay.”  
  
“I’m sorry.” Jihoon said. He didn’t know what else to say for Soonyoung to forgive him. Soonyoung keeps saying it’s okay but Jihoon could feel that it wasn’t. He felt that he must have done something more than just leave.  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“Soons, please tell me what’s on your mind.”   
  
“It’s nothing really. It’s just an over exaggeration on my part, but now everything’s cleared up.” Soonyoung said not really knowing how to tell Jihoon how he really felt.  
  
“Please, I’d still want to know.”  
  
Soonyoung sigh. He took a deep breath before asking:  
  
“I just want to know, and I’m not mad anymore okay.” Jihoon nodded.  
  
“Soons, it’s just me.” Jihoon said when he noticed Soonyoung hesitate. Soonyoung took a deep breath before finally asking the question that made Jihoon realized just how much of an asshole he was to Soonyoung.  
  
“Why did you kiss me?”  
  
“What do you mean?” Jihoon asked. He knew where this was going and he felt bad.  
  
“Why did we do those things? Was it because you were just horny or frustrated?” Soonyoung’s voice trembled. He knew he said that he was okay, but saying his thoughts out loud brought up some lingering feeling of being used.  
  
“I didn’t realized I have so much more to apologize for, Soons. I’m so sorry.” Jihoon faced Soonyoung. “Shit.”

Jihoon cursed and run his hand through his hair in frustration. He ran away because he was confused and scared, not knowing that it could have a different effect on Soonyoung. The feeling of being used is the last thing that he wanted the other boy to feel. Soonyoung was important to Jihoon, but he made him feel just the complete opposite of that when he ran away.  
  
“It’s okay, you don’t have to answer.” Soonyoung softly said, afraid to agitate Jihoon even more.  
  
“It was not because of that. You think.. Shit. I didn’t realize that doing those things will make you feel—"   
  
“Used?” Soonyoung supplied and smiled little bit to lighten the atmosphere between them.  
  
“I’m so sorry. Shit. Of course I kissed you because it was you. I..”  
  
“Sucked my dick—“ Soonyoung supplied, trying to lighten the mood.  
  
“Stop being crass. I did that because it was you. I wouldn’t have done that with just anybody. I told you that night that I wanted to taste you, and only you, that’s why I did.” Jihoon explained. He looked at Soonyoung who seemed to be lost in thought. “Soons, I’m sorry. If doing these thing—“  
  
“No, it wasn’t the act itself, Ji. It felt great, those things.” Soonyoung blushed admitting it. “But it felt, well for lack of better term, I felt used when you wouldn’t even talk to me, and the only time you did was when you needed to—“  
  
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Jihoon cried. He pulled Soonyoung into a sudden embrace. He felt so bad for making Soonyoung feel like he just used him to let out his frustrations. But that was never the case. It was more of being drawn to Soonyoung, and just desperately wanting to be close to him, to taste him, and consume him.  
  
“I don’t know how to explain this overwhelming feeling of just wanting to be close to you. I know it’s wrong and I shouldn’t be saying this but I want you. You make me want to devour you and mark you.” Jihoon said as he released Soonyoung from the embrace but leaned his head closer to Soonyoung's.  
  
  
“I want you so bad.” Jihoon rested his forehead against Soonyoung’s, hands tightly holding his hands, and his lips ghosting over Soonyoung’s. Jihoon wanted so much to just lean and cover Soonyoung’s lips with his, but he needed to wait. He needed Soonyoung’s consent. He wasn't sure if he was still allowed after the shit he did.  
  
As if reading his mind, Soonyoung moved and straddled him. He then gently brushed his lips over Jihoon while his hands kept Jihoon’s head in place. Jihoon was paralyzed. He could feel the warmth of Soonyoung’s breath. He inhaled and it was heaven. He opened his mouth when he felt Soonyoung’s tongue softly seeking entrance. Soonyoung gently tasted him. It was like the soft touches of a butterfly wing, light and delicate. Soonyoung grind his hips and Jihoon moaned from the unexpected contact. Soonyoung smiled into the kiss and then moved away. Jihoon whined from the lost of contact.  
  
“Come on, let’s eat before the food gets cold.” Soonyoung said pulling a disgruntled Jihoon out of bed.  
  
“I made you kimchi fried rice.” Jihoon said feeling proud of himself for cooking and not burning the dorm down.   
  
“Thank you. I guess sucking your dick paid off, you actually cooked for me.” Soonyoung joked.  
  
“I was the one who did though, so shouldn’t you be the one cooking for me?” Jihoon teased back.  
  
“Okay, I owe you one then.” Soonyoung said. He winked and laughed at Jihoon’s shocked expression. They ate their breakfast and then went to the company to do their responsibilities. By lunch time, Soonyoung paid his debt in Jihoon’s studio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	16. Seungcheol's News

Seungcheol knew about the news that was posted. He wanted so much to correct it, but he let it be for a few days while he talk to Chungha. He was trying to be respectful to Chungha by allowing her to deny the issue first. Plus, they really did went on a date a couple of times, and they did like each other. But having a relationship was out of the question for them, since they were both busy. But most importantly, he couldn’t have a relationship with another person when his heart belongs to someone else, someone who probably hates him, and someone who will never be his again.  
  
Seungcheol continued packing his stuff. He thought about whether he should call Jeonghan or not to explain that the date meant nothing. He wanted to make sure that Jeonghan does not get any bad ideas, but he was too scared.  
  
Beside him, Wonwoo was trying to pack really big tiger plushie in his suitcase. Seungcheol smiled at how Wonwoo was always teasing and bickering with Soonyoung, but both always look out for each other.  
  
They were leaving for Korea in the morning, and they just wanted to be ready.  
  
“Don’t tell me Soonyoung finally recruited you in his tiger cult.” Seungcheol joked. Wonwoo laughed and sat down the bed, just giving up on stuffing the plushie.  
  
“Now I’m regretting buying this. I saw Soonyoung staring at it.” Wonwoo nonchalantly said and picked up a paper bag and tried putting in the tiger.  
  
“Awe, that’s sweet.”  
  
Wonwoo laughed at Seungcheol’s teasing tone.  
  
“I’m just being a good friend. it. I feel like he’s been down lately and I wanted to cheer him up. Now, it’s your turn, hyung.”  
  
“My turn?”  
  
“Spill.” Wonwoo said. Seungcheol sigh before continuing.  
  
“We did go on a few dates.”  
  
Wonwoo stopped what he was doing and looked at Seungcheol. He became worried about Jeonghan. He was one of the few who knew what really happened between the two.  
  
Seungcheol noticed Wonwoo’s face furrowed.  
  
“It didn’t work out though. We were never in a relationship. We liked each other though.” Seungcheol explained.  
  
“So, why are you not denying the news?” Wonwoo asked.  
  
“I’m waiting for Chung’s agency to do it first, as a courtesy to her.”  
  
“Okay.” Wonwoo was irate at the reason. He was feeling protective of Jeonghan. He hated the fact that Seungcheol was extending such courtesy to the girl, when he hardly even made the same thing to his hyung.  
  
“Excuse me, hyung.” Wonwoo said and walked out. He knew that if he didn’t leave, he might say something, and Jeonghan made him promise not to tell a soul.  
  
FLASHBACK  
  
Wonwoo was still in the building finishing clean up duty when he saw Jeonghan ran towards the emergency exit. Worried, he followed the other boy. He found Jeonghan on the roof, kneeling down, and clutching his chest as he cried as if every thing in him was being crushed. Wonwoo was usually awkward in these types of situation, so he did what he knew would be best. He knelt in front of Jeonghan and embraced him.  
  
Jeonghan was startled at first. But when he realized that it was Wonwoo, he wrapped his arms around the boy and cried harder. Wonwoo hummed the melody of their current song, while rubbing his hand on Jeonghan’s back in an attempt to comfort the other boy. When Jeonghan finally stopped crying, he told Wonwoo what happened.  
  
“You know what hurts the most? It was the fact that he was so quick to deny it. He didn’t even put up just an ounce of effort to fight for us. He didn’t even ask me if I was okay. Now, it makes me question whether he even really loved me.” Jeonghan whispered.  
  
“Hyung, I’m sure he was just scared.”  
  
“Yup, but I was scared too. He could have asked me, you know. Besides, I don’t think that if there was truly love there, that he could say those words without hesitating. It just hurts.” Jeonghan explained as he wiped away tears.  
  
“If that’s the case, then he doesn’t deserve you. Come on hyung, let’s go home. Everything will be okay.” Wonwoo said as he held out his hand for his hyung. Jeonghan took it and they went home hand in hand.  
  
End of Flashback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	17. Something New

🔞

They were in the middle of their preparations for their comeback, which means more time for Jihoon at the studio and Soonyoung at the practice room. Jihoon was getting frustrated at not being able to spend time with Soonyoung. Soonyoung, on the other hand, was at the end of the day too exhausted to think of something else other than sleep.  
  
It was already 2 in the morning, and Jihoon was done with all the recordings and editings. He excitedly went to the practice to check if Soonyoung was there, and to his surprised, the boy was alone. Soonyoung was in the middle of the dance floor, sweating and only wearing sweat pants, dancing to one of the songs that was supposed to be their Japanese track. He crossed his arms raised them slowly as he body rolled to the beat of the song.  
  
“That should to be illegal.” Jihoon said as he watched Soonyoung dance. Soonyoung stopped and gave Jihoon his one of his face crunching smiles that made him look adorable instead of sexy. But Jihoon was too hot to notice, he kept staring at Soonyoung’s exposed abs that looked extra sumptious with his glistening sweat. He unconsciously licked his lips while he walked towards Soonyoung.  
  
Soonyoung knew that when Jihoon had those intensity in his eyes, it meant he was going to be devoured. Surprisingly, Jihoon had an immense appetite for sex. He found himself always getting pulled to a nearby room for a quick hand job or blowjob. They never really went beyond that since they were both too busy and they didn’t really know how.  
  
Soonyoung found himself stepping back as Jihoon walked towards him until he found himself being pushed to the mirrors.  
  
“I always imagined how it would feel to watch you, especially here surrounded by all these mirrors.” Jihoon stood on his tip toe and placed his brushed his lips on Soonyoung’s ear.  
  
“Will you let me watch you?” Jihoon whispered. He knew Soonyoung loves it when he talked huskily into his ears.  
  
“Ji, stop. I’m exhaust—“ Soonyoung was not able to finish his sentence since Jihoon kissed him and started brushing the back of his hands on his groin. He found himself reacting to Jihoon’s touch despite his exhaustion.  
  
“Ji, we’re in the middle of the practice room.” Soonyoung said through gritted teeth. He let out a soft moan when he felt Jihoon invaded the insides of his pants and boxers with his hand, immediately taking hold of Soonyoung’s privates, slowly guiding it to hardness. While his other hand rubbed Soonyoung’s bud with his thumb. Jihoon stopped kissing Soonyoung and watched the other boy unravel with his hand. When Jihoon could feel Soonyoung leaking precum, he stopped and walked away, smiling at Soonyoung’s horrified expression through the mirror.  
  
“Yah! Lee Jihoon!” Soonyoung yelled at Jihoon, still panting and a little bit annoyed that Jihoon did not finish what he started.  
  
When they got home that night, Soonyoung was expecting Jihoon to sleep in his room, but to his surprised the other went directly to their dorm. He followed the other boy despite being exhausted. It was the last night that they have the place to themselves, and he didn’t want to waste that.  
  
“Jihoon, seriously? You’re going to ignore me?” Soonyoung snapped when they were already in the living room of their dorm and Jihoon still hadn’t said a word. He followed Jihoon towards the kitchen and was shocked when Jihoon pushed him on the table and pulled down his pants and boxers. He threw them somewhere in the apartment and then Jihoon then spread his legs before licking a stripe from Soonyoung’s base to the tip of his privates.  
  
“No, I’m not going to—“ Soonyoung was rendered speechless again when Jihoon covered his manhood with his mouth. He grabbed a fistful of Jihoon’s hair while the latter worked with him to hardness. When Soonyoung could feel the familiar knot in his stomach, Jihoon stopped again.  
  
  
“Jihoon! Fuck! Come on!” Soonyoung said. He watched as Jihoon grab a chair and sat in front of Soonyoung.  
  
“No! I’m not doing this here. First, we eat on this table and second I’m done with all your teasings. I’ll do it myself. Bye!”  
  
Soonyoung tried to walk away, but Jihoon pulled him into the bathroom. He took off his shirt and gestured for Soonyoung to get in their shower. Jihoon also stripped his clothes and joined Soonyoung. He quickly lather them with soap and then stroked Soonyoung’s mandhood again, making the other moan again. He continued stroking Soonyoung as they rinsed the soap off their bodies. But just like the first few instances, Jihoon stopped when Soonyoung was near, to Soonyoung’s irritation.  
  
But this time, instead of walking away, Jihoon, without even drying themselves, pulled Soonyoung into the bedroom where he pushed Soonyong on the bed. He positioned Soonyoung at the edge of the bed and spread his legs wide. He then took Soonyoung’s hand and made him stroke himself as Jihoon watched him with intensity.  
  
Soonyoung blushed crimson as he pleasured himself while Jihoon watched. Jihoon’s eyes on him was making him even harder. He noticed Jihoon grabbed something from the side table. He closed his eyes and was too immersed in stroking himself to notice what it was that Jihoon grab.  
  
He was shocked when he felt a bit of suction on the head of his shaft. He opened his eyes to Jihoon sucking his cock. He was even more surprised when he felt Jihoon’s finger gently brushed the rim of his hole. He gently circled it and tapped it a few times before he looked at Soonyoung. A silent question for consent passed between them. Soonyoung took a deep breath before nodding.  
  
Jihoon then coated his finger liberally with the lube he must have gotten from the side table. His breath hitched when Jihoon continued sucking his dick while his finger gently probe his hole.  
  
“I actually read something about how to do this.” Jihoon said and Soonyoung just trembled in reply. He slid his finger so slowly since he could feel Soonyoung tremble from the sting. He moved his finger from side to side, slowly sliding in bit by bit.  
  
“Are you okay?” Jihoon asked.  
  
“Hmm.”  
  
“Deep breaths and try to relax.” Jihoon whispered and went back to pleasuring Soonyoung with his mouth. When he felt Soonyoung starting to relax he thrust his finger in and out of Soonyoung’s hole. He coated his fingers again and this time put two fingers inside slowly.  
  
Jihoon felt Soonyoung got used to the invasion more quickly and he thrust his finger a bit deeper. To both their surprised, Soonyoung let out a loud moan and bucked his hips upward, when Jihoon curled his fingers inside him, hitting that bunch of nerves which made his toes curl in pleasure. His manhood leaked in precum, making Jihoon’s dick harder from how fucked up Soonyoung looked.  
  
“Again.” Soonyoung demanded, head thrown back on the bed, back arched in pleasure, while his hands were clenched on the sheets. Jihoon did it again making the other moan and tremble from the sensation of having his prostate stimulated, while Jihoon sucked one his manhood.  
  
“Again!”  
  
Jihoon stopped and smiled.  
  
“Say please.” Jihoon said and Soonyoung whined.  
  
“Please, more.”  
  
Jihoon moved again but this time a little harsher. He bobbed his head up and down, hallowing his cheeks, while at the same time stimulated Soonyoung’s bunch of nerve repeatedly making Soonyoung tremble and moan louder. It pushed Soonyoung over the edge making him release his load in Jihoon’s mouth.  
  
Soonyoung panted from the sensation that overtook him when he came. He was sweating and out of breath, and his head was buzzing from just having one intense orgasm. But before he can even get off his high, Jihoon moved him in a way that his back rested on the bed rest. He was still panting when Jihoon whispered in his ear: “I want to fuck your mouth.”  
  
Soonyoung could only nod from the sexiness of the demand. Soonyoung then realized, that from their position, his head was trapped between the headboard and Jihoon’s front. Jihoon stood up and grabbed Soonyoung’s hair and proceeded to thrust his shaft inside Soonyoung’s mouth and throat.  
  
He fucked Soonyoung’s mouth until he could feel his shat hitting Soonyoung's throat, choking him for a bit before finally releasing his load on Soonyoung’s mouth. He wiped some cum that spilled over Soonyoung’s mouth to his chin before giving the latter a kiss.  
  
Jihoon lie down and pulled Soonyoung closer to him.  
  
“Shit, babe. That’s was hot.” Jihoon whispered, but Soonyoung was already half way to dream land to form any coherent answer. Jihoon smiled and pecked his lips, before he himself surrendered to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	18. Wonwoo Found Out

The boys came home from the airport exhausted. But most of them have several schedules while some went directly to the company.  
  
Mingyu asked Wonwoo to take his bag to his room. When he arrived at the apartment, he noticed a boxer and sweat pants hanging over the plant near the kitchen table.  
  


_Disgusting_. _His teammates were slobs._ Wonwoo thought.  
  


He opened the door to Mingyu’s room and was surprised to find Jihoon on bed, with a shock expression on his face as he tugged the blanket closer to him. Wonwoo noticed that Jihoon became pale but couldn’t quite pin point the expression on his face. It was as if he was shocked but at the same time trying his best to make his face look neutral.  
  


“Wonwoo— aahhhh.” Jihoon moaned.  
  


“Yah, if you’re going to call other people’s name then maybe you should ask them to suck you’re fucking dick instead!” Soonyoung snapped as he came up from under the covers.  
  


Wonwoo was too shocked to move. Jihoon blushed and with a resigned expression covered his face with his hand.  
  
“Idiot. Wonwoo’s here.” Jihoon said.

It was only then that Soonyoung noticed a very shocked Wonwoo standing near the door.  
  
“Oh, hi! You’re back.” Soonyoung nonchalantly said, but the blush creeping on his neck says otherwise. “Wons, do you mind leaving? I kind of want to get back to what I’m doing, unless you want to watch.”  
  
With that, Wonwoo hurriedly ran outside. He could hear Soonyoung from inside the room begging for Jihoon to stop kicking him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	19. The Morning After

Jihoon wrapped his arms around Soonyoung’s waist trying to make the other forgive him for kicking him off the bed. He was shocked when Soonyoung cried out in pain when the floor hit his backside.  
  
“I’m sorry, please. I didn’t know you were sore from our little adventure.” Jihoon said as he tried to coax Soonyoung into forgiving him.  
  
“Whatever Lee Jihoon, as far as I know, you’re dick will never get near my ass.” Soonyoung pouted.  
  
“Then I’ll just look for another ass that would let me then.” Jihoon joked. He felt Soonyoung stiffened in his arms.  
  
 _Shit._ Jihoon thought. He knew he fucked up again.

Soonyoung stood up and walked away.   
  
“Okay, then. Have fun.” Soonyoung said. He then grabbed a towel and left a speechless Jihoon on the bed.  
  
Jihoon immediately followed the other boy and found him already in his boxers and pants that he retrieved from the plants.  
  
“Soons?” Jihoon wrapped his arms around Soonyoung’s waist and rested his face on his shoulders. “I’m sorry.”  
  
“It’s okay, Ji. It’s not as if we’re in a relationship.”  
  
Jihoon sighed and pulled Soonyoung into the living room where he made Soonyoung sit on his lap.  
  
“You know why we can’t. We can’t have a relationship. We can’t risk the eleven other people who depends on us. Having a relationship is too risky. Besides, I don’t even know how to be in a relationship. What if we break up and—“  
  
“But what if we don’t?” Soonyoung asked.  
  
“Soons, we can’t. It’s too risky. Look at what happened to Cheol and Hannie Hyung. I know they think that nobody knows, but we saw just how much pain they were both in and look where are they now. They were so close before, and now they hardly ever speak except when the cameras are on. I don’t want that to happen to us. We’re happy aren’t we?” Jihoon explained, while Soonyoung just kept quiet.  
  
Soonyoung’s heart was hurting. How could he tell Jihoon that he wanted more, when the other boy does not feel the same way.  
  
“Soonie, please don’t be mad. I was just joking about another ass. I only want yours, promise.” Jihoon cutely said and buried his face on Soonyoung neck. “Besides, we still have a lot more things to do. Like actually sticking my—“  
  
“Aish, not everything is about sex.” Soonyoung was getting irritated at Jihoon. It seemed that the other boy was more interest in sex, rather than him. “Sometimes I think you’re only here for the blowjobs and handjobs.”  
  
“Of course not, I’m also here for the time when you’d finally allow me to fuck you.”  
  
“Okay.” Soonyoung said but Jihoon knew it wasn't. He could see the hurt in Soonyoung's eyes and it made his stomach drop.  
  
“Aish. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I was just joking. Soonie... let’s not fight please.”  
  
“Okay. I better go wash up.”  
  
“Let’s wash up together.” Jihoon suggested but Soonyoung declined.  
  
“If we do that we’ll end up running late. I’ll see you downstairs? We can walk to the company together.” Soonyoung gave Jihoon a peck on the lips and left.  
  
Jihoon knew that Soonyoung was still feeling down when they left the apartment. He was silent throughout their walk and until they separated to their respective company rooms. He like Soonyoung, more than he should. He like him and it was more than just a sexual attraction. After their days of being together, he could finally admit that to himself. But to be in a relationship, it was a completely different story. He didn’t even know how to be in a relationship he thought, as he entered a flower shop.  
  
When Soonyoung came back to the practice room after having a meeting with the choreographer, he went to his locker to change and was surprised by three sunflowers hastily shoved into his locker. He smiled when he saw the note, so much for not knowing how to be boyfriend, he thought.

**Soonyoung's Message to Jihoon**

Jihoon took a pillow from the couch to cover his front. Soonyoung always had a way of making him feel things even when he’s not around. He remembered how Soonyoung tasted and his mouth watered from the thought. He immediately scrap those thoughts in his mind since he didn’t want a hard on in a meeting. He really did plan a lunch out and hoped what he planned would convince Soonyoung to forgive him from his lapses.  
  
He wasn’t ready for a relationship and he doubt he ever will. With their line of work, it wasn’t really an option. But he hoped that doing something for Soonyoung and taking care of him would be enough to convince the other that he wasn’t just in it for the sex. Taking care of the other was also making him feel good and that was enough for him and he hoped it was enough for Soonyoung too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	20. Jeonghan and Joshua

**Jeonghan's Instagram Post**

It was a week after they came home from their Japan vacation and everyone was busy with their respective responsibilities and of course in between practices. Chunga’s agency finally denied the news and claimed that they were just friends. Seungcheol also gave a go signal to Pledis. Soonyoung and Jihoon, for the past month, were too busy to really pay attention to what’s going on with their team members. Jeonghan was focusing his energy on just making it through each day, with Joshua’s support.  
  
Seungcheol, on the other hand, was trying his best to keep things together, to keep himself from breaking apart every time he sees Jeonghan lean on Joshua or every time Jeonghan would reach out to wipe a sweat, fix his fringe and or any excuse to just touch Joshua. He envied how easy Jeonghan’s smile with the other, while he felt that although they were  
somewhat okay, Jeonghan’s smile for always felt forced. It was breaking his heart to see someone else in the place that was supposed to be his.  
  
After the incident with the CEO, he tried so hard to talk to Jeonghan, but the latter would just ignore him. He tried to reach out and explain his side, but Jeonghan would not even for a second look at him. Was it so wrong of him to want to protect their dream? If he had to do it again, he would. He was the leader and he needed to protect those who depended on him.  
  
But most importantly, he needed to protect Jeonghan and his dream. When the CEO talked to him beforehand, Seungcheol was made to choose between two options, either he chose the team and break it up with Jeonghan, or choose Jeonghan and both of them were off the team.  
  
Jeonghan didn’t know, that the CEO talked to him beforehand.  
  
⚡️FLASHBACK⚡️  
  
Seungcheol was called to the CEO’s office after his little incident with Jeonghan. He already knew what it was about, and he was prepared to do everything just to fight for Jeonghan. He just wasn’t expecting the consquences of that action would be.  
  
“Come in, Seungcheol. Sit down.” The Ceo said as he gestured for Seungcheol to sit down. “Your manager told me what he saw.”  
  
“Sir—“  
  
“Let me stop you there Seungcheol. You will stop all relations with Jeonghan or I will remove both of you from the group.”  
  
“That’s unfair sir—“ Seungcheol tried to intervene but the CEO interrupted him.  
  
“I invested a lot of money in this group, and I won’t let you ruin it. I will make sure you guys never work in this industry again. Choose wisely.” The Ceo said.  
  
Seungcheol knew that if he chose Jeonghan, he was choosing a death sentence for both their dreams. They were also going to tarnish the dreams of the other eleven members that he considers to be their brothers. It felt unfair. All they really did was love each other, but the world was a cruel place. Maybe someday, he thought.  
  
“I choose the team, sir.” Seungcheol said with a fake conviction. He tried his best to appear cold and strong, but he was breaking inside. He silently prayed that maybe someday Jeonghan would understand what pushed him to make the decision.  
  
“Convince me then.”  
  
“Sir?” Seungcheol was shocked.  
  
“I’ll call Jeonghan to the office. Convince me that you don’t have feelings for this boy and I’ll let both of you stay. But one wrong move, and both of your are off the team.” The Ceo said as Seungcheol clenched his fist beside him. He knew what the Ceo wants him to do. He knew that the man wanted him to hurt Jeonghan, to prove that there was no longer love in him.  
  
When he saw Jeonghan walking towards him outside the ceo’s office, he wanted nothing more but to pull the other boy into an embrace. He looked so frail and scared. His eyes were puffy and red, and his lips were pale. He wanted so much to just grab the boy and ran away together, but will he forgive him for that? Seungcheol was also scared that if he did that, maybe they’ll regret the decision and they’d grow to resent each other. He just wanted to assure Jeonghan that everything will be okay, but he wasn’t even sure that it will, so he clenched his fist and stared straight ahead pretending not to have an inch of care for the boy he loved the most.

**End of Flashback**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	21. LUNCHDATE

**Soonyoung Instagram Post**

Soonyoung was excited, despite his back being in pain, that he couldn’t concentrate on the choreography. He was with the choreography team making final changes and fixing the details, but he was too distracted and excited for lunch. The restaurant was pretty known for having one of the best kimchi in Korea. His heart fluttered realizing just how much thought Jihoon must have put into the lunch date.  
  
By the time lunch came, he was jumping up with excitement. He took a quick warm shower to loosen his muscles especially his back and tried his best to looked decent in his practice clothes. He walked towards the parking lot where Jihoon said he’ll be waiting. His excitement immediately deflated when he saw that Seungcheol was with Jihoon. They were both immerse in what they were talking about that it took Jihoon several minutes to noticed that Soonyoung was already there.  
  
“Hey! There you are!” Jihoon excitedly said. He grabbed Soonyoung’s hand and whispered: “I’m sorry, he looked so lost, so I invited him. Forgive me.”  
  
Soonyoung gave Jihoon a smile to tell him that it was okay. He wanted a quiet lunch with Jihoon and maybe talk about them, but when looked at his hyung, he really did seem lost. So, he put his arms around Seungcheol’s shoulder and guided him to the car.  
  
“Come on hyung, Jihoonie promised the best kimchi ever!” Soonyoung excitedly yelled.  
  
“Are you sure this is okay? I have the impression that this was a plan for just the two of you—“  
  
“Nah, Jihoonie just owes me for the sumptuous dinner I made him eat last night.” Soonyoung said and winked at Jihoon who blushed crimson.  
  
Seungcheol took the front sit while Soonyoung rode at the back. It was only when Soonyoung rested his back that he really felt the exhaustion coming in. He remained quiet for the rest of the drive just trying the sneak in a bit of rest. He didn’t realize he fell asleep, and woke up to Jihoon gently prodding him to wake up.  
  
“Hey, do you still want to go? You look so exhausted.” Jihoon asked. He watched as Soonyoung tried to wake himself up.  
  
“Definitely. Just give me a minute.” Soonyoung said when he noticed that Seungcheol was already out of the car and was on the phone. He was still groggy from the quick nap and needed a minute to fully wake up.  
  
“I’ll wait for you outside, okay?” Jihoon said. He looked like he was trying to decide on something but must have changed his mind.  
  
“Okay.” Soonyoung watched as Jihoon grabbed his phone and prepared to get out of the car. But before he did, he quickly turned around to look at Soonyoung.  
  
“I wanted to kiss you awake.” Jihoon said and blushed as he hurriedly went out the car.  
  
Soonyoung smiled. Jihoon had been making his heart flutter the whole day, and he didn’t know what to think. He got off the car and was surprised to see Chanyeol and Daniel greeting Jihoon and Seungcheol, pulling them inside the restaurant. Soonyoung was about to call out to Jihoon but the door already shut.  
  
 _So much for a quiet lunch._ He told himself.

Soonyoung took a deep breath and was about to follow them inside when Jihoon came out the door looking flustered. He ran towards Soonyoung.  
  
“Hey, I thought you bailed on me already.” Jihoon joked. “Daniel and Chanyeol are also here. I think Seungcheol just invited them to join our table. I’m sorry.” Jihoon said as he offered his hand to Soonyoung. But instead of reaching out, Soonyoung put his arms around Jihoon’s shoulders, which Soonyoung thought was more friendly than holding hands.  
  
“It’s okay.” Soonyoung assured him. Jihoon looked stressed and he didn't want to add on to it.  
  
“Are you sure? Maybe dinner? We can have dinner, just the two of us.” Jihoon asked desperate to make it up to Soonyoung. He just wanted to make it up for being an asshole, but things kept getting in the way that it was stressing him out.   
  
“It’s okay, Ji. I don’t really mind. Promise.” Soonyoung said.  
  
When they got to their table, there was only one seat left, so Jihoon asked for another one. He remained standing while they wait and leaned in closer to Soonyoung and whispered:  
  
“Want to sit on my lap?”  
  
Soonyoung blushed and laughed.  
  
When the waiter placed the extra chair opposite of the vacant one, he watched as Jihoon asked seungcheol to switch chairs so they can sit together claiming that he needed to tell Soonyoung something. When the food came, Jihoon subtlety placed everything near Soonyoung, making sure that he had access to everything on the table. Jihoon even ordered him an extra pack of kimichi to take home. When they were done, they split the bill five ways, but it was Jihoon who paid for Soonyoung’s share and his kimchi take away.  
  
“Ji, coffee? You’re done with your stuff right?” Daniel asked.  
  
“Uh, I’d love to but I need to drive Soonyoung back. He’s still not done with the choreography draft.” Jihoon answered.  
  
“Oh come on, that’s lame. What are you his chaffeur?” Daniel asked. “Hoshi-ah, can we kidnap Jihoon for a while? He said he needs to drive you back.”  
  
Seungcheol who noticed Jihoon’s expression change when Daniel addressed Soonyoung directly. He was about to intervene when Soonyoung spoke:  
  
“It’s okay. I can grab a cab, Ji. I’ll see you guys later.” Soonyoung said as he walked away from the group. 

_He's not your boyfriend, no need to be possessive and feel bad. This is a normal thing between friends._ Soonyoung kept telling himself. He kept trying to convince himself not to feel bad that Jihoon left him for his friends. They used to do it all the time, and it didn't bother him before. But now it's a completely different story.

He walked towards the bus stop to wait for a cab. He luckily hailed one quickly, but before he could grab the car door somebody beat him to it. Soonyoung smiled when he realized it was Jihoon.  
  
“Yah, what are you doing?” Soonyoung asked as he got in the cab followed by Jihoon.  
  
“I left the car with Cheol hyung. Did you really expect me to let you go back alone?” Jihoon asked. He looked at Soonyoung’s hands itching to reach out for it but they were in a cab. The cab driver probably don’t even follow kpop, but it was better to be cautious, Jihoon thought, so he just settled his hands loosely beside him.  
  
“It’s not a big deal. I can take care of myself.” Soonyoung insisted.  
  
“I know, but I want to.” Jihoon smiled and Soonyoung’s heart melted. They rode to the company talking about their upcoming promotions. They separated in the elevator, Soonyoung went to the basement where the practice rooms were, while Jihoon headed to the studio. By night, Jihoon brought several packages of food to the practice room. He even bought some for the other members of the choreography team. They ended up having a picnic in the middle of the practice room. It still wasn’t a dinner for two, but he’ll take it, Soonyoung thought.  
  
Jihoon stayed for the rest of the night just watching Soonyoung, and making sure he drinks a lot of water. When they were done, he patiently waited for Soonyoung to shower and change. Then, the walked to their apartment where they exchanged a few stolen kisses before they headed to their own separate apartments.  
  
Jihoon said he didn’t want a relationship, but Soonyoung couldn’t help but hope that maybe he’ll change his mind. Jihoon made his heart flutter the whole day. He hoped the feeling would last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	22. Wonwoo's Secret

Weeks before the release of their new single Jihoon was a ball of nervous energy. He couldn’t concentrate on anything. He was busy with a few minute adjustments to the instrumental that they were going to use for music shows and making sure that the members were ready to vocally perform live. Soonyoung, on the other hand, was busy leading the choreography practices for each unit, and for a song that was added in the last minute for their showcase. They were busy with their responsibilities that they haven’t seen each other in a week.  
  
Soonyoung was resting in his room when he heard a knock on the door. His heart raced a bit hoping that it was Jihoon, but immediately deflated when it was Wonwoo who opened the door.  
  
“What’s up Jeon?” Wonwoo came inside with his eyes close. “Yah, Jihoon’s not here.”  
  
“That’s a relief!”  
  
Wonwoo opened eyes when Soonyoung said it was safe. He didn’t want a repeat of the embarrassing moment of seeing his friends in a less compromising position. He jumped on the bed and lay down beside Soonyoung.  
  
“I already apologized for that!” Soonyoung insisted which Wonwoo ignored.  
  
“선물!” Wonwoo said as he gave Soonyoung the Tiger plushie he brought from Japan. It was a medium size tiger plushie with huge eyes. He bought it when they were shopping together and noticed Soonyoung stared at it but was too lost in his thoughts to actually buy it.  
  
“Yah! This is for me?” Soonyoung grabbed the tiger plushie and gave it a hug. “This will look great here next to my tiger pillows.”

He sat down on the bed and excitedly gathered his collection of tiger pillows, while Wonwoo watched him carefully. He smiled at his friend’s excitement. Soonyoung was easily cheered up, but can also easily feel down. After their Japan trip, he was glad that Soonyoung was becoming more himself.  
  
“So, is everything okay now?” Wonwoo asked as he tucked both his hands under his head as pillows and stared at the ceiling.  
  
“What do you mean?” Soonyoung went back to his original position and lay sideways facing Wonwoo, resting his head on his arms. He watched his friend hesitate before asking:  
  
“You, are you okay now?”  
  
“I think so. If you’re worried about how this will affect the team then-“  
  
“I’m not.” Wonwoo interrupted him. Wonwoo turned his head to face Soonyoung. “I was asking about you. Are you okay now?” He asked and then went back to staring at the ceiling.  
  
Soonyoung was touched that despite the danger that they were putting the team in with whatever was going on between him and Jihoon, Wonwoo still thought and cared about him over that.  
  
“Yup, never better.” Soonyoung smiled.  
  
“Sure?” Wonwoo asked again without sparing a glance at Soonyoung. He was trying his best not to show how much he was affected by what’s happening between Jihoon and Soonyoung.  
  
“Yeah, we’re not together as in together, but it’s okay.” Soonyoung said. He knew it was a complicated arrangement but it’s what’s on the table at the moment. He had no choice but to accept it.  
  
“So it’s just a physical arrangement?”  
  
“Uhm I think so. I don’t know. We haven’t really talked about it.”  
  
“But you like him.” Wonwoo whispered.  
  
“I know.”  
  
“Are you okay with that?”  
  
“Well, it is what it is.” Soonyoung tried to sound nonchalant but his voice trembled a little.  
  
He was surprised when Wonwoo, instead of teasing him, said:  
  
“You deserve better.”  
  
Soonyoung laughed and said: “I didn’t know you think so highly of me, Jeon.”  
  
“Always has.” Wonwoo whispered to Soonyoung’s surprised.  
  
“Yeah right, but is there something bothering you?” Soonyoung asked. He noticed how tensed Wonwoo was. He thought it might have something to do with his revelation. Even if Wonwoo accepted his thing with Jihoon, he still fetl like he betrayed his friend for years.  
  
“Nothing.”  
  
“If me being— If it’s making you uncomfortable— if our friendship— I didn’t meant to spring this—“  
  
“Do you really think that low of me?” Wonwoo asked and looked at Soonyoung. He sigh and moved to face Soonyoung. He placed one hand and softly brushed Soonyoung’s hair before pulling them hard making Soonyoung yelp in pain, while Wonwoo laughed.  
  
“Yah! That hurt!” Soonyoung whined bit laughing.  
  
“That’s what you get for thinking I’m some kind of a homophobe, because that’s what you’re thinking, admit it!”  
  
“Of course not. A little bit not to that extent. Okay, I deserve that.” Soonyoung admitted and laugh at himself. “But why do I get the feeling that you’re hiding something from me?”  
  
“I’m not. It doesn’t change a thing. Nothing has to change between us, Soons.”  
  
“So even if I tell you I’m gay—“  
  
Wonwoo interrupted him because for him it doesn’t really matter. They’re friends and that’s it.  
  
“It doesn’t matter to me. You’re still the Soonyoung I grew up with. But is this you coming out?” Wonwoo smirked trying to lighten the mood.  
  
“Honestly, I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it, all I know is that I like Jihoon. As for other girls or boys, I don’t know. I didn’t really have a chance to think about it. I’ve had crushes before but that was like for five minutes and then Jihoon came. I just realized that when he came, everything else disappeared. I just didn’t know back then that I like him.” Soonyoung tried his best to explain how he felt. That at the moment, everything of him was consumed with Jihoon.  
  
“Don’t worry about it. You have all the time in the world to figure the rest out, what’s important is that you’re sure of your feelings for Jihoon. It doesn’t matter to me. It won’t a affect even a bit of our friendship if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m happy for you and Jihoon.”  
  
“Then why do you look so sad?”  
  
“I’m not. I’m just tired.”  
  
“Me too. I’m really exhausted.”  
  
“Sleep then.”  
  
“hmm. Okay.”  
  
Wonwoo watched his friend hugged the tiger plushie closer and drift off to sleep, as his breathing became deeper and the creases of his stressed face became more relax. He raised his hand and fixed Soonyoung’s fringe with his fingers. He then brushed his thumb on his friend’s cheeks, the cheeks that he adored so much since they were kids. He didn’t realized but he felt a few tears fall down his cheeks, which he hurriedly wipe away.  
  
“I’m happy for you.” He took a deep breath and leaned in to leave a kiss on Soonyoung’s forehead. He stood up and fixed the covers on Soonyoung’s before walking away.  
  
It was Wonwoo’s secret, the fact that he liked his friend for the longest time but he was afraid to act on it and even to think about it. He usually just pushed the thought at the back of his mind, hoping that it’ll just disappear. But seeing Soonyoung and Jihoon, for the past few weeks as they try to be subtle with their gazes and touches while they prepare for comeback made him realized just how much he like Soonyoung and just how much time he wasted lying to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	23. Be Still My Heart

Jihoon was finally done. It was the first time in his whole career that he finished his tasks with two more days before the actual deadline. He excitedly walked towards the practice room where Soonyoung was supposed to be, but to his surprise it was empty.  
  
He was about to call Soonyoung in his phone when someone grabbed him from behind and pulled him towards the dark bathroom of the practice room. He was about to kick the person when he realized it was his missing friend. He was immediately pushed against the wall and his lips were covered with another. He relaxed into the kiss, realizing just how much he missed Soonyoung.  
  
“Stop, I don’t want to get caught.” Jihoon whispered in between kisses as he grabbed Soonyoung’s hair with one hand while the other one was clenched on Soonyoung’s shirt, pulling him closer.  
  
“Don’t say thing’s you don’t mean, Ji. Ahhh.. Shit...” Soonyoung couldn’t help the moan when Jihoon’s one hand grabbed Soonyoung’s backside. “I miss you.” Soonyoung said while his lips travel down to Jihoon’s throat.  
  
“Careful babe, no marks.” Jihoon said as he slid his hand inside Soonyoung’s pants to grab the latter’s back side. Soonyoung groaned from the pet-name.

“I want to fuck you like right here and now.” Jihoon panted.  
  
“Say it again and maybe I’ll let you.” Soonyoung teased. Jihoon's hands on his ass was making him weak with need. All his first times so far was with Jihoon, maybe it wasn't such a scary thing if it's with Jihoon, Soonyoung thought.   
  
“Babe?”  
  
“Yes, okay, let’s do it.” Soonyoung decided. Maybe having Jihoon fucked him senseless would bring some clarity into what he's feeling. Plus, he was really becoming needy with Jihoon's hands still squeezing his bare ass.  
  
“We can’t.” Jihoon said which made Soonyoung whine a little bit.  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“Because babe, we have a comeback and you need to dance.” Jihoon sad as a matter of fact. Besides, it was going to be both their first time and he wanted it to be something more than a rushed decision.  
  
“Want my mouth then?” Soonyoung asked. Jihoon's hesitation to do it was making him confused. Does he want him or not? Soonyoung was becoming easily confused with what he really wanted.   
  
“You need to sing.” Jihoon said and laughed at Soonyoung's expression.   
  
“Ji!”

“I have an idea. Let’s take a shower.” Jihoon said as he locked the doors and got rid of all his clothes.  
  
“What happened to not wanting to get caught?” Soonyoung asked as he gaped upon Jihoon’s confidence to strip down. The room was dark but Soonyoung could clearly see the outline of Jihoon’s body. His mouth watered at the sight of Jihoon's perfectly fit body.   
  
“Four weeks happened.” Jihoon walked towards Soonyoung and stopped.“We don’t have to if you don’t—“  
  
“When did I ever say no?”  
  
“But you can though.”  
  
“I want to. Ji, are we gonna be talking—“ Soonyoung was getting impatient.   
  
Soonyoung found himself being stripped down to his birthday suit and pushed into the showers. Jihoon turned on the shower and lathered Soonyoung with soap, while grabbing his hair to pull him closer for a kiss. The hot water and Jihoon’s hands all over Soonyoung’s body made him pant from the overwhelming feeling of being consumed. He was also starting to get scared. Thinking and agreeing to doing it, and actually doing are completely different things. The last time they did something close to what they were thinking was weeks ago, and Soonyoung thought it felt great. But now that he was confronted with the thought of actually doing the act itself, he felt hesitant. The unanswered questions came back to him.  
  
“Ji.. I’m not..”  
  
“It’s okay, I’ll take care of you.” Jihoon whispered as he turned Soonyoung towards the bathroom walls and showered his back with kisses. Jihoon’s other hand reach from behind to stroke Soonyoung’s shaft to hardness. Soonyoung felt Jihoon’s erection brushed his backside and he felt hot but it also scared him. He felt Jihoon’s finger caress his crease to prepare him for something more.  
  
“Ji, I— I don’t want to have—“  
  
“It’s okay, I’ll be gentle.” When Jihoon slowly thrust his finger inside Soonyoung, the latter grabbed his wrist to stop.  
  
“No, wait.” Soonyoug said.  
  
“I’m sorry.” Jihoon immediately withdrew his hand and took a step back from Soonyoung.  
  
“No, Ji, don’t be mad.” Soonyoung said as he turned to face Jihoon. He reached out for his hands which Jihoon took immediately when he saw Soonyoung's scared face.  
  
“I’m not. Of course, I’m not.” Jihoon assured Soonyoung and gently caressed his face.  
  
“I’m sorry. I don’t know—“  
  
“Hey, it’s okay. We can stop anytime.” Jihoon assured.   
  
“I don’t want to stop, I’m just suddenly a bit scared and I don’t want to jump to doing things when I feel this way.”   
  
“It’s okay.”  
  
“No, it’s not. I don’t want to go all the way, but I don’t want to stop.” Soonyoung said not really wanting to give up the night entirely but just wanted the events to slowdown for a bit.  
  
“Okay, we’re not stopping. Come on.” Jihoon pulled Soonyoung out of the bathroom and into the practice room, where he left Soonyoung in the middle buck naked surrounded by mirrors. Jihoon then made sure that the door was locked before grabbing several floor pillows from the pile in the corner and place them in the middle. He then grabbed something from his bag and then dimmed the lights just enough that they could see themselves and then sat on pillows. He could see Soonyoung's naked body from all angles. He was so hard that he felt he could cum just by look at Soonyoung's flushed body standing in the room, not quite knowing what to do.  
  
“Come here.”  
  
Soonyoung swallowed and slowly walked towards Jihoon. He had never been more aware of his nakedness but everywhere he look he could see themselves in the mirror that was surrounding them.  
  
“Lie with me?” Jihoon whispered. His gaze was soft as he watched Soonyoung walked towards him. Jihoon gently made Soonyoung lie down on the pillows. He then leaned on to softly brush his lips on Soonyoung’s while his finger tips explored Soonyoung’s chest making the other shiver from anticipation.  
  
Soonyoung couldn’t help but smile when Jihoon gently kissed his eyes, nose, tracing kissing on his jaw, and neck. He arched his back a little when Jihoon’s hands found its way to Soonyoung’s shaft, that was still hard from their time in the bathroom. Jihoon continued kissing Soonyoung all over, making the other flushed and hot despite how gentle Jihoon was being.  
  
Jihoon then folded Soonyoung’s knees and spread them apart while he softly kissed his inner thighs making Soonyoung moan when he felt Jihoon sucked on his skin, making sure to leave marks on his thighs.  
  
“Yah, Jihoon no marks!” Soonyoung yelled when he felt Jihoon leave small bites then licked the pain away. Soonyoung tried to move but Jihoon held him back firmly as he continued his ministration.  
  
“I hardly doubt anybody’s going to see these. You’re going to wear pants.” Jihoon said before finally licking a stripe from his sac to the tip of his manhood before entirely taking him with his mouth, rolling his tongue each time he takes Soonyoung deeper with his mouth. Soonyoung's almost stop breathing from the feeling of Jihoon's tongue and lips gliding smoothly on his manhood. Jihoon also sucked every time he reaches the tip and slowly licks the tips of Soonyoung's shaft making the boy shiver with pleasure and leaked so much precum that Jihoon would hungrily lap off. Soonyoung panted. He was so hot and hard that he could no longer control his body as he trembled trying to stop himself from cumming.  
  
“Ji! I’m going to—“ Jihoon hallowed his cheeks and sucked hard making Soonyoung tremble as he released his load on Jihoon’s mouth. Soonyoung was still high with his orgasm when he felt Jihoon trying to flip him to his stomach.   
  
“Flip over.” Jihoon ordered. Soonyoung tried to follow the command but he was weak from the mind blowing orgasm so Jihoon had to help him. Jihoon made him raise himself with his knees while his head was still pressed on the pillows. He squirmed when he felt Jihoon’s erection pressed against the bottom.  
  
“Ji—“ He was about to protest but Jihoon held him back down with one hand pressing on his back to keep his face buried on the pillow, before leaving open mouthed kisses on his back.  
  
“Do you trust me?” Jihoon asked as he traced Soonyoung’s spine with his tongue.  
  
“Ye— Yes.”  
  
That was all the assent that Jihoon needed as he took his kisses to Soonyoung's lower part of the body. Jihoon left different marks on his trail. When he reached Soonyoung's ass, Jihoon bit both cheeks making the other yelp.  
  
“Why do you keep biting me?” Soonyoung snapped.  
  
“To remind you.”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“You’re mine Kwon Soonyoung.”  
  
Soonyoung was about to respond but felt Jihoon spread both his cheeks wide. Soonyoung trembled when he felt the tip of Jihoon’s tongue touched the crease in between his cheeks. Soonyoung could only clench his hand and bite the pillow from the feeling of Jihoon lapping his ass with his tongue. He then felt Jihoon thrust a finger inside him, making his dick twitch into hardness when Jihoon immediately found his prostate.

“Jihoon.. ahh.. shit.” Soonyoung muffled his moans with the pillow when he felt Jihoon add another finger, and then another. He harshly thrust his fingers in and out, repeatedly thrusting into his prostrate while Jihoon’s other hand reached for his shaft. For the second time that day, Soonyoung trembled into his orgasm spilling his cum all over Jihoon’s hands and the pillow underneath.  
  
Jihoon then pressed him to the pillow, straightening his legs that he was lying flat with face down on the pillow. He then felt Jihoon pour something on his bottom. But before he could ask him what it was, Jihoon then started rubbing his shaft in between the cheeks of Soonyoung’s bottom. He pressed Soonyoung’s butt cheeks together as he thrust his shaft in between.  
  
Soonyoung trembled each time the tip of Jihoon’s dick caressed his entrance. He felt Jihoon thrust faster, pressing him down on the pillow harder while he chased his high with his dick in between Soonyoung's ass cheeks. It wasn't long until he cumming all over Soonyoung's backside, before falling on top of Soonyoung panting. Soonyoung smiled when felt Jihoon pressed a small kiss on his shoulder blade before moving off Soonyoung to lie on his back.  
  
“Soons, can’t we stay like this forever?” Jihoon asked as he stared at the ceiling of the dimly lit practice room. Soonyoung knew that Jihoon was referring to their vague arrangement.  
  
“What exactly is this?” Soonyoung asked. He wanted so much to tell Jihoon that he wanted more, but he knew that what he was feeling was one sided at the moment. Jihoon faced Soonyoung and pulled him for a soft peck.  
  
“I know that we have been traversing this vague path for a while now and I know how confusing it is. But I kind of like what we have right now, without the complication of a relationship. You’re mine, and I’m yours, but with no strings attached.” Jihoon said and watched Soonyoung’s face for signs of what the other was thinking.  
  
“What does no strings attached mean?” Soonyoung could feel his heart breaking. He clenched his hands on the side and closed his eyes, maybe if he did he could hide just how much Jihoon’s words hurt him.  
  
“This, a physical arrangement, nothing more. I don’t think we could be more given our circumstances, given the huge risk that it will put the team if somebody finds out. I don’t think we’re in a position to be free to do what we want.”  
  
“So, basically what you’re saying is you’re just in it for the sex.” Soonyoung said. He could not help it when his voice shook a little and a tear almost fell but he was quick to wipe it away, but not quick enough for Jihoon not to notice. Jihoon quickly moved closer to Soonyoung. He then propped himself on his elbows to easily look at Soonyoung before he leaned in and kissed Soonyoung’s eyes, cheeks, nose, the side of his lips.  
  
“Don’t misunderstand please, I like you a lot. You are mine, and I am yours. There will be no other, only you, while we are in this arrangement.” Jihoon whispered as his lips ghosted on Soonyoung’s lips. “But for us to allow deeper emotions in this kind of arrangement would be disastrous. I don’t want to force ourselves into a relationship when the risk is too great. I’m not ready for a commitment. If you think that you’re okay with this, please stay with me. Stay with me, Soonyoung.”  
  
Jihoon rested his forehead on Soonyoung’s and held his breath as he wait for Soonyoung’s response. It wasn’t ideal, he knew that, but it was the only way that they could be together without putting too much pressure on themselves. It was the only way that they can be sure, that no matter how things ended, things will turn out okay, if he keeps their hearts protected by not involving them in their arrangement.  
  
What he didn’t know was that it was already too late for Soonyoung, he already invested his heart and it was breaking with each word that Jihoon says. But he had no choice. He know deep in his heart that he could no longer bear it to live without Jihoon, so he had no other choice but to accept.  
  
Soonyoung stopped his tears from falling. Soonyoung’s silence alarmed Jihoon. he really wished that Soonyoung accepts the arrangement.  
  
“Soons?”  
  
Soonyoung took a deep breath before speaking.  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“For real?”Jihoon asked.  
  
“Yes, but we have to establish some rules.” Soonyoung said as he sat up. But before he could stand up, Jihoon straddled him and kissed him while both hands caressed his cheeks.  
  
“Anything’s okay with me.” Jihoon said as he leaned in closer for another kiss.  
  
When they realized how late it was, they hurriedly cleaned up and decided to walk home. Soonyoung blushed when Jihoon took the stained pillow and carried it in his arms.  
  
“Where are you taking that?” Soonyoung asked and tried to grab the stained pillow from Jihoon.  
  
“I prefer your cum to be exclusively mine to taste, Soonyoung.” Jihoon said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
“Yah! Give me that, I’ll put it in the wash.”  
  
“No way. I’ll wash it or maybe keep it.” Jihoon naughtily smirked.  
  
“Yah!” Soonyoung yelled when Jihoon quickly ran away from him.  
  
That night, they walked home hand in hand and separated only after a few stolen kisses by the stairwell.  
  
When Soonyoung was in the safety of their apartment, he leaned in by the door and placed his hand on top of chest where his heart is.  
  
“Stop fluttering you idiot.” He told his heart. Then whispered to himself: “Be still my heart.”

**Jihoon's Rules**

****

**Soonyoung's Rules**

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	24. Jihoon's Hesitation

They just finished their showcase and everyone was on high. Their current album was breaking record here and there for physical sales, while the title song was rising through the charts. He smiled when he saw Mingyu almost tripped on a wire from excitement, while Minghao silently caught him. Vernon and Chan were talking about a school trip that Chan wants to go to but can’t. Jun was busy playing with his phone, while Seungcheol beside him was brooding as he watched Joshua teach jeonghan make a beaded bracelet, his current hobby.

Wonwoo, per usual, was trying to read a book and at the same time shield himself from the advances of BooSeokSoon. He laughed when he Soonyoung got hold of the book and ran away only to be caught by Wonwoo, who lifted Soonyoung on his shoulders and unceremoniously dumped him on the couch. Wonwoo, who was almost straddling Soonyoung, tickled Soonyoung until the other boy was almost crying. Seungkwan and Seokmin instead of helping Soonyoung, helped Wonwoo hold Soonyoung down.  
  
“Stop! I give up!” Soonyoung said laughing from Wonwoo’s tickling. Wonwoo finally stopped and lie down on Soonyoung’s chest, which made Jihoon clench his hands. They’re just friends he told himself.  
  
That should be us, Jihoon thought. If he wasn’t a nervous prick all the time, he wished he could be as carefree as Wonwoo or even the other members are. But he couldn’t, he wasn’t wired that way. Although there were certain people that he was comfortable being touchy with in the company of others, Soonyoung, despite their closeness, was not one of them. Sometimes he even unintentionally hurt the other with his actions, which happened again during the showcase. The fans asked the rest of the members to line up and hug Jihoon one by one. But he panicked when it was Soonyoung’s turn, that when the other boy was leaning in for a hug, he ducked and escaped. They laughed it out but Jihoon knew from Soonyoung’s eyes that he was embarrassed and hurt him.  
  
Jihoon watched as Wonwoo, as he always does when exhausted, clung on to Soonyoung and close his eyes. He intently stared at Soonyoung, hoping the other would get the message and push Wonwoo away. He chastise himself when he realized he had no right to even think of such thoughts. He blushed when Soonyoung caught him staring at him and smiled, but Jihoon knew that the lingering effect of being rejected was still present in Soonyoung’s eyes. He then moved Wonwoo off him and then stood up.  
  
“Wonu, come on, don’t sleep.” Soonyoung as he said pulled Wonwoo up into a sitting position.  
  
Jihoon watched the entire exchange with little stabs of jealousy pricking his heart, but he knew he didn’t have the right. He made sure of that when he told Soonyoung he wanted nothing more but a physical arrangement. But he couldn’t help it. Soonyoung’s every smile makes his heart flutters so much that sometimes he was scared he was going to explode. His kisses and touches were like air to him, making him feel alive. He knew his own heart. He just needed to admit it to himself that his feelings were more than just physical attraction, but he knew he couldn’t, because it was too risky if he did.  
  
Soonyoung stood up and walked towards Jihoon, but when Soonyoung was about to sit down, Jihoon unconsciously moved away.  
  
“Go away.” Jihoon curtly said. Some of the members who heard him laughed. It was too late when Jihoon saw the hurt expression of Soonyoung, who instead of sitting down decided to just silently walk away. Soonyoung didn’t talk to Jihoon the rest of the night and through the rest of the three week promotion period, making Jihoon anxious the whole time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	25. After Party

**Seungcheol's Post**

Jihoon looked around the party venue where they were having their after party. They had dinner with the staff that night but retired to a more private venue where only the members and a few close friends and staff were invited. But now that the time was late, only the members were left. The comeback was a great success, but Jihoon could not celebrate fully because there was still a wall between him and Soonyoung. He watched as Soonyoung danced together with Seokmin and Seungkwan while Vernon and Chan cheered on them. The three hyungs watched their dongsaengs adoringly put up a performance of their lifetime. He took a swig of his drink, a concoction that Mingyu ordered for him when he said he wanted to get a bit drunk, stood up and was about to walk towards Soonyoung before everything went black.  
  
Jihoon woke up to total darkness. The last thing he remembered was finally having the courage to talk to Soonyoung and now he was in his bed with a snoring Mingyu across from him. He sat up and tried to look for his phone to no avail. He didn’t know why but he felt anxious. The next thing he knew he was slowly opening the door to Soonyoung’s room. Luckily, Vernon, as always, must have stayed with his parents. So, he locked the door behind him and lay beside Soonyoung’s snoring form. He watched as the other boy slept with mouth slightly parted. The little bit of drool made Jihoon smile and before he could think twice about it, he wiped it away with his thumb. He stopped when he felt Soonyoung stirring.  
  
“Soonyoung? Are you awake?” When Soonyoung did not answer he leaned in closer to Soonyoung’s face to check, the next thing he saw was Soonyoung’s eyes fluttering open in shock and he was kicked off the bed. Soonyoung scrambled to get out of his blanket.  
  
“It’s me!” Jihoon said which shocked Soonyoung into stillness. "It's me dummy!"  
  
“Jihoon?” Soonyoung asked as he sat up on the bed. He tried reached out for Jihoon but immediately took back his hands when he realized what he just did. Jihoon didn't like him touching him, so Soonyoung stopped himself and masked his face with an indifferent expression.

Jihoon noticed how Soonyoung put up his walls again when he realized that it was Jihoon. He lay back in bed and turned his back on Jihoon. Jihoon’s guilt doubled. He should have talked to Soonyoung days before, but instead he let it fester into this, whatever it was. Jihoon stared at Soonyoung not quite knowing what to say until Soonyoung broke the silence.  
  
  
“Ji, if you’re here for a hand job or blowjob, I’m exhausted—“  
  
“I’m here because I want to apologize.” Jihoon interrupted and went back beside Soonyoung. He hesitated before lying down and wrapped his arms around Soonyoung. “I’m sorry I’m such an asshole. Please let me make it up to you.” When Soonyoung did not answer Jihoon nuzzled his nose in Soonyoung shoulder blades.  
  
“Please, I missed you Soonie, babe?” Jihoon said before leaving kisses at Soonyoung’s nape, while he let his hand travel from behind to reach Soonyoung’s crotch.  
  
Soonyoung groaned from the touch. His body reacted almost instantly and he almost gave in but he remembered that he was still mad at Jihoon for constantly rejecting him so grabbed Jihoon’s hand on his crotch and moved it away but Jihoon just moved his hand to hold him tighter by the waist.  
  
“I’m not having sex with you asshole.” Soonyoung snapped as wiggled out of Jihoon’s tight embrace, but Jihoon was stronger or he just didn’t try hard enough.  
  
“I know. I’m sorry, I just missed you that’s all.” Jihoon whispered while still back hugging Soonyoung on bed.  
  
“No, you didn’t. You missed my ass, not me.” Soonyoung said and grind his ass on Jihoon’s crotch to prove a point, Jihoon moaned from the contact. “See?”  
  
“It’s not my fault you make me horny all the time.” Jihoon said and pulled Soonyoung closer so he could continue rubbing himself against Soonyoung’s backside and sigh in contentment when he felt his private in between Soonyoung’s butt cheeks.  
  
“Yup, that’s all you ever feel for me, do you?” Soonyoung said.

Soonyoung’s voice shook and the hurt in his voice woke Jihoon up from his lascivious thoughts and ministrations. He was already half hard so he took a deep breath and made Soonyoung face him. His stomach lurch in guilt when he saw that Soonyoung eyes were a bit glassy like he was trying his best not to cry, but the quiver on his lips gave him away.  
  
“Shit! Soonie, I’m sorry. I really came here to apologize. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Jihoon hurriedly brushed away a tear that fell on Soonyoung’s cheeks. “I’m such an asshole, aren’t I? I came here to apologize and I— shit. I’m sorry.”  
  
“It’s okay. Doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t even be feeling this way, I’m sorry.” Soonyoung apologized.  
  
“What you mean?”  
  
“It hurts that’s all. I feel jealous that people other than me can touch you without any hesitation on their part and retaliation from you.”  
  
“That’s not true.” Jihoon insisted but he knew nothing was further from the thought.  
  
“Yes, it is. I knew this for as long as we have been friends. Except for a few instances that you forgot, you always push me away. Don’t deny it!” Soonyoung quickly said when he saw that Jihoon was about to protest. “Our fans even notices it. I just thought that since things changed between us on a physical level and you’ve touched and even fucking licked every part of me, that maybe that dynamic would change. Maybe you’ll actually, even just once, allow me to put my arms around you, hug you, or just be affectionate with you. But you won’t. I keep asking myself if there’s something wrong with me, if maybe for you, I’m only meant to satisfy you in the bedroom. To be some sort of fuck toy but even then you won’t let me touch you.”  
  
  
“I didn’t know you looked at me with so much disdain that you’d think I’d go as low as thinking of you as a fucking toy. Give me little more credit, Soonyoung. I’m an asshole but not that kind of asshole.” Jihoon said as he release Soonyoung from his hold and sat up. “I’m insensitive, I know that. But I won’t fucking use you, especially you.” He clenched his fist on his side. He wanted so much to walk away but he wanted to fix whatever the problem was between the two of them. He thought if they limit their arrangement to a physical one they wouldn’t be having these problems, but he was wrong. He turned around when he felt a tiny tug at his shirt. He lie down again and face Soonyoung, his anger dissipating the moment he saw Soonyoung’s tears.  
  
“Soons, I’m never going to be that guy who will just use you like that. Please give me a chance to make mistakes without you thinking the worst of me, I’m also new to this as you are. Will you please do that for me? Please? I’m trying my best.” Jihoon begged. He leaned in and softly peck Soonyoung’s lips. “I know I should have talked to you at once, but I kept hesitating and I’m sorry. I should have been braver. I’m sorry.”  
  
“Okay...” Soonyoung whispered. He felt guilty for thinking the worst of Jihoon, without giving the other guy the chance to explain. Jihoon was right, they were new to this arrangement.  
  
“As for the constant rejection, I’m sorry, I really am. I didn’t mean it. Please forgive me, I’ll try my best so it won’t happen again. Just punch me or something if I do it again, but don’t ignore me please. It was never my intention to make you feel rejected and to humiliate you. I’m sorry.”  
  
“It’s okay—“  
  
“It’s not. I didn’t know you felt that way. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Don’t cry, please. I’m sorry.” Jihoon said as he pulled Soonyoung closer to him.  
  
“Just so you know I’m crying as a friend and not as your— I don’t know, your fuck-friend, boy toy, or bum chum, or what am I again?” Soonyoung said voice muffled because he was pressed to Jihoon’s chest.  
  
“Does it really matter?”  
  
“Maybe.” Soonyoung whispered. He hesitated before saying:  
  
“Ji, what if I’m not totally happy with this arrangement.”  
  
“Soons, we already talked about this.”  
  
“I know. I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m sorry if I complicate things with my emotions.” Soonyoung said. He looked at Jihoon and realized one thing, maybe it was just an excuse, the thing about complication, maybe Jihoon just didn’t feel the same way.  
  
“It’s okay. I know how confusing this is, I feel the same way.” Jihoon admitted. He knew their arrangement was purely physical but it was really difficult to keep things separate all the time. He realized this when he got jealous over Wonwoo’s affection to Soonyoung. Jihoon decided that it was a conversation meant for another time, when things are a bit more clearer. “Am I forgiven?”  
  
“No.” Soonyoung teased but lie down on his back pulling Jihoon on top of him, who smiled from the closeness.  
  
“Let me make it up to you then.” Leaning in give Soonyoung a kiss, but Soonyoung turned his head last minute, so Jihoon proceeded to kiss his neck.  
  
“I told you I don’t want to have—“ Soonyoung sigh when Jihoon brushed his nose on a sensitive part of his ear.  
  
“I’m not talking about sex idiot. Just give me a chance to be better, okay? Besides, our fans love a little bit of angst.” Jihoon said while one hand found its way under Soonyoung’s shirt, caressing his waist lightly.  
  
“Have you been reading fan fictions again?” Soonyoung whimpered a bit when he felt Jihoon’s thigh grazed his crotch while his hand found one of his buds.  
  
“Soons, you haven’t spoken to me in two weeks. I— need.. ahh.. an outlet.” Jihoon panted in his ear as he grind his hard on against Soonyoung’s thigh.  
  
“Yah! You’re so—“ Soonyoung could feel Jihoon’s erection on his thigh. It felt so hot that he shivered from the sensation alone. He scolded himself for being weak for Jihoon. Despite the unanswered questions and how abruptly and vaguely their conversation ended, he still could not stop himself from being drawn into Jihoon. He was like a moth to a flame, drawn to the light and heat. The only difference was that the moth was innocent and unknowing of what lies ahead, while Soonyoung knowingly dives into his own destruction.  
  
“Yeah, I am. My dick misses your mouth and ass, even though you still wouldn’t let me fuck you.” Jihoon moved so that his body was in between Soonyoung’s legs. He then proceeded to grind their clothe erection together.  
  
“Ahhh... Lee Jihoon, when did your mouth become so dirty?” Soonyoung moaned when he felt a particularly hard thrust.  
  
“I don’t know. Maybe the moment we—“  
  
“Jihoon, wait, stop.” Soonyoung panted as he tried to make Jihoon stop from grinding against him. “I’m serious when I said I don’t want to do anything tonight.”  
  
“Your dick says otherwise.” Jihoon smirked and tried to start grinding again but Soonyoung flicked his forehead to make him stop, so he did.  
  
“I missed you, Kwon Soonyoung.” He whispered before pecking Soonyoung’s lips. He read on the internet the rules of a no strings attached relationship, and he knew he had already broken most of them and the rule that says to not get emotionally attached. But he said it anyway, because he wanted Soonyoung to know that he missed him and not just because of his libido. It doesn’t really matter anyway, the rules, because no matter how much he tries to deny it, he was emotionally attached to Soonyoung even before they started this whole arrangement.  
  
“I missed you too.” Soonyoung responded and also gave Jihoon a peck on the lips, but he laughed when Soonyoung continued: “But I’m not going near your dick, asshole. I’m exhausted. Maybe tomorrow night, if...”  
  
“If what?” Jihoon asked genuinely curious as to what Soonyoung wants.  
  
“If you let me tie you up.” Soonyoung said. Jihoon didn’t know if Soonyoung was joking or not, but the thought of ropes limiting his movement and Soonyoung having full control over him was definitely doing wonders in his imagination.  
  
“Nope, no deal.” Jihoon answered.  
  
“Okay. Suit yourself.” Soonyoung responded. Pushing Jihoon completely off him, making the other boy laugh.  
  
“What kind of tying up exactly?” Jihoon asked. He surprised himself when he found himself actually considering it.  
  
“You said you wanted to make it up for me for avoiding my touches, so make it up to me by allowing me to touch you, like touch every corner and crevices of your body.” Soonyoung whispered trying to sound seductive but Jihoon laughed and ruined the atmosphere. “I’m trying to seduce you and you laugh at me!”  
  
“I’m sorry. It’s jut that, Soons, that’s— I don’t know. Do we even know how to do those type of stuff? We haven’t even have sex yet and we’re talking about tying me up.”  
  
“Hear me out. All the time we did it, it was always you who, well touched me. The only moment you allowed me to touch your body when you were, in my mouth. I just want to explore you that’s all.” When Jihoon did not respond Soonyoung continued. “Okay, never mind. It was just a thought. We can do whatever.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“Really?” Soonyoung asked, genuinely surprised.  
  
“Uhmm, yeah.” Jihoon replied. He wanted to make it up to Soonyoung, but more importantly he wanted to make Soonyoung feel that he values him and his wants. If this is the way to prove it, then he’s willing to go through it.  
  
“You must really be horny Lee Jihoon.” Soonyoung teased and reached inside Jihoon’s pajamas and started stroking his shaft.  
  
“Or maybe I just missed you Kwon Soonyoung.” Jihoon shivered when Soonyoung stroked him harder.  
  
“I was just kidding about tying you up, but I really want to touch you. Maybe taste you. Anything really, as long as it’s you.” Soonyoung whispered on Jihoon’s ear.  
  
“O— okay.” Jihoon said. He would have agreed to anything that Soonyoung wants as long as Soonyoung does not stop his hand from the work that he so generously started. But more importantly, he would agree to anything for the simple reason that it was Soonyoung.  
  
“Anything.. ahhh.. Soonyoung..” Jihoon moaned as he released his load on Soonyoung’s hands.

**Jihoon's Rules**

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	26. Love is in the Air

The members noticed a change in the atmosphere between their great two pillars. They knew the two have always been close, closer than anyone of them could be with anyone. They knew each other so well that they knew what to and what to avoid when it comes to each other. The members knew how Soonyoung takes care of Jihoon, and vice versa. They saw how Soonyoung would cling to Jihoon, and Jihoon would jokingly push the other away, that was their dynamics. No matter their closeness, they were never clingy to each other, or Jihoon were not, Soonyoung on the other hand was another story.  
  
The maknae line noticed the changes the most. It was because they were spread out to different units, and Seungkwan forced Chan and Vernon to take notes when they first noticed how their leaders were either hot or cold to each other. Chan even noticed a bunch of sunflowers in Soonyoung’s locker, which made his hyung smile. When he asked about it, Soonyoung said it was from a friend. The friend turned out to be Jihoon. He knew this because Seungkwan saw Jihoon walking out of a flower shop with a bunch of sunflowers. After the particular incident, they would often sit beside each other and observe the little exchanges between the hyungs. Vernon was just there to do whatever it was that Seungkwan wants. His first task was to ask Seungcheol what happened to their lunch, which he found out that it was originally planned by Jihoon for Soonyoung but they invited him and a few friends. Vernon reported that Jihoon left Seungcheol in favor of accompanying Soonyoung back to the company.  
  
After the sunflower and lunch incident, they became really busy with their schedule and the only time they get to spy on their hyungs was when both were together in the practice room. Vernon took note of the little things, like how Jihoon would throw a towel at Soonyoung, or leave a fresh batch of water after practice before heading out to the studio if Soonyoung would stay behind to polish the choreography. Chan, on the other hand, since he was assigned to monitor the progress of their dance, noticed how both his hyungs would look at each other through the mirror and smile. Then they’d look away as if it was illegal to look at each other. Then they’d look away as if it was illegal to look at each other. Sometimes, when passing through each other in the transition of their dances, Soonyoung would subtlety poke Jihoon in the tummy making the producer smile. Seungkwan, on the other hand, just noticed that despite being the most busy ones in the group and having no rest at all, both hyungs seemed cheerful. He noticed how they’d lock themselves up in the studio when they think everyone had gone home. He knew this because he went back to the company when he forgot about his phone and discreetly watched as Jihoon ran to the practice room. Seconds later, the lights went out. When Seungkwan silently entered, there were clothes strewn everywhere but there was no one there and the only light was coming from the locker room.  
  
When he told Chan and Vernon about it, Chan just said:  
  
“Jihoon Hyung must have been desperate for a shower,” making Seungkwan and Vernon laugh.  
  
  
Then came the storm, as the maknae line coined it. It started when the fans asked the members to hug each other, but Seungkwan said he rather that they all hug Woozi and Hoshi for working so hard in this comeback. So, they lined up and hug their two captains. But when it was their time to hug each other, Woozi duck from Soonyoung’s grasp. The other members laughed, even Hoshi did, but Seungkwan noticed his smile didn’t quite reach his ear. Then it happened again when they were in the waiting room after their showcase. Seungkwan sigh at the idiocy of his own hyung. He told the other to go away as if he had not been staring at the other boy with pure longing. During the whole period of promotion, he watched Jihoon puff up his chest with air with a determined face and walk towards Soonyoung only to make a bee line for something else. He almost threw a bottle at his hyung, but instead he started a chicken dance battle in the practice room.  
  
They were still on their recognizance mission through out their tour, but they were not the only ones who were paying attention now. Seungcheol and the other members also did. The fans also did. But everyone, except for Wonwoo, Jeonghan, and now the maknae line, thought everything was fan service.

❤️ 

**Jihoon's Post**

****

It started subtlety with Jihoon replying to all of Soonyoung’s post in waverse. Just random comments on Soonyoung’s random posts.  
  
Then, to the surprise of the members and the delight of the fans, Jihoon posted a conversation where in Soonyoung called him Jagiya. It pushed carats into a frenzy trying to determine what was really written behind the yellow censor that Jihoon put

**Real Message**

****

After posting their conversation on social media, Jihoon found himself walking towards the practice room. But to his disappointment, the rest of the performance team was there. They were making adjustments to their song 24/7 to accomodate 5 members since the vocal team was going to be covering it. But Soonyoung was busy smiling on his phone.  
  
“Hey guys, can I borrow Hoshi for a while?” Jihoon asked as he grabbed a surprised Soonyoung and pulled him up.  
  
“Sure hyung, you don’t even have to return him.”. Chan teased.  
  
“Yah! Lee Chan!” Soonyoung said, but Chan just laughed as he watched Jihoon pushed Soonyoung towards the door. He then took his phone and immediately texted Seungkwan.  
  
Soonyoung on the other hand, found himself being pulled inside a utility closet with Jihoon locking the door behind him.  
  
“Okay, Jihoon, you didn’t have to post it. I’ll stop with the flirting, you don’t have to—“  
  
But before he could finish what he was saying, Jihoon’s lips found it way to his. He gasp when he felt Jihoon’s thigh pressed against his crotch and Jihoon took the opportunity to taste Soonyoung’s with his tongue. He was almost out of breath from Jihoon’s overwhelming kisses when Jihoon switch his attention his neck.  
  
“Ji, no marks.” Soonyoung panted. When Jihoon’s aggressively peppered Soonyoung’s neck with kisses, before going back to cover his lips.Soonyoung smiled when Jihoon’s kissed slowed down and turn soft.  
  
“Hmmm.. I thought you were going to scold me.”  
  
“I wouldn’t have posted that if I was.” Jihoon whispered and then he pressed their foreheads together. “I missed you, Jagiya.”  
  
“Message received, Jagiya.” Soonyoung smiled from the term of endearment. His heart was giddy, but he was also confuse as to what everything meant.  
  
Jihoon on the other hand, didn’t want to think about what it means, he just wants to live in the moment and for that particular moment he wanted to make sure that Soonyoung knew just how much he missed him.

❤️ 

They were taking a break from practicing. Some of the members were having coffee, while some members where having bubba. He was resting and watching Soonyoung talk to the performance team across the room when his phone notified him that Mingyu posted a picture.

**Mingyu's Post**

Jihoon laughed at Mingyu’s post. Mingyu was sipping coffee and the straw somehow pushed his upper lips upwards. It was supposed to be cute, but Jihoon just found it funny. So, he decided to copy him and also copied his caption. The fans found it hilarious.

**Jihoon's Post**

He saw Soonyoung checked his phone and laughed. When their eyes met, he mouth the words: “Fighting my loves,” which made the dancer blushed so red, it was visible from across the room.

❤️ 

Jihoon was stuck in the studio whole day. It had been a week since their tryst in the utility closet and he missed Soonyoung. But both of them were currently swamped with work. He needed to make rearrangements of their songs to better suit the concept and energy that they want for their concert. They had too many song and too limited time, so they needed to make medleys out of different song and put it all in one part. He needed to work fast so Soonyoung could also rearrange the choreography to better suit the music. He already handed several songs to Soonyoung, and the other boy was also stuck in the practice room. It was a typical week for both of them.  
  
But it felt different for Jihoon for the simple reason that now he knows a better way to spend most of his time, and he badly wanted to see Soonyoung. The other boy promised to drop by that night.  
  
It was already late and Soonyoung still hasn’t shown up. He pout in disappointment when he saw Soonyoung’s post in waverse.

**Soonyoung's Post**

**Jihoon's Message to Soonyoung**

****

Jihoon got even more disappointed when Soonyoung left him on read.  
  
Jihoon shut down his computer and decided to just spend the night at the studio. He was still a little ticked off at Soonyoung for blowing him off. He turned off the lights and lie down on his couch, but he was still too agitated to fall asleep. So, he started singing some random tune until he fell asleep. He woke up feeling warm and comfortable. He smiled when he realized the Soonyoung was curled up beside him, clinging on to him so he won’t fall of the couch.  
  
“Hey, you’re awake.” Soonyoung smiled. “I’m sorry, I ran as fast I could but you were already asleep—“  
  
Jihoon interrupted Soonyoung with a kiss.  
  
“I missed you Kwon Soonyoung.”  
  
“I missed you too.”  
  
They both cleaned up. They took individual selcas as they start their day together. Jihoon then grabbed Soonyoung and made him sit between his legs and wrapped his arms around his waist while his rested his chin on his shoulder. He watched as Soonyoung uploaded the selca picture and captioned it with a sun. Jihoon also uploaded his, and captioned it with the cloud and sun emoji.

**Soonyoung's Post**

**Jihoon's Post**

  
“Why with the cloud?” Soonyoung asked. Jihoon pulled Soonyoung closer to him and kissed his cheeks.  
  
“Because right now, the cloud is hugging the sun.” Jihoon said making Soonyoung laugh from the cheesiness of it all.

❤️

Mingyu was cleaning their dorm room on one of their rare day offs when the guard called their apartment alerting them of a package for Lee Jihoon.  
  
“Hyung! I think you have a package!” Mingyu yelled for Jihoon from the living room. Mingyu watched Jihoon went outside to wait for the packae opened the package, it contained two pizza boxes. Jihoon left one on the table and walked out of the apartment. A few minute later, he came back, took the box and went to their shared room. Mingyu’s phone buzz from a notification. He smiled when Soonyoung posted the very same box that Jihoon just received.

**Soonyoung's Post**

****

**Soonyoung and Jihoon's Conversation**

But it didn’t stop with just the shirt, Soonyoung bought them a couple parkas, which he insisted wearing to the rehearsals for an outdoor show. But Jihoon forgot about it, and almost panicked when he saw Soonyoung’s disappointed face while they were the car. He wanted so much to reach out to the boy, but their members were present.  
  
When they arrived, Soonyoung went out first. He was about to follow when Mingyu stopped him.  
  
“Here hyung, I’m sorry. I picked up your coat by mistake.”  
  
Luckily, it got stuck under Mingyu’s huge pink balenciaga coat and Mingyu picked it up by mistake in his way out, Mingyu told him.  
  
“Thanks Gyu, you’re a life saver. I owe you one.” He said as they walked towards the venue.  
  
Jihoon smiled at Soonyoung cheekily when the other saw him. Soonyoung just rolled his eyes him, still irritated at Jihoon for forgetting. He knew it was Mingyu who brought the parka because Soonyoung was the one who asked him.  
  
“Hey! We matched!” Jihoon teased Soonyoung and jumped around the boy poking his tummy repeatedly, until Soonyoung finally laughed.  
  
Seungkwan raised his eyebrows and shot a knowing look at Vernon and Chan.  
  
“Well, Jihoon hyung’s in a good mood.” Chan said making Seungkwan and Vernon laugh.  
  
That day, despite the cold weather, Soonyoung practiced happily.

**Fan Twitter Post**

The next day in their practice room, Soonyoung excitedly grab his phone when he saw that Jihoon was wearing the same outfit as he. Jihoon pretended to be annoyed when Soonyoung made him take a picture with him, but he felt giddy inside, especially after reading the caption to Soonyoung’s post.  
  
He wrote a comment under Soonyoung’s post that he hated it, and laughed when he saw Soonyoung pout a bit before laughing together with him.

**Soonyoung's Post**

**❤️**

Everyone was exhausted. They have been practicing for almost 12 hours a day for a week now, and their creative director just told them they get 3 days off. But before they could escape the practice room, they needed to tidy it for a bit. So, they decided to play a game. Out of thirteen of them, only three will remain to clean the practice room while the rest can go home and get their much needed rest.  
  
The game was simple. They just need to find an item to throw on a pillow. The last three who fails will remain. Soonyoung was excited to get home. Most of the guys were going home to their respective families, but Jihoon and Soonyoung needed to stay behind to straighten some details regarding the tour. It meant they can have the dorm to themselves that night, if he wins the game.  
  
Jihoon chose to throw the ac remote control and succeeded at first try. He slapped his forehead in frustration when he saw Soonyoung grab another pillow. Soonyoung was definitely going to be on cleaning duty, and he was not wrong. He’s stuck with Jeonghan and Jisoo.  
  
[Well, at least he has help.] Jihoon thought. But when he saw Jeonghan’s mischievous smile, Jihoon knew Soonyoung was going to be stuck cleaning the practice room alone.  
  
“Soonyoungie, let’s play another game. You, Shua, and Me. Whoever loses cleans alone.” Jeonghan said. Jihoon sigh when Soonyoung excitedly agreed, not noticing both Jeonghan and Joshua giving each other signals.  
  
They were going to play the push palm wars, but this time the three of them all at once. Jeonghan and Joshua teamed up again Soonyoung making the other lose.  
  
“Yeah!” Jeonghan cheered. “Sorry Soonie, I want to help but a deal’s a deal!”  
Jeonghan laughed as he pulled Joshua to get their bags. Soonyoung on the other hand just laughed, and proceeded to gather the pillows that were on the floor as well as a few trash.  
  
“Come on Jihoon-ah, we can grab dinner before going home.” Seungcheol said.  
  
“Go ahead, hyung. I need to go drop some stuff in the studio.” Jihoon said as he took his phone and pretended to look at it.  
  
“No working dude. It’s officially our day off.” Seungcheol said and watched as Jihoon locked and unlocked his phone over and over again.  
  
“I’m not going to work.”  
  
“Come on then.” Seungcheol insisted.  
  
“Nah, you go ahead. I’ll help Soonyoung out.”  
  
“Oh okay. See you guys!” Seungcheol said as he tried to catch up with the rest of the members.  
  
When Jihoon was sure that they were alone, he went to Soonyoung and flicked the other boy in the forehead.  
  
“Yah, you shouldn’t have made a deal with Han and Shua hyung. You know they’re mischievous as fuck.”  
  
“I know that. I saw them giving signals to one another.” Soonyoung said and proceeded to get the vacuum cleaner.  
  
“Then why the—“  
  
“Because Jeonghan Hyung looks exhausted. He could really use a break, so I agreed. Besides, I knew you’d stay.”  
  
“I’m only here to watch.” Jihoon said as he crossed his arms trying to make a point. Soonyoung pouted. “No, don’t pout at me.”  
  
Soonyoung gave Jihoon one last pout and a sad look before continuing setting up the vacuum cleaner.  
  
“Aish!” Jihoon said as he grabbed the vacuum cleaner from Soonyoung and started cleaning.

**Jeonghan Post**

****

**❤️**

It was the last day of their break and the rest of the members were already home. Since Jeonghan and Seungkwan asked Soonyoung to hang out, Jihoon decided to go out himself with Seungcheol, Daniel, and Chanyeol. They hung out in a coffee shop trying to come up with a plan for a collaboration.  
  
Jihoon was always was playing a game on his phone, while his friends talk. He saw a recent post of Seungkwan and Jeonghan, talking about how Soonyoung cried.

**Seungkwan and Jeonghan Post**

****

His heart ached when he saw a picture of Soonyoung with swollen eyes.  
  
“I have to go.” Jihoon stood up surprising his friends.  
  
“Ji, we thought we were to grab a drink after this.” Daniel said.  
  
“I’m sorry, something urgent came up.” Jihoon said as he grabbed his wallet and left his surprised friends. Jihoon never leaves when they talk about music, preferring to be in the middle of things, especially since this was also his project. Seeing this side of Jihoon was new to them.  
  
Jeonghan and Seungkwan were keeping Soonyoung company since the boy was feeling emotional because of a post of a fan. Soonyoung’s head was resting on Jeonghan’s lap when Jihoon walked into Soonyoung’s room.  
  
“Jihoon-ah?” Jeonghan said, surprised by the sudden appearance of their vocal team leader.  
  
“I brought ice cream.” Jihoon said as if it was not a big deal and pulled Soonyoung into a seating position. Both Seungkwan and Jeonghan smiled knowingly.  
  
“Stop crying you idiot.” Jihoon said as he wiped Soonyoung’s tear stained cheeks with his sleeves. Soonyoung tried to move away from Jihoon, conscious that Jeonghan and Seungkwan were in the room, but Jihoon was having none of it. “Stop fidgeting. Here, eat. You need sugar since you cried.” Jihoon said as he grabbed a plastic spoon and gave a tub of ice cream to Soonyoung. He also gave Jeonghan and Seungkwan a tub each.  
  
“Better?” Jihoon asked when Soonyoung got his fill of the ice cream.  
  
“Yes, thank you.”  
  
Jihoon then discreetly gave Soonyoung’s hand a squeeze of reassurance.

**❤️**

The company told them that they were opening a new tiktok account since it was one of the sponsors for an event they were attending in a few days. The members had fun posting different video clips, mostly of them clowning around.  
  
They were in a radio station to promote the event and just waiting for the live radio show.  
  
“Can we post the dance challenge of left and right?” Soonyoung asked.  
  
“No thanks.” Chan said busy with playing a video game with Vernon.  
  
“Seokmin-ah! Lets?”  
  
“Sorry hyung, Jeonghan and Shua Hyung asked me to bring this to them.” Seokmin said and left.  
  
“I’m not feeling well.” Seungkwan said even before Soonyoung could open his mouth.  
  
“Oh, okay. Never mind.” Soonyoung said as he went back to his sit.

Jihoon pulled Soonyoung into an empty room with their manager.  
  
“Here.” Jihoon said.  
  
“What are we doing?” Soonyoung asked.  
  
“You said you wanted to post the challenge.”  
  
Soonyoung wanted to hug Jihoon right then and there, but their manager was watching.  
  
When Zico’s new song was release, Soonyoung just had to look at Jihoon who sigh before allowing to be drag by Soonyoung for another tiktok challenge.  
  
During the day of the event, they were lounging in their waiting room when Daniel came in. He greeted the rest of the members formally before heading straight to Jihoon who was sitting across from Soonyoung. He sat beside Jihoon, slinging an arm around him, to Jihoon’s surprise.  
  
“Jihoon-ah, do your song challenge with me.” Daniel said.  
  
“No, thanks.” Jihoon said as he tried to escape from Daniel’s arms. He warily watch Soonyoung from across the room, who was busy playing something on his phone.  
  
“Dude! You did one with Hoshi, I’m also your friend aren’t i? Plus it’s a perfect teaser for our collab project.” Daniel said.  
  
“That’s different, and I’m tired.”  
  
“Why? Don’t tell me that it’s no longer fan service.” Daniel teased. He once talked about it with Jihoon and the latter said it was because of promotions.  
  
“Of course it is asshole.”  
  
Jihoon noticed Soonyoung’s face change when he said that everything was fanservice.  
  
“Go, I’ll fucking follow you.” Jihoon said.  
  
Jihoon watched as Daniel leave before sayaing: “Soons, let’s go.”  
  
“What?” Soonyoung asked startled to be addressed by Jihoon.  
  
“Do it with me, please.” Jihoon asked as he pulled Soonyoung out of the waiting room.  
  
“Fine.” Soonyoung grumbled not totally happy when Jihoon said that everything was just fan service.  
  
“Wait.” Jihoon looked around the empty room before standing on his tip toe and gave Soonyoung a kiss on the cheek.  
  
“Okay, what was that for?” Soonyoung blushed as he touch the cheek that Jihoon kissed.  
  
“Fan service is just an excuse for me to be close to you, it’s not the other way around. I hope you know that.” Jihoon said.  
  
“Oh, okay.” Soonyoung blushed, heart fluttering from Jihoon’s overly sweetness.  
  
“Come on, Jagiya.” Jihoon pulled Soonyoung to follow Daniel.  
  
Daniel was surprised when Jihoon brought Soonyoung with him. Well, the more the merrier, he thought.

❤️ 

They were shooting for several vcrs for the upcoming tour. Some involved being drenched in water, while the other was to play around, they played a game for that. They needed to finish everything in a day, and Seungcheol was mad at the company for scheduling it that way. There were also vcrs which needed a couple of members each. But it needed to be shot in the morning after the day of the shoot, that’s why nobody was volunteering.  
  
“I’ll do it.” Jihoon said. He then pointedly looked at Soonyoung, waiting for the other to speak. When the other boy didn’t, Jihoon kicked him in the shin and he jumped up in surprise, which made the members laugh.  
  
“Oh, yeah. We’ll do it. We need to feed the soonhoonists content anyways.” Soonyoung said as he rubbed his shin.  
  
When the VCR was revealed, everyone in the audience went crazy.

**Fan Post**

****

❤️ 

The one part of the concert, they wore the shirts that they designed themselves. The members laughed out loud when Soonyoung revealed himself. He was wearing a tiger hat, a tiger belt, and the tiger shirt he designed himself.  
  
“You look ridicuous.” Jihoon said when he saw Soonyoung, and walked away laughing. Soonyoung indeed looked ridiculous for Jihoon, ridiculously cute. But Jihoon thought he didn’t need to know that.  
  
During their last stop, the members thought it would be fun to exchange shirt designs,. They draw lots to determine who gets who. To Jihoon’s fake dismay, he drew Soonyoung’s name.  
  
“I’m not wearing the hat!” He announced. But he was secretly delighted that he picked Soonyoung, anything about the boy just made him feel good and he wanted to shout to the world just how much he likes him, even though Soonyoung himself does not know.  
  
So, without planning it, when he was singing his part in 9-teen, he referred to the tiger on his left chest near his heart. He realized while singing that night that Soonyoung was indeed his 9teen, his youth, and his dream. Singing the song made him realized a that he shouldn’t let moments with Soonyoung pass him and he shouldn’t succumbed to his fears and be a little braver, for the simple reason that it’s Soonyoung.  
  
That’s why he made sure that he was beside Soonyoung for the final bow. Soonyoung tried to hide his surprise when he felt Jihoon beside him. He was even more surprised when Jihoon transferred his microphone to his other hand and tightly held on to Soonyoung and squeezing tighter as they made their bow. If there comes a time when he had to give up his career as an idol, he wouldn’t mind doing it. He wouldn’t mind doing his last bow holding on to the hands of the person that had been constantly creeping into his heart until he made a permanent residence there, Jihoon thought.

**Fan Post**

****

**Fan Post**

****

**Fan Post**

****

To cap off the perfect evening, Jihoon also asked Soonyoung to do the send off with him. They were already done when staff members told them to do it again since apparently Soonyoung forgot to press record on the cam cord. The members were surprised when Jihoon didn’t even get mad for a bit, but just smiled fondly at the other.  
  
“You’re such an idiot.” My idiot, he thought.

**Fan Post**

  
  


They found out the next day that the fans was able to capture the 9teen moment and everyone went wild about it on social media. He blushed when members started teasing him about it, but instead of getting angry, he just shrugged it off and took a sit beside Soonyoung.  
  
Later, that night, in the privacy of their hotel room, as Soonyoung lie on bed with his head on Jihoon’s shoulder as the latter played with his hand, Soonyoung asked the question again:  
  
“Jihoon-ah, what are we?”  
  
A question to which Jihoon already know the answer, but he opted to reply with silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	27. Seungcheol's Fears

Seungcheol noticed throughout their tour period how Jihoon and Soonyoung’s dynamics change, from being friends to that of something more. Although Jihoon never told him, he knew just by looking at them that something was different. It was the little touches, head leaning, eye contacts, and mostly the little things, surprisingly initiated by Jihoon himself. It was noticeable because they were something new from the rigid producer. If he noticed it, surely the other members did too, he thought, and maybe even the staff and eventually the company itself.  
  
The company gave them a week’s vacation after their successful tour. Usually he would have went home to his family, but he stayed with the purpose of talking to Jihoon and Soonyoung, who unfortunately needed to stay for work. It was the nature of their respnosibility, and both had already accepted that, but it doesn’t make it easier for the rest of the members to feel less guilty for being on vacation when both were swamped with work, no matter how the two assured them that it was okay. They were the main engines of seventeen, and surely the machine would fail without both of their captains. This is why he felt the urge to talk to both of them. He needed to make sure that both were not taking unnecessary risks that would jeopardize their group.  
  
He knocked on the door of the studio and found Jihoon slumped in front of the computer, alone. He watched as Jihoon bobbed his head to whatever beat he was working on at the moment, relaxed, not the normal Jihoon who was always stressed out during the beginning of comeback preparations.  
  
“Ji?” Seungcheol tapped Jihoon by the shoulder, who was surprised to see Seungcheol in the company.  
  
“Yah, why are you here? I thought you were going to visit your family.” Jihoon said as he gestured for Seungcheol to sit on the couch. Jihoon noticed that Seungcheol was fidgeting and a bit nervous. So, he dragged his chair nearer to his hyung.  
  
“Hyung, what is it?’ Jihoon asked when Seungcheol remained silent. He got nervous. Seungcheol was rarely this serious. He usually gets to the point. But he could feel the immense hesitation from the other, making him more nervous.  
  
“You and Soonyoung.” Seungcheol swallowed. Jihoon knew what was coming, a reprimand for not telling him or maybe even a plea for caution, but Jihoon did not expect the next words that came out of Sengcheol’s mouth. “You need to stop it before you put the team in danger.”  
  
“What?” Jihoon was flabbergasted. He smiled in disbelief at what Seungcheol was saying. He clenched his fist on his lap and pursed his lips not wanting the say anything. “What exactly are you saying?”  
  
“Look Ji, I’ve been through that, and I tell you it’s not worth the pain. So, nip it in the bud before it goes out of control.” Seungcheol said.  
  
Jihoon just stared at Seungcheol in disbelief. He couldn’t believe that Seungcheol, his closest hyung, was the one telling him this without even asking him of his thoughts. He felt betrayed that instead of supporting them and helping them out, Seungcheol was the one trying to break them down.  
  
“I don’t think that’s any of your business.” Jihoon as a matter of factly.  
  
“But it is. Whatever it is that you think you both are doing, it’s going to affect us all in the end. The team needs both of you. Our careers are just flourishing, breaking records here and there. I don’t think this is the time to be selfish and—“  
  
“Fuck you!” Jihoon snapped and stood up. His heart was beating so loudly. He was becoming more agitated the more he think about what Seungcheol just said. “Don’t fucking talk to me about being selfish because I’ve put everything of me into this team already. Soonyoung and I both did. If you haven’t noticed, we’re here aren’t we? We’re exhausted, but we’re still here breaking our backs for this fucking team that clearly does not even give a fuck about us.”  
  
“I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant Ji.” Seungcheol said. “I’m sorry.”  
  
“I’m happy. For the first time in my whole life. This something that we have, I feel that it anchors me in this world, Soonyoung keeps me from floating away. I feel that the gap here has been filled. I am breathing because I want to, not just because I have to... a-and you’re a-asking me to..” Jihoon said as he run his hand through his hair in frustration. He sat back on his computer chair and turned his back on Seungcheol.  
  
  
“I’m sorry, Ji. But you know I’m right. In the end nothing good, will come out of these types of relationships. We still live in a world and an industry where these things are just not acceptable. In the end, we still lose and I have accepted that. I try every day to live with that. If you continue with this path, in the end you will lose him, Ji. Either you lose him now, or you lose him in the end when he realized that he lost his dreams because of you. You will lose him, just like how I lost Jeonghan.” Seungcheol clenched his fist on his lap. “Now, look at us. He— he hardly even acknowledges that I’m a-alive, except when the cameras are on. We were close friends before we became lovers, and now I don’t even deserve even a second’s glance from him.” Seungcheol explained. He rubbed his eyes with his hand trying to wipe away the tears that threatened to fall.  
  
“We’re not the same. You were the one who decided that for yourself. You fucking told him he was nothing to you.” Jihoon snapped. He remembered how broken Jeonghan was when he first came home after that night, how Jeonghan burried his face on his pillows just to muffle the sound of his sobs. But Jihoon still saw it, how his body wrecked in sobs as he tried to deal with the pain the Seungcheol cause. It was even more hurtful to watch because Jeonghan bravely accepted the pain and felt in silence and alone.  
  
“Jihoon, I love him. I know you guys think that I played with his feelings, but that’s not true. He was everything to me, that’s why I couldn’t risk his dreams, the possibility that in the end he will blame me for losing his dreams, Ji. I let him go, because I love him so much until now it fucking hurts.” Seungcheol said and wiped away an escaped tear.  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
Seungcheol took a deep breath before continuing:  
  
“It was either I convince the company that we were nothing, or we’re both kicked out of the team. I was okay with that, but I could’t do it to Jeonghan. I couldn’t risk his dreams for something that I started, because I was the one who did. I was the one who first reached out to kiss him.”  
  
Seungcheol’s eyes started to welled up with tears when he remembered that one faithful day when he was asked to throw is love away. It was the day when every good thing in his life started falling apart.  
  
“And yes, we’re not the same, because I was in a committed relationship. I already admitted to my feelings. I know and accepted who I am, have you? You skirt in this vague relationship too afraid to admit to what you really feel but too stubborn to admit it even to yourself. Even now, you still refer to your relationship as something, to fucking chicken to call it what is is. You hide behind your physical arrangement.”  
  
When Jihoon remained silent, Seungcheol continued.  
  
“But I can see it progress, Ji. You tell yourself that it’s just sex, but I can see that it’s more than that. Your action speaks louder than words, and even your words says what you can’t admit to yourself. You even made Soonyoung believe that, but now you’re also making him hope.”  
  
“I know that. I fucking know that. But I can’t lose him.” Jihoon said. His back was still turned on Seungcheol. He grabbed his computer mouse to continue working but he couldn’t control his shaking. He didn’t know if it was out of anger or fear.  
  
“Then stop this.” Seungcheol insisted.  
  
“I can’t! You don’t understand!” Jihoon moved to face Seungcheol.  
  
“Jihoon, if you—“  
  
“I can’t because I’m fucking in love with him! Okay? I know I’m an asshole for being this way to Soonyoung. But I admit it okay? I love him and it fucking scares me but I can’t help myself. It’s too late. I can’t lose him. I rather lose everything else, than him.” Jihoon cried. He was shaking all over, desperate to make Seungcheol understand the depth of his feelings for Soonyoung.  
  
“So, you’d rather that he loses his dreams? Think about it, Ji. Soonyoung is goal oriented, and he worked hard for it. Don’t get in the way of that. If it’s true that you love him, then let him go.”  
  
Jihoon kept quiet. He watched as Seungcheol leave. He knew Seungcheol was right. Even before they debuted, Soonyoung was always vocal about his dreams of debuting, maybe release a solo album, and just being a good artist, and all of that was for his family. He worked hard for everything that he has now, and still working hard for the things that he wants to achieve, and the list was still long. Jihoon didn’t want to get in the way of that. But he also didn’t wan to lose Soonyoung, but whichever one he choses, he felt that he’d still be losing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	28. Jeonghan's Regret

Jeonghan heard everything. He was supposed to head home that day but wanted to say good bye to Soonyoung and their vocal team leader. He also wanted to check on Soonyoung since the last time they talked was when Jihoon left them in Japan. But clearly during the tour something’s chaged, and Jeonghan wanted to make sure that Soonyoung knows how to deal with that.  
  
That’s why he decided to drop by the company. He didn’t mean to eavesdrop on their conversation, and was about to walk away when he heard Seungcheol say his name. The things that Seungcheol said gave him a sense of relief that everything he knew before was not a lie, but it also made him tremble in anger that Seungcheol made the decision for him.  
  
He went to the rooftop still in anger. He wanted to punch Seungcheol for making a decision without asking him, a decision that shattered him to pieces.

**Jeonghan to Seungcheol**

****

Jeonghan was sitting on the ledge of their rooftop when Seungcheol arrived. Seungcheol warily walked to the other boy, who was staring at the night’s view before him.  
  
“Ha— Jeonghan?”  
  
“Until when were you going to keep it from me?” Jeonghan asked. Seungcheol could see Jeonghan tremble, and he wanted to go closer to the boy, but his accusing tone kept him from moving further.  
  
“I don’t—“  
  
“Don’t lie to me! I think I deserve the truth after all these years of you fucking making me believe that I’m unwanted, making me feel that I don’t fucking deserve to be loved!” Jeonghan turned to look at Seungcheol. Seungcheol took a step back, scared of what he could see in Jeonghan’s eyes. He didn’t know that Jeonghan could look at him with so much disdain, it scared him. Maybe he already passed the point of no return with Jeonghan, and tonight he will truly lose him, completely cutting the delicate string that bound them before despite the separation. This is it. The point where their relationship goes beyond repair.  
  
“Hannie..”  
  
“You should have told me!” Jeonghan spat.  
  
“I’m sorry. Please.. it wouldn’t have change anything.” Seungcheol whispered.  
  
“Yes it would. I won’t be angry as much as I am right now. Contrary to what you think, for the past years, I didn’t hate you. I just couldn’t bear to look at you without feeling that my heart is breaking. I couldn’t be friends with you because it hurts, to be near you and I can’t.. but now..”  
  
“Jeonghan—“ Seungcheol tried to come closer but stopped when he heard Jeonghan’s next words.

  
“I hate you.” Jeonghan said. Seungcheol gasp. He didn’t know those three words would feel like a thousand knife repeatedly pricking his heart. Seungcheol’s chin trembled as he tried to control the sobs that wrecked his body. “I hate you so much for taking away my choice. I hate you for fucking making a decision for me.”  
  
“Jeonghan, I only want what’s best for—“  
  
“For the team? For us? For me? Don’t do me any favors, Choi Seungcheol. You did it for yourself.”  
  
“No, I did it for you—“ Seungcheol said but Jeonghan interrupted him.  
  
“I never asked you to. I never asked you to make a decision for me! All I ever wanted was to be with you, the rest is just white noise. Losing this dream, wouldn’t have hurt as much as it did the day you pushed me out of your life in just a snap.” Jeonghan cried.  
  
“I’m sorry. Please, Jeonghan.”  
  
“Please what? Forgive you? Be friends again? Don’t hate you? Why don’t you decide for me then since you’re good at exactly doing that”  
  
Jeonghan started walking away. He was by the door when he stopped to face Seungcheol:  
  
“I would have thrown away everthing for you or I would have stayed even if just to be friends. It wouldn’t have a mattered as long as you were there. Lovers? Friends? It doesn’t matter. I would have done and braved anything, just to be with you. But you decided to take the easy way out. Good bye, Cheol.”  
  
Jeonghan then shut the door behind him, and just like that Seungcheol was left alone, but this time he was left in an existence devoid of any hope of some sort of reconciliation with the one person who matters most to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	29. A Change of Heart

Soonyoung could feel it. He just didn’t know if he was being sensitive to the changes or not. After their talk in the hotel room, just after the last leg of their tour, Soonyoung felt that something had change. Jihoon went from being overly sweet to something else, he can’t quite identify. He felt cold and worlds away.

He didn’t know if it was a push and pull kind of thing. Jihoon’s treatment of Soonyoung, after the tour did a 180 degree turn. It was completely opposite to how Jihoon treated him. Soonyoung didn’t know if he was just being sensitive.

It was like Jihoon just lost interest in him all of a sudden.He felt like maybe it was because he still wouldn’t have sex with the boy or he just deluded himself to thinking that maybe Jihoon felt the same way. Maybe, he thought, he was a fool to allow himself to have expectations when Jihoon clearly told him not to, but he also told him that everything was not fan service, and Soonyoung was the fool who believed him. He didn’t know what to think.

What hurt Soonyoung the most was the fact that Jihoon even seemed to have forgotten that they’re friends. The studio used to be a second home to him, since he was always with Jihoon just to accompany him while he worked.But these days, Soonyoung could feel the coldness, the annoyance when he unexpectedly pops in. He felt out of place. He could feel that he was unwelcome in the room, as he was in Jihoon’s presence.

But he couldn’t just let go of Jihoon just like that, so Soonyoung tried his best to reach out and everytime he does Jihoon seemed to be getting further away from him.

**Soonyoung to Jihoon**

****

****

Soonyoung, as always, knew that Jihoon usually sleeps in when he stays at the studio. So, he entered the lock code to the studio, which Jihoon gave to the leader line years ago, but to his surprised it didn’t work. He entered it for the second time with the same results. He was about to enter it a third time when a newly woken up Daniel opened the door.

“Daniel?” Soonyoung was surprised that Jihoon let another person other than him spend the night at the studio.

“Sorry Soons, can you come back later? Jihoon’s still sleeping.” Daniel said while he rubbed his eyes still groggy. His hair was in a mess, clothes a bit rumpled, and he clearly just woke up. The studio was dark so Soonyoung couldn’t really see where Jihoon was. Soonyoung ignored Daniel and was about to walk in when he heard Jihoon talk.

“Dan, shut the fucking door.” His voice coming from the couch. Daniel shrugged and was about to shut the door but Soonyoung stopped him.

“Ji?” Soonyoung asked. He didn’t even know why he was hesitating when he used to barge in the room before anytime he liked.

Jihoon raised his head and irritatedly glared at Soonyoung for a bit before covering himself with the quilt, totally ignoring Soonyoung.

Soonyoung turned crimson from embarrassment. He noddedto Daniel and walked away. He found himself walking away from their company building, wanting to be as far as possible from Jihoon.

Soonyoung woke up the next day with a text message from Jihoon. He ignored it and went to the kitchen to cook ramen but changed his mind and responded to the text message.

**Jihoon to Soonyoung**

****

****

Soonyoung threw his phone on the kitchen table after reading Jihoon’s text. He wanted to respond but he thought it was useless when Jihoon always wins the argument anyways. He then sat beside Wonwoo on the couch who was playing some game on the playstation.

“What game is that?” Soonyoung asked and moved closer to Wonwoo.

“It’s called Battlefield.” Wonwoo answered eyes still on the monitor. Soonyoung rested his head on Wonwoo’s shoulder and watched as his friend played the game. He watched as Wonwoo rained bullets on his opponents and was totally winning. Soonyoung moved a bit which distracted Wonwoo immediately killing him in the game.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to be a bother.” Soonyoung said. “Sorry.” Soonyoung said and moved to get up from the couch but Wonwoo stopped him. He noticed that Soonyoung couldn’t even raise his head. He could feel Soonyoung being cautious towards him. Wonwoo was startled when he noticed that Soonyoung was close to tears, so he put his arms around his friend.

“You want to tell me what’s wrong?” Wonwoo asked while Soonyoung just shook his head. “Is Jihoon—“

“No, I’m just exhausted.”

Wonwoo turned off his game and the television. He knew his friend was sad, he just didn’t know why. He sigh and totally wanted to confront Jihoon but he knew it wasn’t his business. He could only comfort him.

“Come on, lunch is on me.” Wonwoo pulled Soonyoung up who reluctantly agreed to go. Wonwoo brought him to a samgyeopsal place and the atmosphere between them was so relaxed, that it made Soonyoung wished it was that way with Jihoon. He missed the overly sweet Jihoon, but what he missed the most was his friend.

“Do you still have a lot to do?” Wonwoo asked breaking Soonyoung’s train of thoughts. “I mean the tour just ended, and it going to be comeback season.”

“Well, Jihoon’s busy at the moment so I hadn’t had the chance to listen to some of the tracks that he’s working on.” Soonyoung said while moving around the rice on his bowl.

Wonwoo took a meat from the grill and made a lettuce wrap.

“Here.”

“What did you put in it?” Soonyoung asked totally wary of Wonwoo since he usually joked around with him a lot. Wonwoo laughed and flicked Soonyoung’s forehead.

“It’s just meat and kimchi. Now, eat.”

Soonyoung took the wrap from Wonwoo and ate it. Wonwoo then proceeded to make another one.

“Do you want to go with me?”

“Where are we going?” Soonyoung asked as Wonwoo gave him another wrap.

“Somewhere near? Just to unwind. You need to get away from Jihoon.” Wonwoo said which surprised Soonyoung, he tried his best to keep his feeling for Jihoon buried, but he guessed he wasn’t succeeding.

“I’m sorry Wonwoo but I promise this won’t affect the team. We’re also very careful and we’ll stop if the team thinks—“

“Look Soons,” Wonwoo interrupted, “whatever is happening between you and Jihoon is your business. You don’t always have to put the team first you know. I love you, you’re one of my best friends, and I will support whatever you have with Jihoon, but not this one. It’s not because of the team, but because I think Jihoon needs to treat you better.”

Wonwoo said. He saw how Jihoon had been treating Soonyoung. He saw how Soonyoung looks deflated and exhausted everytime he tries to spend time with Jihoon at the studio only to be rejected countless of times. He saw the half smiles and teary eyes that Soonyoung tries to hide every time Jihoon does not reply to a text. Wonwoo wanted to take Soonyoung away from Jihoon, but he knew that Soonyoung’s feelings run deeper than what they let on.

Soonyoung was shocked that Wonwoo noticed. When Soonyoung did not answer, Wonwoo continued:

“Soons, I think this kind of relationship with Jihoon is unhealthy, especially since your feelings are deeper than what you actually say. I’m worried for you.”

Wonwoo said and handed another samgyeopsal wrap to Soonyoung who took it but also grabbed on to Wonwoo’s hands.

“Please don’t tell anyone.” Soonyoung pleaded.

“Your secret is safe with me. But I can’t watch you suffering over and over again. Jihoon is my friend but I don’t like the way he’s been treating you.”

“Thank you.” Soonyoung sigh in relief. “I don’t know what happened. It was him who acted all sweet and clingy. He was the one who broke all the rules. Now, he thinks every time I text him that I’m demanding something beyond our arrangement when all I want is for him to treat me with some kind of respect. I just want my friend back. Maybe you’re right, maybe I need to stay away from Jihoon for a while. Yeah, okay. Let’s go on that vacation.” Soonyoung decided. He told himself he wasn’t running away. He was just taking a step back from Jihoon who was currently driving his heart into madness.

“Okay, let’s go this weekend?”

“Yes, let me just tie up some loose ends, okay?” Soonyoung said, with all his responsibilities, he couldn’t just pack up and leave.

“Okay.”

**Wonwoo's Post**

**Seokmin's Post**

**Joshua's Post**

**Mingyu's Post**

**Seungcheol's Post**

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	30. A Jealous Heart

Jihoon was not feeling well, so he was trying to rest for a bit as he stared at Wonwoo’s post. It was a photo of Soonyoung and Wonwoo having a meal outside followed by a series of selca from different places. He also saw that at some point Seokmin joined Wonwoo. There were also several pictures of Soonyoung with the other members, just having a meal.

It seemed that Soonyoung went to have a meal with the rest of the members except him. It was good, Jihoon thought. It was what he wanted, to create a space between him and Soonyoung. But he found himself walking towards the practice room where he heard Soonyoung, Wonwoo, and the rest of the performance team laughing at something that Jun did. He slowly opened the door and found them playing spin the bottle. Wonwoo was leaning back on the wall while Soonyoung was beside him, laughing at Jun’s chicken dance choreography.

“Okay,” Chan said when the bottle landed on Wonwoo. “Truth or dare.”

“Dare.” Wonwoo confidently said and looked at Soonyoung who was giggling beside him.

“Would you ever date one of the members?” Chan asked and laughed. Minghao flicked Chan’s forehead.

“Idiot, Wonwoo said dare.” Minghao said. “Kiss the person that you’d probably consider dating.”

“Okay.” Wonwoo laughed. He casually pulled Soonyoungcloser to him and kissed him on the cheeks, while the rest of the performance team cheered. Soonyoung was surprised but joined in the laughters. But they all stopped when Jihoon suddenly walked with a cold expression on his face. He grabbed Soonyoung by the hand, making the other winced as Jihoon pulled him up.

“Ji— yah, it hurts—“

Wonwoo stood up at once and grabbed Jihoon’s hand that was gripping Soonyoung’s wrist.

“Ji, let go. You’re hurting him.” Wonwoo calmly said as he tried to stop Jihoon.

“Mind your own business, Jeon.” Jihoon snapped and tried to pull Soonyoung away who winced when Jihoon gripped his wrist tighter.

“I’m serious, Jihoon. Calm down. You’re hurting him.” Wonwoo said when he noticed Soonyoung wincing in pain. Jihoon immediately let go when he saw Soonyoung’s face. He shocked himself with what he did. He apologized and quickly walked away.

“Are you okay?” Wonwoo asked Soonyoung who was still shock with what transpired. They watched as Jihoon walked away and slammed the door behind him.

“I better go talk to him. He’s probably just frustrated over a track.” Soonyoung said trying to reassure his team who were just as shock as he was.

Jihoon angrily went to his studio and started slamming things around. He couldn’t believe what he just did, but he was so angry at Soonyoung for allowing Wonwoo to kiss him, for going to all those dinners without him, for just laughing without him. He was about to go back when Soonyoung entered the studio.

“Ji, what the fuck is your prob—“ But before Soonyoung could say anything more, Jihoon pushed him on the closed door and kissed him harshly.

“No, stop— I’m not doing this—“ Soonyoung tried to say but Jihoon invaded his mouth with his tongue.

“Jihoon, stop!” Soonyoung said again when Jihoon moved on to kissing his jaw and neck. Soonyoung tried to push Jihoon away, but the latter just forcefully moved closer. Jihoon harshly bit then suck on Soonyoung’s skin, making sure that each kiss will leave a mark on Soonyoung. But when Jihoon tried to hitch up Soonyoung’s shirt, the latter squirmed harder until he successfully pushed Jihoon off him.

“I’m not some fucking toy, Jihoon! You act all cold on me then fucking come to me when you’re horny or frustrated or whatever.” Soonyoung yelled. He was shaking in anger that Jihoon would not even try to talk to him. 

Jihoon was shocked with what he just did. He wanted to reach out to Soonyoung when he saw that the latter was trembling and crying, but when he moved Soonyoung took a step back away from him.

“I— I’m sorry.” 

“No, you’re not. We’ve been going through this cycle from the beginning. It’s exhausting!” Soonyoung cried. 

“Do— Do you want to stop then?” Jihoon asked. Jihoon held his breath. Even though he wanted some space between him and Soonyoung, he was actually scared that it might really happen. Every logical part of his body was telling him to let go, and just end everything at once, rip it like a bandaid to keep it from causing more pain. But he couldn’t, because his heart would not allow him to.

“I— I don’t know.”

“Then what is that you want from me?” Jihoon was already losing patience. He didn’t know why he went to Soonyoung. He just wanted to take Soonyoung away from Wonwoo. He just wanted to bury himself in Soonyoung’s chest and just stay there for the rest of his life. He missed him so much.

“I don’t know! You were the one who came to me remember?! I was—“

“You were flirting with Wonwoo when I came in! Were you trying to make me jealous?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Soonyoung asked. Soonyoung laughed in disbelief in the way that Jihoon was acting at the moment.

“You were pestering me so much last week and you totally ignore me this week!” Jihoon yelled. He knew he wasn’t being rational and fair, but he didn’t care.

“Ji, you ignored me the whole time. What’s happening? I’m confuse.” Soonyoung said as he watched Jihoon angrily paced around the room.

“I don’t know what you want from me! Now I’m here and you’re mad!”

“Why are you the one who’s mad? I just want— I just— I just want you to treat me like I’m not just some fucking toy that you’ll remember every time you want something, and ignore for the rest of the time. I know we’re not in a relationship, but I wished you’d treat me with a little bit of respect.” Soonyoung explained. His anger subsiding a little bit when he saw just how agitated Jihoon was.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been busy. I can’t text you twenty four seven.” Jihoon said and Soonyoung’s heart broke when he saw the boy’s chin quiver, trying hard not to cry.

“I’m not asking you to! I just want you to remember Jihoon, that before all these mess, we used to be friends, because I can’t feel that anymore. I’m already at my limit.” Soonyoung said.

“I’ll try okay? I’ll try harder. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m just so fucking exhausted. I’m so sorry.” Jihoon took a sit on the couch too exhausted and sick to continue arguing with Soonyoung. It was only then that Soonyoung noticed how pale and gaunt Jihoon looked. So, walked closer and felt Jihoon’s forehead.

“Yah, you’re burning up!” Soonyoung yelled. “Lee Jihoon, you have a fever! You should have told me!”

Soonyoung tried to make Jihoon lie down on the couch, but the other was refusing.

“Stay here while I grab you medicine okay? Have you eaten? You should have called me earlier!” Soonyoung yelled at his friend, his anger already forgotten and turned into worry.

“I’m sorry.” Jihoon said as he allowed Soonyoung to push him on the couch to lie down.

“It’s okay. Rest for a bit. I’ll get you food and medicine.” Soonyoung brushed Jihoon’s hair and then moved away but Jihoon stopped him.

“No, stay. Please.” Jihoon begged as he cling on Soonyoung’s hand.

“I’m just going to buy food and medicine, okay? I’ll be right back. I’ll be quick, okay? You rest a bit, Jihoonie. I’ll be back.” Soonyoung made sure that quilt covered Jihoon. He hesitantly kissed Jihoon on the forehead before leaving to buy the things they’d need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	31. First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just an additional reminder. This chapter is 🔞🔞🔞

Jihoon woke up in the middle of the night feeling a whole lot better. Soonyoung had been staying with him and taking care of him in the studio for three days already and his fever is almost gone. He smiled when he felt Soonyoung beside him. He pulled the other boy closer and embraced him tighter.

“How am I supposed to let you go?” Jihoon whispered as snuggled closer to Soonyoung’s chest. Jihoon then looked up and softly brushed a thumb on Soonyoung’s cheeks, which he love so much.

"I’m sorry for hurting you, but I have to. Seungcheol Hyung’s right. We have to stop this. We have to stop because we have already went beyond this arrangement. I’m in love with you, Soonyoung and I don’t know if I can stop. But I want what’s best for you, only the best for you—“ Jihoon stopped talking when he felt Soonyoung stirring.

“Jihoonie? Are you awake?” Soonyoung asked. “I think you’re talking in your sleep, Jihoonie?”

“I woke up. Sorry.” Jihoon answered.

“Oh, go back to sleep. I can go if you want.” Soonyoung said. They were both better after the three days but he could still feel a wall between them. He moved to get up but Jihoon stopped him. Jihoon moved to hover over Soonyoung placing a knee in between Soonyoung’s leg and brushing his groin,

“You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re sick!” Soonyoung exclaimed when he noticed Jihoon eyeing him lustfully. Jihoon wanted be closer to Soonyoung, and hugs and kisses were no longer enough for him. It was more of a need, than want and it was consuming him entirely. Jihoon pouted which made Soonyoung laugh. Soonyoung felt Jihoon’s hand tightly holding his hips and the pad of his thumb tracing circles on the exposed skin between his shirt and pants.

“Ji, I want to talk though. I think we should talk.” Soonyoung sigh when he realized he just couldn’t deny Jihoon anything, especially when the boy was being clingy. Soonyoung sigh when he felt Jihoon started kissing his jaw. He tilted his head to give Jihoon more access to his neck.

“Pro-- promise me," Soonyoung said already lost in the pleasure with each kittenish lick that Jihoon leaves on his neck, "we’ll talk. You can’t ignore me, and you’ll talk to me.”

Jihoon smiled and nodded.

“Fine, I’m yours you horny brat!” Soonyoung laughed but immediately moaned when Jihoon started palming him manhood.

“Okay, calm down— aahh— Ji, what’s the rush?” Soonyoung asked he felt Jihoon leave kisses all over his jaw and neck while his hand travelled to the inside of Soonyoung’s pants.

“Soons, I want to be inside you.” Jihoon said while he stroked Soonyoung into hardness. Soonyoung was becoming a moaning mess when Jihoon expertly thumbed the slit of his dick. He was already leaking precum and Jihoon used it to make his strokes smoother. 

“Wha--what? " Soonyoung didn't know if he heard the other boy right. "Ji, you’re sick. Let me take care of you. Maybe— ahh.. Jihoon—“

Soonyoung moaned again when Jihoon thumbed the tip of his manhood again, and started moving his thumb in circular motion. “Jihoon—“

“I want to be inside you.” Jihoon repeated.

“O- okay.” Soonyoung shivered, no longer having any self control and energy to deny what Jihoon wanted.

Soonyoung felt Jihoon paused for a bit and took off Soonyoung’s shirt and bottoms, leaving him naked on the couch. Soonyoung was about to protest again when he felt Jihoon’s mouth on his. He was expecting everything to be hot as it always was but for some reason Jihoon moved slowly and his kisses were soft and gentle. Jihoon took Soonyoung bottom lips in between his and softly sucked making the other gasp. He then gently thrust his tongue into Soonyoung’s mouth, softly tasting him, making the other relaxed into the softness of everything. Then Jihoon moved to kissing his neck and chest, leaving open mouthed kisses everywhere, until he reach Soonyoung’s inner thighs.

_I love you. I love you. I love you._ Jihoon thought with each kiss that he left on Soonyoung's body.

“Shit— Ji— I miss you.” Jihoon smiled at the declaration and proceed to lick a stripe from Soonyoung’s balls to his tip, making the boy shudder. He then left kitten licks all over Soonyoung’s length, while the latter clenched his hands not really knowing where to hold on to. When Jihoon noticed, he grabbed Soonyoung’s hands and place them on his hair.

“Tha— Thank you.” Soonyoung moaned as he tugged on Jihoon’s hair. Jihoon then proceeded to spread Soonyoung wider and took his length deeper into his mouth. Soonyoung let out a loud moan when he felt his dick hit Jihoon's throat, and the latter humming caused soft vibrations making him arch his back in pleasure. Jihoon then released Soonyoung cock with a pop making the other boy moan from the lack of contact. He then diverted his attention to coating his finger with lube, but licked and thrust his tongue into Soonyoung’s crease before thrusting in a finger.

“Ji— ah, please say something.” Soonyoung panted from the sensation of being pleasured by Jihoon’s tongue on his front and fingers at the back.

“hmmm.”

“Ji, say something, please. I don’t feel good. I feel like I’m being.. please..” Soonyoung teared up a little. Everything felt great, like being adored, but he could still feel the wall between them, it was sending lots of unwanted thoughts and it was making him feel used. Jihoon stopped his ministrations when he heard Soonyoung whimpered and saw tears invading his cheeks. He knew what was bothering Soonyoung. He quickly moved to kiss Soonyoung putting as much love as he could into the kiss.

“I’m sorry. I don’t— Well— you’re driving me crazy Soons. We can stop if you want.” Jihoon offered but nuzzled into Soonyoung’s face tasting his sweat and tears. He wished he could tell Soonyoung just how much he means to him, but he stopped himself. Instead, put every bit of love he has on his kisses and touches.

“I’m okay. I’m just overwhelmed and nervous.” Soonyoung said.

“Let’s stop—“

“No! I— I want to. I want you inside me.”

“Okay, say it again.” Jihoon said.

“I want you inside me.”

“Just making sure.” Jihoon smiled, shocking Soonyoung when he thrust two fingers into Soonyoung without any warning. Soonyoung frowned from the sudden invasion but Jihoon kissed the frown away. Jihoon then proceeded to stretch out Soonyoung who was panting and sweating hard when he felt Jihoon’s third finger inside him. Jihoon continued leaving tiny kisses on Soonyoung neck and chest to distract him from the sting. After a while, Jihoon noticed Soonyoung start to relax. His manhood twitched when he saw Soonyoung moved his hips against Jihoon’s finger. He moaned watching his fingers disappear in Soonyoung's hole, as the latter fucked himself with Jihoon's fingers. Soonyoung arched his back,and let his head fall on the bed, while biting his lips in pleasure, panting and moaning loudly when Jihoon hit his prostate.

"Ahhh.. there..." Soonyoung moaned. "Ji, nggg... fuck.. har-- harder..."

“Shit babe, you’re a feast to look at. You’re so hot it’s making my blood boil with want.” Jihoon whispered on Soonyoung’s ear as he left a kiss on the sensitive part. He couldn’t stop looking at Soonyoung’s expression every time his fingers hit Soonyoung’s sensitive area Jihoon couldn’t help himself and thrust his finger harsher.

“Ji, I think I’m— stop— I’m-- shit!" Soonyoung tried to stroke his cock but Jihoon grabbed his hands quickly with his free hand. He harshly thrust his fingers on Soonyoung's ass, repeatedly aiming on Soonyoung's pleasure spot.

"Ji, touch my fucking dick!" Soonyoung begged but Jihoon didn't listen. Soonyoung trembled into his orgasm and Jihoon felt Soonyoung’s cum in between their stomach. He smiled when he realized he just made Soonyoung cum untouched and with just his fingers.

“It’s not enough.” Soonyoung moaned. He just came but he was still hard. “I want you inside now. Please. Ji, I swear if you don't fuck--” 

Soonyoung whined when he felt Jihoon removed his fingers.

“Do you want to flip?” Jihoon asked as he removed his clothes and underwear.

“No, I want to see you.”

“Okay, babe.” Jihoon positioned himself in front of Soonyoung. Soonyoung cursed when he saw Jihoon jerking himself off before putting on a condom. He then proceeded to coating himself with lube before lining himself up in front of Soonyoung and slowly and bit by bit, pushed himself into him until he bottom out. Soonyoung sigh at the feeling of being full. He could feel Jihoon's dick perfectly sheathed by his ass.

“Are you okay?” Jihoon asked, concerned masking his face when he saw Soonyoung’s labored breathing. “Try to relax.”

Soonyoung tried concentrating on controlling his breathing and to relax. When the sting was almost gone, he asked Jihoon to move. 

“Ji, you can move.” 

“O- Okay.” Jihoon answered. Jihoon moved slowly and nervously, as they both entered a new phase into their physical relationship. Jihoon stared at Soonyoung below him, mouth slightly opened, a bit of sweat on his forehead, and eyes closed, back arched as Jihoon hit him in all the right places. He could feel Jihoon's dick glide through the walls of his ass and it made him even harder, but it wasn't enough. So, Soonyoung move his ass up, meeting Jihoon's every thrust.

“Ji, harder— ahh— shit— there!” Soonyoung moaned. "Shit! Harder!"

“You feel so good babe.” Jihoon whispered as he continued to thrust into Soonyoung. Jihoon wrapped a hand around Soonyoung’s manhood and stroked him in time with his thrust, making the other's eyes roll from the blinding pleasure of having his prostate stimulated over and over again while Jihoon's hand took care of his dick. Soonyoung came first, trembling through his orgasm as he released his load on his stomach and Jihoon's hand. Jihoon thought he look so beautiful and hot that it also pushed him to the edge. He was panting when he came down from the high of his orgasm. 

Their eyes met, and all Jihoon that Jihoon could see in Soonyoung’s eyes, was love. It was something new and the feeling of being overwhelmed with love scared Jihoon. His feelings for Soonyoung was getting scary.

That was the first time that Soonyoung did it with Jihoon, and the last time; because when Soonyoung woke up the next day, Jihoon was already gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	32. Alone

Soonyoung woke up naked, cold, alone and with an aching back. He tried move but it hurt a little. He looked around the studio and everything felt familiar, but the place also felt cold.

**Soonyoung to Jihoon**

****

Soonyoung slowly dressed up. He washed his face in the private bathroom before walking out of the room. He was still physically in pain, but it was bearable compared to what he was feeling inside. He found himself taking a cab home and walking straight to Wonwoo’s dorm. He found the boy sleeping on his bed which was located in the living room, since he and his roommate wanted space for their computers. Soonyoung went under the covers and buried his face in Wonwoo’s back.

“Soons?” Wonwoo was surprised when hw felt someone nuzzling his back. He immediately panicked when he realized that it was Soonyoung and he was crying. He pulled the boy closer and held him tighter. “It’s okay. I’m here. It’s going to be okay.”

Wonwoo was rubbing Soonyoung’s back who was sobbing uncontrollably when Jihoon walked out of his room. Jihoon gave both of them an irritated glance and walked out of the dorm.

“I’m going to fucking kill him.” Wonwoo said which only made Soonyoung sob harder.

“Shhh. It’s will be okay. Let it all out. This is a safe space.” Wonwoo whispered.

After Soonyoung’s crying fit, they spent the day lounging around the apartment. The next few days were the same, Soonyoung found himself always walking towards Wonwoo’s dorm and spending the night just playing games or stuffing themselves with food.

It was a week later that Jihoon finally sent Soonyoung a message.

**Jihoon / Sooyoung**

****

**Jihoon / Soonyoung**

**  
**

**Jihoon / Soonyoung**

**Jihoon / Soonyoung**

****

Jihoon apologized sweetly again, bringing Soonyoung a piece of cupcake as peace offering, and Soonyoung was okay again. But when Soonyoung woke up, Jihoon was gone again. It was like a never ending cycle waking up alone and feeling sorry for himself. Soonyoung could no longer bear it. He was sobbing and hugging himself when Wonwoo found him in his room.

**Jihoon / Soonyoung**

Soonyoung went to the studio, as requested to listen to the tracks. He found himself surrounded by Jihoon’s friends, whom he failed to mentioned were in the studio with him. Daniel and Chanyeol were also present. Soonyoung found himself at the corner just silently listening to their conversation. He wanted to say something but every time he tried, someone would interrupt him. Jihoon, on the other hand, was ignoring him the whole time. Soonyoung watched as Jihoon joked around his friends completely ignoring him.

“What do you think?” Jihoon finally addressed him. He felt conscious when all eyes look at him with serious expectations, except for Bumzu who laughed at the expression of the others.

“Are you okay, Hosh?” Bumzu asked genuinely worried.

“I’m sorry. I guess my mind was elsewhere.” Soonyoung said. “I was just wondering where Vernon and Scoups Hyung are since we’re checking tracks.”

“I didn’t text them. Just tell me what you think.” Jihoon snapped.

“I like tracks 3 and 4, beat wise but I’m having second thoughts lyrics wise and the overall concept of the songs.” Soonyoung answered. He didn’t want to argue with Jihoon in front of others, so he tucked the question away.

“Why? They’re good though. It’s a new thing for sebong.” Daniel provided to Soonyoung’s irritation.

“Soonyoung’s just being a brat because he likes to have control over everything.” Jihoon said while the others laughed.

“You guys definitely need something new. I’ve been observing your releases. It’s all the same. Even your choreo seems lacking.” Daniel insisted.

“I know it’s a new thing. But we tried this type of beat before, and I drafted a whole choreo for that only to be tossed away by the CEO.” Soonyoung said. “Besides, we just came from a dark and mature concept. It’s time to shake things up like we always do.”

“But don’t you—“ Daniel was about to say something more but Soonyoung interrupted him. This was their group’s song, and Soonyoung didn’t appreciate it that Jihoon made him look like he didn’t like the songs because he was just being a brat, and not for legitimate reasons.

“I’m sorry Daniel-ssi. But this is our song, for our group. I don’t think your opinion matters much right now. Plus, don’t talk to me like I’m a fucking child. Because the last time I check I’m your sunbae. Sebongs are your sunbae and you’re being rude. Just because you’re Jihoon’s friend does not give you the right to fucking speak to me that way.” Soonyoung snapped. He couldn’t take it anymore. They were discussing songs for their group with people other than the members themselves. He also couldn’t take Daniel’s attitude, especially towards his group.

“Soonyoung—“

“No, Ji. I know they’re your friends, and I know how you fucking value them. But this is a group song and I rather that we discuss it with the members.” Soonyoung said addressing Jihoon directly who stood up and drag him outside the studio door, away from his friends.

“Don’t be fucking rude! They’re actually good producers. They’re just to help!” Jihoon snapped at Soonyoung. “Just because he said your choreo is crap—“

“That’s not it and you fucking know it. I know how to take criticisms, especially from the members. But he wasn’t criticizing me, he was taking a blow at out hard work! Our members hard work!” Soonyoung yelled back. He couldn’t believe Jihoon was letting other people talk about their hard work that way.

“I’m not being rude. I’m just trying to knock some sense into you that this is not the way that we do things. This is a group decision and a song for seventeen. Even if they’re just drafts! Vernon or Scoups hyung should be here with me! Not them! I don’t know who the fuck you are anymore. Text me if you finally have your senses back.” Soonyoung said as he walked away. He was shaking in anger.

“Yeah, walk away! You’re good at that!” Jihoon yelled which made Soonyoung stop and turn around.

He looked at Jihoon and said:

“But you’re the expert. I didn’t realized until now, how you mastered the art of walking away. Bye.”

Soonyoung walked away and forced himself not to look back. He didn’t know what’s going on with Jihoon anymore.

But when his anger dissipated, he knew he couldn’t just let things with Jihoon stay as they were. He also needed to say his anger and frustrations with Jihoon out loud.

**Soonyoung to Jihoon**

****

**Soonyoung to Jihoon**

Soonyoung’s exhausted. He just wants to take a step back from Jihoon and rest for a bit. His heart could no longer take the beating he had been getting from Jihoon. Soonyoung could feel everything slipping away, even their friendship was in tatters.

**Jihoon to Soonyoung**

****

For the next few days, Jihoon tried to talk to Soonyoung but Soonyoung surrounded himself with the team that usually helped him with the choreography. He busied himself with new things, going out with the rest of the members and just staying away from the toxicity that Jihoon brings into his life. He loves the boy, but Soonyoung had had enough.

Soonyoung was joking around with Chan when Jihoon grabbed him and pulled him out the door.

“What?!”

“Let’s talk.” Jihoon said.

“I’m busy right now.” Soonyoung moved to walk away, but Jihoon stopped him.

“Just drop by later, okay?” Jihoon asked. Soonyoung sigh and nodded.

When Soonyoung dropped by later that day, Jihoon was surrounded by friends. They look so happy and he didn’t want to disturb them. He watched Jihoon laughing around his friends, with no trace of pressure or stress on his face. So, he turned his back and started walking away.

**Soonyoung to Jihoon**

****

Soonyoung knew that Jihoon was busy, but he still went since he was leaving with Wonwoo. He also wanted to explain that he wasn’t breaking things off with him, he just needed a bit of rest from the emotional turmoil. He just need space to think and rest from Jihoon.

He was walking towards the studio when he noticed that the door was slightly ajar. He was about to push the door open when he heard his name mentioned.

“Soonyoung is coming here? Again? I thought we’re supposed to work on the collab?” Daniel asked. He sounded irritated. Soonyoung waited for Jihoon to defend him but what Jihoon said shocked him.

“Sorry, it’s not going to take long. I’ll make it quick.” Jihoon must have done something because they all laughed.

“Dude, I think your friend is so gay for you. You should just fuck him, maybe he’ll chill.” Seunghun, a friend of Jihoon, said.

Soonyoung expected Jihoon to get angry or say something to defend him but the other just kept quiet.

“Maybe Jihoon wants to fuck him.” Seunghun said suggestively and made lucid sounds. “Aw Jihoonie, harder. Fuck me Jihooniee, Jihooniee I’m cumming!”

The rest of the people in the room joined in the laughter. Soonyoung was shaking jn anger, but he grew even angrier when he heard Jihoon joined in their laughter. It shattered Soonyoung that Jihoon did not even try to stop them, and instead was joining his friends laugh at his expense.

“No way asshole.” Jihoon laughed.

“Oh come on you complain about him all the time. Just let him suck your dick and tell him to fuck off already.” Seunghun said while the rest of Jihoon’s friends laughed.

Soonyoung moved to the open door to reveal himself but he stopped and his breath hitched by the door when he heard Jihoon say:

“Yeah, maybe I will. He’s fucking annoying. Frankly, I can’t believe I was able to stand him for years.” Jihoon said and his stomach dropped when his eyes met Soonyoung’s. He watched as Soonyoung’s face revealed just how much pain those words caused him. His lips trembled and eyes filled with tears, he breathe once deeply before silently walking away.

It took Jihoon seconds to realized what just happened. It took him second to realized just what he did. It took him seconds to realized that he just lost the most important person in his life, all because he was stupid and was trying to hide the way he feels for Soonyoung from his friends. He scrambled to follow Soonyoung who was shaking as he walked away. He was already by the emergency stairs when Jihoon caught up. His hands shook when he reached out for Soonyoung.

“Let— let me go.” Soonyoung said as Jihoon held on to his arms, not wanting to let go. Jihoon knew that this was it, he crossed the line when he said those words, when he laughed at the jokes.

“Soon—“

“No, stop it Ji. I’m done, with whatever the fuck is this. I’m done with this friendship. I’m done with you!” Soonyoung yelled and Jihoon whimpered. Jihoon tried to reached out to Soonyoung, but the latter pushed him away.

“Please..” Jihoon quickly grabbed on to Soonyoung’s hands. He held on as tight as he could knowing that he couldn't let Soonyoung leave. He knew what he did was the point of no return. He knew if Soonyoung walked away from him right now, he'll be walking out of his life for good.

“No! I deserve a better treatment than this. We were supposed to be friends. You could have just talk to me if you didn’t feel the same way. You could have fucking talk to me, instead of talking about me behind my back to people that I don’t even fucking know. We were supposed to be friends before we were anythings. We were supposed to he on each other’s side. We were supposed to protect each other, not attack each other. We were supposed to have each other’s back. So yeah, I may be annoying, but at least I’m not a fucking asshole. You didn’t need to love me back Jihoon, you just needed to respect me as a friend.. no as a person. I deserve at least that.” Soonyoung said as he successfully removed Jihoon’s hands on his arms.

“Soon.. Please.. let me explain.” Jihoontried to hold on to Soonyoung but the latter pushed him away.

“No, Ji. I’m tired. I don’t think that we can save whatever this is, I think it’s better if we just stayed away from each other from now on.”

“Soons, please... No, please.. I’m sorry.. I’m sorry..” Jihoon cried as he rubbed his hands together for Soonyoung to forgive him. He didn’t know what possessed him to say those things and let his friends talk about Soonyoung that way.

“Let’s just treat each other civilly. I’ll stay out of your way, stay out of mine. Strictly business.” Soonyoung said.

“No, please... don’t leave me. Please, let me explain.” Jihoon begged. He knelt down on the ground and grabbed on to Soonyoung’s waist. He needed Soonyoung to forgive him. He was just being stupid and scared. Jihoon held on to Soonyoung tighter. He knew if he let go he’d lost him for good.

“Leave me alone and just stay away from me.” Soonyoungremoved Jihoon’s arms around him and walked away.

“Soons please wait, I love you. I love you.. I love you..” Jihoon repeatedly said, but Soonyoung was already long gone and he was left crying and alone on the stairwell.

**Jihoon to Soonyoung**

****

Jihoon tried calling Soonyoung again, but this time his phone of was out of reach. He wanted to explain everything, but he knew it will only make things complicated. He was so scared and still didn’t know what to do. He only knew one thing, he would do everything for Soonyoung, no matter what it is. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: I'm sorry. 😭😭😭
> 
> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	33. Seungcheol's Heartbreak

Seungcheol was at the company to check out the tracks that Jihoon made. It was supposed to be a meeting but somehow the other two leaders were missing. He knew Soonyoung was on vacation, while Jihoon's whereabouts is unknown. There wasn’t really a comeback plan at the moment since it was just after tour, but the preparation period was still as hectic as promotions period, especially for Jihoon and Soonyoung. It was a time spent making music, writing lyrics, singing demos, and making choreo drafts. They try to make as many as possible to present to the CEO.

But when he entered Jihoon’s studio, the boy was nowhere to be found. He looked around the company for a couple of minutes, when Wonwoo called him on the phone.

**Wonwoo / Seungcheol**

****

Seungcheol tried to call Jihoon but his phone was unattended. So, he called Jeonghan to tell him about Wownoo’s cryptic request. Jeonghan asked him to meet at the practice room. He went inside, and his heart broke when he saw Jeonghan sitting on the floor with Joshua’s head resting on his shoulders, sleeping. Jeonghan gestured for Seungcheol to be quiet.

“What? Can’t it wait till later?” Jeonghan whispered.

“Wonwoo asked me to go to the house he rented.” Seungcheol said.

“So?”

“He wants you to go with me.” Seungcheol said. Jeonghan softly tapped on Joshua to wake him up.

“Hey, sorry. I just need to talk to Seungcheol, okay?” Joshua smiled and nodded to Jeonghan. “Sleep some more?”

“I will. Hurry back.” Joshua whispered and lie down on the floor and went back to sleep.

When they were out of earshot, Jeonghan asked: “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

“I don’t know exactly. But Wonwoo wants me and you there.” Seungcheol looked at Jeonghan and asked himself why he ever let him go.

“Okay, it must be something serious if he wants us both there. But what about the kids?” Jeonghan asked worried about the other members that they were going to leave behind.

“Can Shua take charge?”

“Okay, let me talk to him first. Wait for me here.” Jeonghan asked.]

After a brief moment, Jeonghan came back. They went to the dorm to pack some stuff before driving to the vacation house that Wonwoo rented.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	34. Goodbye Love

Wonwoo took Soonyoung to a nearby vacation house. He rented it for a week, hoping he could invite the rest of the members later on. It had a pool of its own and a beach to walk on. But Soonyoung stayed in his bed the whole time they were there, just crying his heart out. When Wonwoo asked about it, Soonyoung would just shake his head and go back to crying. Soonyoung also didn’t eat. He’ll take a few bites and then apologize that he wasn’t hungry. Wonwoo tried everything to comfort his friend, but to no avail. His heart was breaking for his friend's pain. He wished he could make it go away. If he could, he would. 

On the third day, Wonwoo couldn’t take it anymore and texted Seungcheol and Jeonghan. He needed their hyungs since he already didn’t know what to do with Soonyoung. He was getting worried that Soonyoung seemed to be heading to a darker path. He thought that if he wasn't enough comfort for Soonyoung, then maybe their two oldest member would be.

Wonwoo went to Soonyoung's room and found the latter buried in his blanket. He opened the windows and pulled Soonyoung’s blanket away from him.

“Yah!” Soonyoung protested.

Wonwoo grabbed Soonyoung by the waist and carried him over his shoulders. 

“Jeon Wonwoo put me down!” Soonyoung protested more when he realized that Wonwoo was taking him to the bathroom. Wonwoo put him down in the shower and Soonyoung tried to get away, but Wonwoo enclosed him in his arms and turned on the shower, drenching both of them with cold water.

“Yah! Let go the water is freezing!” Soonyoung yelled but Wonwoo wouldn’t budge and just continued holding on.

“Let me go!” Soonyoung tried to push Wonwoo away one last time but the other won’t move.

“Wonwoo please! I can’t take it anymore! Let me sleep, please! It’s the only time I don’t feel like crap!” Soonyoung begged but Wonwoo just held on tighter. Soonyoung cried as Wonwoo enclosed him in his arms, but Wonwoo's arms around him, the water wasn't so cold anymore. He was still in pain, but suddenly the pieces stopped falling apart. For a few seconds, being in Wonwoo's arms helped stopped the broken pieces from falling. They stayed that way for several minutes, just Soonyoung seeking comfort from a friend.

When Soonyoung finally stopped crying, Wonwoo said:

“Soons, I know you're hurting, but you need to wake up from this moping around. This is not healthy anymore." Wonwoo said as he released Soonyoung from his hold. He caressed Soonyoung's face. "Finish showering and we’ll go out, okay? Dress up. I’ll wait for you in the living room. Seungcheol and Jeonghan hyung are on the way.”

“Why did you call them?” Soonyoung asked, eyes filled with worry.

“Because they’d know what to tell you." Wonwoo noticed Soonyoung's scared expression and went back to hug the latter. "It's okay. I'm here, but I just thought you'd prefer talking to Jeonghan hyung, so I called him. I'm sorry if I didn't ask you. I was worried."

"It's okay. Thank you." Soonyoung whispered and returned the hug.

"Finish showering okay?” Wonwoo released him but didn't walk away until Soonyoung nodded.

Wonwoo waited for Soonyoung in the kitchen. He planned on a day filled with exhausting activities. He was hoping to distract Soonyoung and maybe even exhaust him enough to sleep a dreamless one. When Soonyoung still hasn’t come out after a long time, he went back to the room only to find a newly showered Soonyoung in the bed, still wearing the robe from the bathroom.

“Yah! I told you we’re going out!” Wonwoo tried to pull Soonyoung out of bed but the latter wouldn’t budge. Wonwoo sigh and lie down in bed. He grabbed Soonyoung's shoulders and made the boy face him. “Is this about Jihoon?”

Soonyoung hesitated for a second before nodding. He couldn’t find it in him to tell Wonwoo just what happened. Despite the pain, he knew it wasn’t Jihoon. Soonyoung believed in his heart that it wasn’t the man he loved. He didn't want Wonwoo thinking of their friend as cruel. He didn't want how Wonwoo looks at Jihoon to change, so Soonyoung kept it to himself. He was hurt, but no matter how hurt he is, there's still that need to protect Jihoon. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Wonwoo asked. Soonyoung didn’t answer so Wonwoo continued: “What the fuck did Jihoon do that you’re—“

“Nothing! He did nothing." Soonyoung snapped but immediately regretted it. Wonwoo was just worried about him he told himself and he was snapping at him. "I'm sorry. Please, Wownoo, it was me. The fault is my own. The pain is my own. Jihoon did nothing.” Soonyoung pleaded. He quickly stood up and changed his clothes to make himself presentable.

“What are you doing?” Wonwoo asked, surprised. 

“You said we’re going out, so let’s go.” Soonyoung said as he put on some clothes. Wonwoo sigh at his friend’s action. He knew Soonyoung was just trying to divert his attention from the unanswered question.

“Soons, I know what you’re trying to do. It’s not going to help you—“

“It doesn’t matter. I’m okay.” Soonyoung grabbed a cap and gestured for Wonwoo to follow him.

They spent the rest of the day exploring the shops and restaurants in the area. After their exhausting sight seeing and window shopping, they spent the day at the beach, just watching seagulls fly around, and the wave as they hit the shore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: Sorry for the short update. 😭 Currently swamped with stuff to do. Update tomorrow will reveal what's really going on with Jihoon. 😂
> 
> For rants: @soonhaee OR
> 
> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	35. Jihoon's Real Fears

**FLASHBACK**

**Unknown number to Jihoon**

****

**Unknown number to Jihoon**

****

**Unknown number to Jihoon**

****

**Unknown number to Jihoon**

****

**Jihoon to unknown number**

****

_Jihoon cried himself to sleep that day. He was worried of what going to happen, but most importantly he was worried for Soonyoung. He felt sorry for putting him in this kind of risk, since he was the one who started everything.He felt guilty and scared. He decided right there and then that he’d rather take the fall for everything. His only prayer was to keep Soonyoung safe._

**Jihoon to Soonyoung (Jihoon's the one typing)**

**<https://watch.wave.video/5fd8083946e0fb0001fce0f3> **

**Jihoon to Soonyoung (Jihoon's the one typing)**

**<https://watch.wave.video/5fd8068d46e0fb00012b9067> **

**Jihoon to Soonyoung (Jihoon's the one typing)**

**<https://watch.wave.video/5fd8046146e0fb0001fcafdc> **

_When Soonyoung barged in the studio that day, he pretended to be irritated. A glimpse of Soonyoung made his heart ache even more. He wanted to run after Soonyoung when he saw Soonyoung’s hurt face. Instead, he covered himself with blanket, hoping that Daniel wouldn’t be able to hear as he tried to muffled his sobs._

_The next day he told himself, just one more day. He just needs one more day with Soonyoung and he’ll say good bye for good. So, he texted him, but he ended up being grumpy and mean in the text message when he realized that he was being careless again. So, he decided to be mean and irritated, when deep in heart he was saying completely the opposite._

**Soonyoung / Jihoon**

_Instead of “next time” text, Jihoon wanted to send: I had to change the code. He just stayed as a friend. I wanted you. Always you. Instead of “I didn’t notice,” Jihoon wanted to say: I read them all. I reread them a thousand times. I miss you so much._

_ Instead of “I didn’t say that,” Jihoon wanted to say: No, please. Don’t give up on me. I miss you so much. Hate me but don’t take away my chance to have even the slightest glimpse of you. I miss you so much. _

_Instead of “Do we have a problem?” Jihoon wanted to say: Please don’t leave me. Instead of “Yah, Kwon soonyoung!” Jihoon wanted to reply: I miss you so much, Jagiya._

_Instead of “You know what never mind” Jihoon wanted to say: Please don’t leave me. I miss you, I love you. But I’m so scared. It’s all my fault. I’m sorry._

_Instead of “Where are you?” Jihoon wanted to ask: Please can I see for even a second? Instead of “okay fine,” he wanted to say: I love you._

_Jihoon found Soonyoung in the practice room getting a kiss from Wonwoo. His eyesight went red with jealousy and grabbed Soonyoung before he could think about what he was doing. Soonyoung ended up staying with and taking care of him, and Jihoon never felt better despite the fever and body aches. He had Soonyoung with him, and everything else didn’t matter. They ended up doing it for real that time. He made sure that all of his kisses and touches were filled with love. He hoped in his heart that Soonyoung could feel it._

_But he woke up that morning with a new message. It was Soonyoung’s picture going being dragged by Jihoon into his studio._

**Message from the Unknown Number**

_It was a picture of Soonyoung leaning on his elbows on the bathroom counter, his face full of ecstasy, while his bottom half are completely naked, with Jihoon’s face buried in his ass, both hands spreading Soonyoung wide, but also covering Jihoon’s face._

_“I’m so sorry. I love you.” Jihoon whispered to the sleeping Soonyoung, before walking away._

_Jihoon knew he hurt Soonyoung that day, but he was too scared and guilty to respond to his messages. He was surprised when he walked out of his room and found Soonyoung in Wonwoo’s arms crying. He schooled his face into one of irritation before running to the emergency stairs where he tried to muffled his sobs. He wished he could be the one to comfort Soonyoung. He wished he wasn’t the reason for his tears._

_He spent the next week arguing with Soonyoung. Trying to keep him away from him. It was to keep him safe he told himself. But sometimes the longing gets ahead of him. He found himself driving two hours away to a bakeshop that Soonyoung likes, just to buy Soonyoung’s favorite cupcake. They made up that day. But like the other morning, he received another picture of Soonyoung in a compromising position and he left again._

_He told himself to be strong. He knew the culprit was someone close to them, he wished he finds out before it’s too late. He promised himself not to slip up again. If he love Soonyoung, then there was no other way but to stay away, no matter how it hurts. He needed to believe that Soonyoung does not matter to him, and he needed to convince everyone, even his friends, that Soonyoung was nothing to him. But when he saw Soonyoung’s pain, he couldn’t help but run after the boy and tried to explain and apologize._

**End of Flashback**

Jihoon had been staring at his phone for hours now. He received the message weeks ago after talking to Seungcheol. They thought they were careful, but they were wrong. At first he thought the messages were just pranks, they were just comments and pictures of Jihoon looking at Soonyoung. Then it escalated to a picture of Soonyoung receiving a blowjob in one of the bathroom stalls and several other pictures. It was only Soonyoung’s face that was recognizable. It drove Jihoon into panic. He didn’t know what to do. He begged the blackmailer to leave Soonyoung out of it, he paid the money, and even tried to stay away, but it was use. It still wasn’t a guarantee that Soonyoung is safe.

**Jihoon's message from unknown number**

He stared at the computer screen for hours and he still couldn’t believe what happened. He couldn’t believe that he allowed his fears to transform himself into someone he didn’t know, someone mean, and someone who was hurtful, especially to Soonyoung. Now that he lost the boy, it was like waking up from a nightmare where he could see himself being an asshole to Soonyoung, the person he loves, but most importantly the person who stood by him as a friend thru thick and thin. But he couldn’t disregard those fears, because those fears weren’t for him but for Soonyoung.

**Message from Unknown Number**

Jihoon was shocked with the last condition. It wasn’t something that he could do easily, but he will. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for Soonyoung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants:
> 
> Twitter ---> @soonhaee  
> 🐯 ---> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	36. Seungcheol's Courage

Seungcheol and Jeonghan decided to drive together. It was a three hour drive from the city, and they wanted to reach their dongsaengs in time for dinner. Jeonghan offered to drive, but Seungcheol refused. He knew the other usually sleeps when they travel, and he wanted Jeonghan to rest. He kept stealing glances at the boy beside him, not really knowing what to say despite years of being together. It was the first time in years that they were truly alone together. It was the first time that there were no barriers of members or of other people between them that always stopped them from interacting. But Seungcheol’s courage kept faltering. He watched as Jeonghan made himself comfortable and immediately fell asleep.

Seungcheol watched the scenery go by in a blur. They were in a high way surrounded by huge trees and they were beautiful. The only sound he could heat was Jeonghan’s steady breathing beside him. Sometimes Jeonghan would stir a bit and it would make Seungcheol’s heart skip a beat. The atmosphere in the car was suffocating. The unspoken words and unsaid feelings lingered in the air, making Seungcheol yearn for the boy beside him. But he knew he closed that chapter in his life, and locked it and threw away the key when he did what he did, when he didn’t have enough courage to fight for what they felt. ****

Seungcheol and Jeonghan arrived in the evening, just in time for the dinner that Soonyoung and Wonwoo prepared. Wonwoo wanted an atmosphere where Soonyoung can freely talk a about what’s happening, so he decided to host a simple barbecue in the lawn. They allowed their hyungs to freshen up for a bit while they prepare the food. They sat around their small table eating, drinking, and making small talk.

Jeonghan watched as Soonyoung quietly eat beside him. It wasn’t an uncommon sight. Soonyoung despite being energetic, also has his quiet moments. But Jeonghan noticed that Soonyoung’s silence was rooted to the fact that he was sad, and that was a rare moment. Soonyoung being said is a rare occassion. The boy has the ability to look for happiness in the simplest of things. So, to see Soonyoung in the state of lethargy was unnerving. 

“You know you’re going to have to tell us eventually right?” Jeonghan said when he couldn’t take it anymore. It was the first time that somebody addressed the elephant in the room. He watched Soonyoung squirm in his seat before speaking. Jeonghan felt bad for Soonyoung. He knew that Soonyoung was more concerned with how they will view Jihoon if he told them the truth, because that’s just the way that he was wired. He will always have Jihoon’s back despite everything that happened.

“There’s nothing to tell. It happened, and now it’s ended. That’s it.” Soonyoung said as he took a swig of his cola. He didn’t want to talk about it, mostly because he didn’t want the members to view Jihoon differently and most importantly because he believed that whoever was that in the studio, it wasn’t Jihoon. He was hoping that he heard differently, but deep inside he knew he didn’t.

“Soons—“ Seungcheol tried to intervene but Soonyoung cut him off.

“I’m done eating. I ate a lot, like I promised Jeon Wonwoo, now can I go?” Soonyoung stood up while Wonwoo just nodded surprised at Soonyoung’s outburst. The three watched as Soonyoung walked towards his bedroom with shoulders haunched down.

Jeonghan stood up and followed Soonyoung. He just wanted to make sure that the other boy was okay, but he rushed through the door when he heard Soonyoung sobbing. He slowly opened the door to Soonyoung’s room and quietly went inside. 

“Soons?” Jeonghan asked and lie down beside Soonyoung. “If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s okay. But I want you to know I’m here for you.”

Jeonghan kept Soonyoung close as he sobbed into his pillows. He wanted to ask questions but he knew he needed to give Soonyoung time. Jeonghan waited until Soonyoung’s sobs became quieter and turned into soft sniffles.

“Hyung?”

“Hmmm?”

“Jihoon said I’m annoying. He talked about me with his friends. His friends said mean things and he didn’t even defend me. He just let them and even agreed with them.” Soonyoung sobbed into Jeonghan’s chest. Jeonghan could only pull Soonyoung closer to him, He didn’t know what to say. The revelation was something new. It wasn’t like Jihoon to act like that, in fact you will never see or hear Jihoon complain about any member. He complains about the members to the members themselves, but he’s the one to turn into raging mess if someone dares to mess with one of them. Jihoon was extremely protective of each and once of them, especially Soonyoung.

“Soonie—“

“I know it’s not him. It’s not Jihoon. He wouldn’t throw us away, right? We’re friends, we’re best friends.” Soonyoung sobbed. 

“I don’t know what to tell you. You should let Jihoon explain. I think that would be best Soonie. Give him a chance to explain.” Jeonghan said. He thought that there must be some sort of explanation for Jihoon to act that way to Soonyoung, especially to Soonyoung.

“I told him I couldn’t. That we should cut our ties.” Soonyoung whispered.

“Soons, did you mean that?”

“At that time, yes. I was so angry. I just wanted to run away from him. It hurt so bad. His friends talk I could take, but Jihoon not even saying anything.. that hurt.” Soonyoung explained. He remembered how it felt like everything was dropping away when he heard Jihoon’s conversation with his friends.

“How about now?”

“I don’t know. I’m tired. I can’t be the one who keeps wanting this, who keeps chasing Jihoon. It’s exhausting.” Soonyoung admitted. “I’m exhausted, hyung.”

“Then stop and take a rest Soons. I think it’s time to take a step back and reassess what it is that you want. Put yourself first.”

“I know, but I can’t stop worrying about Jihoon.” Soonyoung admitted. “I can’t stop worrying whether he’ll eat something today, or even go out of his studio. I can’t worrying that if I stop talking to him, how are we going to approach each other again? What if I wake up one morning and I realized he’s totally gone from my life? What if—“

“Stop, Soonie. Stop.” Jeonghan said as he pulled Soonyoung closer. “First, he can take care of himself, Soons. He just likes it when you baby him. Second, those things will not happen because you won’t let it. Take a rest for a while, and then if you still feel like you don’t want to be with Jihoon anymore, that’s fine. If you feel you still want to fight for him, that’s also fine. What’s important right now is that you put yourself first okay?” 

“What if there’s—“

“I’ll talk to him, how’s that? In the mean time, you focus on yourself.” Jeonghan interrupted Soonyoung. He knew Soonyoung’s worry because he’d been through them himself. He knew how it felt letting go of someone, the worries, and regrets. But one just has to push through all that. “Soonie, these worries, you just have to push through it. We all encounter a time in our lives, when we have to put ourselves first, okay? You don’t need to feel guilty.”

“Thank you hyung.”

“Feel better?”

“Yes, so much better. Thank you.”

“Get some sleep, since we’re already here let’s have some fun tomorrow.”

“Good night hyung.”

“Good night.”

Jeonghan waited until he could hear Soonyoung’s soft snores before moving away. He slowly walked out of the room and found Seungcheol and Wonwoo in the living room waiting for him. 

“Is everything okay?” Wonwoo asked.

“Yes, he’s going to be fine. Get some rest Wonu, you look exhausted.” Jeonghan responded noticing the dark circles under Wonwoo’s eyes. Wonwoo may not seem the person to care deeply because of his cold image, but deep down he’s one of the members who truly worries when someone is hurt. Jeonghan was worried that Wonwoo was pushing himself too far taking care of others.

“I couldn’t sleep for the past few days. Soonyoung was restless and I—“

“It’s okay. We’re here now. You take a rest. We’ll take care of him.” Seungcheol reassured Wonwoo. “Get some sleep, okay?”

“Thank you hyung. I’ll sleep in Soonyoung’s room. You can take the extra room hyungs. Good night.” Wonwoo groggily walked away from both his hyungs and headed to Soonyoung’s room, leaving Jeonghan and Seungcheol alone again.

What followed was awkward silence. Seungcheol didn’t quite know how to act towards Jeongan without being in front of cameras. It was easier to be Scoups rather than Seungcheol. Scoups didn’t hurt Jeonghan. Scoups didn’t take away his choice. Everything was Seungcheol, everything was Seungcheol’s fault.

“You better rest.” Seungcheol said after a several minutes of silence. “I’ll take the couch, you can take the extra room.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind the couch.” Jeonghan said.

“It’s okay.” Seungcheol looked up and saw Jeonghan looking at him. He looked at Jeonghan’s eyes and he found nothing. He wished there was anger or even hatred, because at least Jeonghan still feels something for him, but there was nothing, and it scared him.

So, when Jeonghan started walking away, he couldn’t help but call out one more time the boy he love.

“Jeong— jeonghan?” Seungcheol whispered.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“I didn’t do it for you.” Jeonghan replied before turning his back again and started walking towards the room but stopped when he heard Seungcheol say something.

“I know, but still thank you. I wouldn’t know what to do without you.”

Jeonghan’s heart flutter for a moment when he looked at Seungcheol. He looked so sad that Jeonghan just wanted to pull the boy towards him. But he stopped himself. That chapter of his life was over, he thought.

“Okay, good night.”

“Jeonghan?” Seungcheol called him again and he could feel a subtle desperation from the boy.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry.” Seungcheol whispered. This time when Jeonghan looked at Seungcheol, his heart broke from how vulnerable the boy looked that he almost reached out to touch him. Instead, Jeonghan said good night and forced himself to walk away.

Seungcheol, on the other hand, wanted to say something more, but once again his courage failed him. He watched Jeonghan walked away from him for the hundredth or thousandth time, he didn’t know exactly. But he knew that each one instance was still painful as the first time that it happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants:
> 
> Twitter ---> @soonhaee  
> 🐯 ---> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	37. Bumzu's Request

Jihoon was in his studio just browsing his files, not quite having the motivation to write anything, when he heard a knock on his door. Bumzu, his mentor and friend, slowly came in. He walked towards the couch and gestured for Jihoon to do the same.

“So, I have a request for you.” Bumzu said. When Jihoon did not respond, Bumzu continued: “I have a concert next week, and I want you to be my guest performer.”

Jihoon just continued to stare at the floor. He didn’t know how to say no to his hyung, he didn’t know when the blackmailer will release their information, and he didn’t want to tarnish his hyung’s image by being close to him.

Bumzu noticed Jihoon’s hesitation. He also noticed how pale Jihoon was. His friend who was usually neat looked disheveled, his oily hair stuck to his face, and there were several stains on his clothes.

“Ji, I don’t know what’s happening with you lately. But maybe this will help break this cycle and routine that you have of locking yourself in here. It’s not healthy.”

Bumzu was worried about Jihoon. It’s been days since Jihoon went out of his studio. His usually neat and well kept studio was in a mess. There were several cup noodles on the table and energy drink cans. But what’s more unusual were the several opened bottles of soju hastily stock in the corner of the room.

Bumzu also noticed Soonyoung’s absence. Soonyoung was always in the studio with Jihoon, except for the times when he was needed and busy with his own work but even then Soonyoung would always make sure to drop by to check on Jihoon.

“Jihoon-ah, when was the last time you took a shower?” Bumzu asked. “This behavior is getting out of hand. I’m calling Soonyoung.”

“No!” Jihoon snapped surprising Bumzu.

“No,” Jihoon said a little more softly, “he’s on vacation, hyung. I’ll do whatever you want, just don’t—“

“Jihoon-ah, I know what’s going on. But this isn’t the way to deal with this. You locking yourself in this room won’t help you with anything, it won’t fix the problem.”

“I know that. I’ll sing on your concert, okay? In return let’s just allow Soonyoung to have his vacation, and at the end let me say a few words.” Jihoon said.

“A marriage announcement?” Bumzu teased.

Jihoon scoffed and shook his head. He wished it was something as easy as that, but it wasn’t. He was paying for his carelessness, and for being selfish and involving Soonyoung in all these mess.

“I’m also going to be asking Soonyoung to perform. So, please talk. Both of you.”

“What do you mean, hyung?”

“Look, Jihoon-ah, everything will be okay.” Bumzu assures Jihoon. “Jihoon-ah, I know what’s going on. I know you and Soonyoung are fighting right now. You only go to this hermit mode when both of you are not okay. But I also know in a few days time, everything will be okay.”

“Hyung?”

“I also know about you and Soonyoung, even before you guys knew yourselves.” Bumzu knowingly smiled. He watched these kids grow up and he knew that there was something special between Soonyoung and Jihoon. He knew how special they are to each other. He knew that if there were two people that were perfectly made for each other, it was both of them. It wasn’t because of their similar personalities, because they don’t. It was more because of their mutual care for one another.

“What?” Jihoon asked.

“I see the way you guys look at each other, even when you were still trainees. It’s not hard to figure it out.” Bumzu explained.

“Hyung—“

“It’s okay. It’s a good thing. Love is always a good thing. You just need a bit of courage to hold on to it.”

“There’s nothing to hold on to any longer, I messed up everything.” Jihoon rubbed his forehead with his hand in exasperation. “He walked out on me. He told me that we should just cut our ties, and I deserved it. I deserve everything bad that’s happening to me because I’m an asshole.”

“I’m sure Soonyoung was just angry. I would be to if I heard what you and your friends said.” Bumzu stood up and started picking up the different cup noodles strewn all over the place.

“Hyung, how did you—“

“Manager Yoon told me, about what happened. I guess he was hoping I’d reprimand you guys or something. He had always had a huge soft spot for Soonyoung. I won’t though, but here’s what I’m going to say, you don’t speak that way about the person you love and even about a friend, no matter what the reason is.”

“I know. I don’t..” Jihoon bowed his head in shame. He knew that Bumzu was right. What he did or didn’t do when his friends were bad mouthing Soonyoung, was beyond acceptable. He wished he could turn back time and speak in Soonyoung’s defense. He wished he could have been truthful and just screamed at his friends for treating Soonyoung badly. But it was his fault in the first place, in his effort to divert any suspicion towards both of them, he made it seem as if he’s annoyed of Soonyoung when it was completely the opposite.

“Jihoon-ah, whatever is happening with you, you know there are people that you can trust right? We’re here for you.” Bumzu said as he picked up the clothes strewn all over the place and put it in a bag.

“I know that hyung.”

“Good. You also really need to clean up here and take a shower! You smell like shit.” Bumzu joked to which Jihoon just responded with a smile. “You also need to get rid of those properly. You know alcohol is not allowed here.”Bumzu said referring to the bottles of Soju.

Jihoon nodded and went to place the bottles in a dark plastic bag for disposal before sitting back down again to face Bumzu who returned to his original seat.

“I lost him, didn’t i?” Jihoon whispered. He bowed his head and covered his face with both his hand, elbows resting on his knees.

“Knowing Soonyoung, he just needs to cool down for a little bit. I remember when you fought during your trainee days, he was always the one that comes back to you, even if you were the one at fault. I’m sure he will be back, but maybe this time, it’s time for you to be a bit braver and go to him? But only if you can stop with the bullshit, stop hurting him, Jihoon-ah.” Bumzu said.

“I want to but I can’t. It’s complicated.” Jihoon answered. He grabbed his phone and opened the blackmailers messages to remind himself why he couldn’t. He closed his eyes when he saw Soonyoung’s picture in a compromising position. It was his fault, he told himself.

“There’s nothing complicated about the choice between things that would hurt a lover, or even just a friend, and things that won’t. But so far you’ve been choosing the former and I can see Soonyoung struggling to stay afloat. I can see him struggling to keep himself from breaking. I hope you realize that before it’s too late.”

“Yes, hyung.” Jihoon whispered not really knowing if he could make that promise. He knew he could not reach out his hand to Soonyoung without subjecting him to further pain and humiliation. The only thing he could do for Soonyoung was to agree to the blackmailers demand and to let go.

“Alright, but think about it, okay?” Bumzu finally said when he noticed that Jihoon’s mind was elsewhere. “Go take a shower, Jihoon-ah.”

“I will, thanks hyung.” Jihoon answered. When Bumzu left, he continued cleaning up and then forced himself to take a shower, at least he fulfilled some of his promises to Bumzu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants:
> 
> Twitter ---> @soonhaee  
> 🐯 ---> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	38. Breakfast

Seungcheol and Jeonghan were sitting awkwardly by the table while waiting for their dongsaengs. Seungcheol was browsing his phone when he noticed a news about their group’s producer.

“Why is Jihoon selling his building?” Seungcheol asked. ****

“What?” Jeonghan stood up and grabbed Seungcheol’s phone. A news article was published declaring that Jihoon was selling his newly acquired building for personal reasons. “Is this even confirmed news?”

Jihoon was proud of that building, it was the evidence his hard work. There was no way he was going to just sell it for no reason at all. Seungcheol tried calling Jihoon to confirm the news but his call went straight to voicemail.

“I’m sure it’s nothing.” Seungcheol said just as Soonyoung and Wonwoo walked into the room.

“What’s nothing?” Soonyoung asked.

“Seungcheol’s feelings. It means nothing.” Jeonghan said while he pulled Soonyoung to sit beside him. “Come on, fill up on bacon and eggs, we’ll do some water activity.” ****

Wonwoo and Soonyoung noticed the tension in Seungcheol’s shoulders when Jeonghan said those words, while Jeonghan just continued filling Soonyoung’s plate with eggs and bacon. Soonyoung wanted to intervene but Wonwoo shook his head to stop him. Wonwoo knew it was something that Seungcheol and Jeonghan should fix on their own.

After breakfast, they spent the rest of the day enjoying different activities offered by the area. They went waterskiing, rode a banana boat, and then hung out on the beach afterwards.That night, Wonwoo and Soonyoung invited both their hyungs to a movie night. The younger ones fell asleep in the middle of the movie.

“Jeonghan-ah..” Seungcheol said when he noticed Wonwoo and Soonyoung were already sleeping.

“Hmmm?” Jeonghan replied while he stroked Soonyoung’s hair as he watched the movie.

“Would it be possible for us to talk?” Seungcheol watched Jeonghan expectantly hoping that he would agree. He just wanted on more chance to explain and ask for forgiveness. He needed Jeonghan to know that there was never a day that he did not think about him.

“What’s there to talk about?” Jeonghan nonchalantly said without even sparing a glance at Seungcheol.

“Jeonghan-ah—“

“Let’s try to fix this first. I don’t know why but I have a bad feeling about Jihoon selling is building.”Jeonghan interrupted Seungcheol. Jeonghan didn’t really want to talk to Seungcheol. He no longer has the energy to deal with their issue. As far as he was concerned, it ended the moment Seungcheol decided for himself.

“Oh, okay.” Seungcheol whispered. Jeonghan watched Seungcheol stood up and slowly walked out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants:
> 
> Twitter ---> @soonhaee  
> 🐯 ---> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	39. The Difference

Jeonghan woke up to several text notifications. When he opened his eyes he found Soonyoung calmly reading his phone and texting back. ****

“Soonyoung-ah, who’s texting you this early in the morning?” Jeonghan said as he tried to wake himself up. He found himself in between Wonwoo and Soonyoung. The three of them fell asleep together while they were watching a movie. Wonwoo stirred beside him and almost fell off the bed.

“Manager Yoon asked me when we’re going back.”

“What did you tell him?” Wonwoo asked as he stood up and walked towards the door still heavily groggy.

“I told him we’re going home tomorrow.”

“Oh, okay. I’m going to check on Seungcheol hyung, and take a shower.” Wonwoo said as he walked out of the room leaving Jeonghan and Soonyoung alone. Soonyoung set aside his phone and moved closer to Jeonghan.

“Hyung?”

“What’s up?” Jeonghan moved to lie down on his side to face Soonyoung.

“Are we going to be like you and Cheol hyung?”

“Wha- what? What do you mean?” Jeonghan was surprised with soonyoung’s question. He never really thought about how his bad relationship with Seungcheol would affect Soonyoung’s perception of relationships.

“Looking at you guys, I feel like we’re going to the same direction. All those years of friendship and it’s—“

“No, we’re different. What happened to us—“ Jeonghan said but Soonyoung interrupted him.

“How is it it different hyung? We’re both in the same boat. It hurts my heart just imagining us like you guys. You were so close before and now the only moment you address each other is when there are cameras around. Jihoon hurt me but I don’t want that type of relationship. I know I told him that our friendship is over, but I can’t. But I’m losing hope. Each day that goes by, I’m losing hope that we’ll even fix this, if this pain would go away. If I’ll be able to move past this, and forgive him.” Soonyoung cried. He wished he could erase what happened. He wished he could stop hearing Jihoon’s laughter in his head when they talked about him. He wished he could forget and forgive Jihoon. He didn’t want to lose him, but couldn’t stop his heart from breaking and hurting every time he thought about it.

“Soons, that’s not the way that it works.”

“But—“

“We’re different okay? Seungcheol is—“ Jeonghan hesitated before continuing. “He was the love of my life. We both made promises to be with each other no matter what. We promised each other to fight for our love. But too much have happened already, I don’t know if there’s still a way to fix this, to fix us.”

“Won’t you try?” Soonyoung asked. He was desperate. He needed to see that even after all the pain, there will still be a way put back together what was broken. He needed proof that forgiveness is possible. He needed to see for himself that at the end of the day he won’t have to say good bye to Jihoon.

“Try to?” Jeonghan asked.

“Fight for what you feel.”

“I did, I was ready to fight for him and I did. But he wasn’t. He gave up on us even before we started the fight. How do you fight for someone who had already given up? How do you fight for someone who doesn’t even want you to?” Jeonghan said. He turned and faced the ceiling, willing himself not to cry, telling himself not to be hurt of the past. He told himself that it was over, that it shouldn’t hurt him anymore. But it was a lie, deep down his heart was still breaking.

Soonyoung snuggled closer to Jeonghan when he noticed his hyung's tears.

“Do you still love him?” Soonyoung whispered.

“I don’t know.” Jeonghan admitted. But Jeonghan knew the answer. It wasn’t something that he sees changing in the future. Seungcheol, despite all the pain, was still the person who holds his heart. The reason why his heart was breaking every waking moment.

“You wouldn’t be hurting if you don’t.” Soonyoung voiced out what Jeonghan was thinking. Jeonghan turned to look at Soonyoung and flicked his forehead.

“Yeah, maybe.” Jeonghan smiled. “But that’s the thing, it doesn’t matter anymore. That chapter in my life is closed. Seungcheol was the one who closed it himself. So, it doesn’t matter what I feel or want. It’s over.”

Soonyoung was about to speak again, but Jeonghan shut his mouth with his hands.

“So, you see we’re not the same Soonyoung-ah. Because you’re still fighting, and he is still fighting for you. Even though Jihoon terribly hurt you, I know deep in your heart you still believe that the person in that room laughing wasn’t Jihoon. You’re still hoping for a reasonable explanation for his behavior. You asking me this question, you have this fears, because you haven’t given up hope. It’s the same with Jihoon, judging with the insane amount of messages he left you. Both of you are still fighting. This is why we’re differen. This is also the reason that you don’t have to fear ending like us and Cheol, because you won’t. You and Jihoon are brave. You’ll get past this.” Jeonghan explained.

“I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know if I could still trust him.” Soonyoung took a deep breath. He took his phone and opened Jihoon’s messages. There were several new ones. Ones that he didn’t even bother to read because he knew they were all the same and he couldn’t trust Jihoon’s words at the moment.

“You’re just saying that but you know in your heart it’s not true.” Jeonghan said. “We both know that your heart has already forgiven him.”

“That’s what scares me, hyung.” Soonyoung said.“I feel like that then opened his messages. He hesitated for a bit before sending a reply.

“I forgive you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants:
> 
> Twitter ---> @soonhaee  
> 🐯 ---> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	40. Ending Scene

Seungcheol covered his mouth to muffle the sounds of his cry. He quickly walked outside the rented house and ran to the beach. He watched the sun slowly disappearing as he sat by the shore, cheeks still glistening with tears.

Was he really the bad guy? He asked himself. He tried to look back at the time when he lost Jeonghan, and all he could remember was the fear that someday Jeonghan would grow to resent him if he loses his dreams because of him.

They were just starting out, and they worked hard for their debut. He didn’t have much power to defy the CEO at that time especially with the state of the company. If a scandal broke out, even the other members would be affected. He did the best he could to protect every one.

But until that day, he was still haunted by the thought that maybe he chose wrong. He is still haunted by the emptiness of Jeonghan’s eyes, whenever he looks at him. He sobbed harder into the night, until he felt someone draped a coat on his shoulders.

“I’m sorry.” Jeonghan said as he sat beside Seungcheol on the beach. “I know you heard everything.”

Seungcheol didn’t know what to say. What does one say to the person you’ve hurt the most in the world? He felt the words sorry was not enough to encompass the pain he caused Jeonghan.

“I didn’t say it to hurt you. None of the things I do is meant to hurt you.” Jeonghan continued. He hesitated before reaching out for Seungcheol’s hand. “For the past years, I feel like I’ve been floating in this realm of indecision, not really knowing whether to let this go or hope that we could still fix this.”

“Jeonghan-ah—“

“No, let me finish.” Jeonghan said. Seungcheol nodded. “I never really hated you. I ignored you because I couldn’t stop myself from feeling hurt every time I see you. But Soonyoung’s right, there’s still love if I still keep getting hurt. Cheollie, you’re my greatest love and my greatest heartbreak, this is why.. this is why I have to let it go.”

Jeonghan gave Seungcheol’s hand a squeeze. Seungcheol couldn’t stop his tears from falling. He couldn’t stop himself from heaving, while sobs wrecked his chest. Jeonghan moved closer and put his arms around Seungcheol.

“Cheollie, shh.. it’s okay. The pain, hope, and this love. I’m letting go, then maybe we can patch up what we lost when we decided to plunge into love, our friendship. Maybe we can start over? I missed being friends. I missed you.” Jeonghan reassuringly softly rub Seungcheol’s back who was still sobbing. He couldn’t help getting teary eyed himself. He didn’t know how to stop hurting Seungcheol and being hurt by him. He wished there was a way where they could stop hurting each other.

“Hannie, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I never meant what I said in that room. I just wanted to protect you. I never meant to hurt you. I love you.” Seungcheol said as he faced Jeonghan. This time, he wasn’t the only one in tears. He brushed away the tears on Jeonghan’s cheeks. He gently cradled Jeonghan’s face on his hand while the other boy closed his eyes. Jeonghan grabbed Seungcheol’s hand and leaned into his touch.

“I understand what you did. I just didn’t like it that you didn’t tell me. I just didn’t like it that you made the decision for me. I was so scared that time, but you hardly looked at me. You made me feel like everything about us was a lie.”

“I’m sorry—“ Seungcheol said but Jeonghan interrupted him.

“But you were right, maybe I would have resented you in the long run if we lost this dream.” Jeonghan whispered as he opened his eyes and intertwined their hands together.

“Hannie...” Seungcheol wanted to beg Jeonghan to take him back. But he couldn’t find the courage, at the end of the day he was still the coward that he was before. He couldn’t find the courage to believe that he wouldn’t hurt Jeonghan again. So, he stayed quiet.

“It’s okay.” Jeonghan said sensing Seungcheol’s hesitation. He knew what was on the other’s mind. He could see it in Seungcheol’s eyes, the desperation but there was also hesitation. Jeonghan thought he would be hurt, that even after all these time, Seungcheol still didn’t have the courage to fight for them. But Jeonghan also understood that fear, and he accepted it, so he continued:

“Maybe in another lifetime we could start over, maybe then we’ll both have the courage to fight for this. Will you meet me again in a different life?” Jeonghan asked. His smile was sad, but sincere. He missed him.

“Even in the life after that.” Seungcheol answered. He kissed Jeonghan’s hand and then pulled Jeonghan closer to him pressing their foreheads together. “I love you, Hannie”

“I love you too.” Jeonghan whispered back. “Friends?”

“Friends.” Seungcheol answered.

Jeonghan leaned his head on Seungcheol’s shoulders, hands still intertwined, as they listened to the sea and the breeze cried for their lost love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants:
> 
> Twitter ---> @soonhaee  
> 🐯 ---> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	41. Forgiveness

Jihoon was still in his studio when he received a text message from Soonyoung. He almost dropped his phone when he read Soonyoung’s message. He clutched the phone to his heart and tried not to cry, but he couldn’t help it. The pressure that he had been feeling in his heart for the past few days slowly melted away. He could feel the thorns in his heart, melt away. He felt relieve that Soonyoung was still willing to forgive him despite everything he’d done. But he also felt scared that Soonyoung would get hurt if he fails to stop the blackmailer. He also felt guilty. He felt guilty for putting Soonyoung through so much pain, and at the end of the day, he felt bad that it was Soonyoung who even made the effort

]But what he didn’t know is that if he should feel relieve that Soonyoung could still find it in his heart to forgive him, or even more guilty that it was still Soonyoung who made the effort to patch things up. He wanted so much to follow Soonyoung, but he knew his movements were being monitored by the unknown person threatening to reveal the pictures. He knew it was someone close to them, but he had no idea where to start looking. He also didn’t like the idea of mistrusting everyone around him. Their staff had been with them from the very beginning except for a few ones who were hired for the ones that got promoted.

He went home to their dorm that night. The members who were their welcomed him with open arms. They knew that something was wrong, and that Jihoon was dealing of it on his own. They wished they could help but they knew Jihoon and wanted to respect his decision. So, they did what they could do. They prepared dinner that Jihoon hardly touched and watched a movie that nobody really paid attention to. They just want to be physically be there for Jihoon hoping that their presence was enough to reassure the boy that he was not alone.

Jihoon woke up in the middle of the night with another message from the unknown person. It contained a picture of Soonyoung leaning on the counter of the bathroom in a very uncompromising position. Someone was behind him grabbing his hair as he got f*cked from behind. But it was only Soonyoung’s face that was visible, while Jihoon’s was hidden in the shadows. It took all of him not to throw his phone and yell. He was shaking all over, but this time in anger. He was shaking all over just thinking that this person witnessed them in their most intimate moments. He was angry that this person saw Soonyoung in his most vulnerable moments, when those moments were just for him, and only for him to see.

**Message from the Blackmailer**

****

He chucked his phone at the end of the bed. He told himself he’ll do what the person told him to do, but he will do everything in his power to catch him and when he does, he will inflict the same pain that he cause to Soonyoung and more.

“Hyung?”Jihoon didn’t noticed that Mingyu woke up. “Are you okay?”

“Yes. Go back to sleep. I’ll head back to the studio.” Jihoon said as he stood up.

“Hyung, wait. You hardly touch your food earlier, you need to eat.” Mingyu said as he got off his bed.

“No, it’s okay.”

“Hyung, Soonyoung hyung ordered and paid for them. He even made it delivered here.” Mingyu said as he pulled Jihoon out the door and to the kitchen. He sigh at Jihoon’s unbelieving eyes. “You can check the receipt if you want.”

Jihoon checked the receipt and it really was ordered by Soonyoung. Mingyu noticed Jihoon glanced at the door.

“Hyung, they’re not yet home. He just called a delivery service. So, please eat.” Mingyu pulled Jihoon back to his seat. He then proceeded to warm up the food for just a bit since Jihoon didn’t really like his food hot. When Mingyu was done, he placed everything in front of Jihoon who started eating immediately. “Hyung, eat slowly. You’ll choke.”

Mingyu poured Jihoon a glass of water but was surprised when Jihoon started sobbing while chewing his fried chicken. He immediately moved closer to Jihoon to comfort him.

“I don’t deserve this, Mingyu-ah. I don’t deserve Soonyoung’s kindness.” Jihoon whispered as he stuffed his mouth with the food that Soonyoung sent.

“Hyung, of course you do. I don’t know what’s happening but you deserve this. You deserve more.” Mingyu looked at Jihoon who was still crying. “Hyung, please stop crying. I’m supposed to take a photo of you and send it to Soonyoung hyung. Do you really want him to see you crying? He’s going to be worried sick.” 

Jihoon immediately wipe his tears away and sat a little straighter.

“Hyung, you know whatever is happening that we’re here for you, right? Soonyoung hyung too. We know you two had a fight. But we all know Soonyoung hyung will forgive you—“

“I don’t want him to.” Jihoon interrupted Mingyu. “I don’t deserve it.”

“Well, it’s not really your choice, hyung.” Mingyu said. “I’m sorry hyung, but please whatever that’s going on, I hope you know that we have your back, especially Soonyoung hyung.”

Jihoon knew that, but he also wanted the team to know that he also had their backs, especially Soonyoung. That’s why he was doing his best to protect them. They’re his querencia, and he won’t let anything bad happen to them or tarnish their dreams. But the more important reason was that he wanted to protect the person he loves.

**Mingyu's Message to Soonyoung**

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants:
> 
> Twitter ---> @soonhaee  
> 🐯 ---> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	42. Wonwoo's Decision

Soonyoung smiled when he received a message from Mingyu. It was a photo of Jihoon eating the food he asked to be delivered. He just wanted to take care of Jihoon, even for one last time. He knew the questions and the distrust, won’t immediately go away. He wasn’t even sure if he still has the courage to be part of Jihoon’s life. He knew they had a lot to talk about, but he wasn’t sure if he had the energy to go through that. For most part, he was still hurt. He forgave Jihoon. It was easier to forgive, but difficult to forget. 

Wonwoo watched as his friend smiled over the phone. But Wonwoo knew that Soonyoung’s smile was still marred with sadness. He brought Soonyoung there to help him get over Jihoon, and to help him forget him even for a while. He wanted Soonyoung to realize his worth. He just wanted to take him away from the pain, especially the night they left when Soonyoung was hysterical. He was sobbing so terribly that Wonwoo thought that whatever had happened must have hurt a lot. He thought about canceling their vacation, but Soonyoung insisted that they go. Wonwoo drove to the beach house with a crying Soonyoung on the front seat, who eventually fell asleep crying.

**Flashback**

_Wonwoo was waiting for Soonyoung in their dorm, all of their bags were packed for a week’s vacation in a nearby vacation house near the sea. It was several hours drive and Wonwoo rented a car for them to drive in. He was especially excited to spend more time with his friend, and his first love. But he already accepted his fate in that department, he know that Soonyoung was meant for Jihoon. He knew that his role was to be the supportive friend. He already knew how their story will end even before it started._

_Wonwoo was shocked when Soonyoung burst into their dorm in tears. He was trembling as his chest shook with sobs that he couldn’t not control._

_“Hey, what happened?” Wonwoo asked as he pulled Soonyoung in a tight embrace. Soonyoung just cried even harder. “It’s okay. I’ve got you. It’s okay.”_

_Wonwoo led Soonyoung to the couch but the latter refused._

_“Let’s go.” Soonyoung cried. “Please, let’s go. I don’t want to be here. Please Wonu.”_

_“Okay, we’ll go. But you need to calm down okay? You can sleep in the car. Come on.”_

_Soonyoung spent the rest of the car ride silently crying on the passenger seat and Wonwoo could not do anything about it except continuously drive, hoping that the farther away they are from Jihoon, the lesser Soonyoung’s pain._

**End of Flashback**

Wonwoo looked at his friend some more. He didn’t know if the vacation helped. He hoped it did. He just wanted Soonyoung happy. That’s all he ever wanted.

“Okay, we’re driving home tomorrow morning at the earliest time possible.” Jeonghan said when he entered the room breaking his reverie.

“Is there something wrong?” Wonwoo asked when he noticed that Jeonghan was a bit nervous. Jeonghan sat by the couch and face both Soonyoung and Wonwoo.

“I don’t know what it is, but I have a feeling that we need to be home. I have a bad feeling.”

“Hannie, maybe you’re just overreacting.” Seungcheol said as he sat beside Jeonghan and rubbed his thigh. It was an old gesture of comfort which they shocked Soonyoung and Wonwoo. They haven’t seen their hyungs act like that for a long time. Wonwoo and Soonyoung also noticed the old nickname which Seungcheol no longer used, they ignored it.

“Cheol, you know I’m never wrong in my intuitions.” Jeonghan rested his head on Seungcheol’s shoulders while Seungcheol automatically put his arms around the other, surprising their dongsaengs.

“Okay, then we’ll drive as early as possible. But we have to take a rest first, we don’t want to get into an accident. So, please get some sleep.” Seungcheol pleaded.

“I know. I still have a bad feeling. But you’re right” Jeonghan finally relented.

“Come on, let the kids rest. You need to sleep.” Seungcheol said as he pulled Jeonghan to the spare bedroom.

Soonyoung and Wonwoo looked at each other when their hyungs shut their door.

“That wasn’t my imagination, right?” Wonwoo asked.

“Yup, I guess Sebong’s one true pair is back.” Soonyoung smiled. He was glad that something good came out of the vacation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants:
> 
> Twitter ---> @soonhaee  
> 🐯 ---> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	43. We’re Good, Not Friends, Definitely not Lovers

Jihoon excitedly ran to the dorm when he heard that Soonyoung was back. He didn’t know what to say but he just needed to see the other boy. He tried texting and calling Soonyoung after he received the text, but the other boy did not respond. He felt relieve when he received the text, but when he thought about it, when he thought about the possible reason of such forgiveness, Jihoon couldn’t feel but cower in fear.

Soonyoung was in his room unpacking when Jihoon burst into his room. He wanted to pull Soonyoung into his arms, but he knew he wasn’t allowed to. Soonyoung looked exhausted despite kist So, he slowly walked towards Soonyoung who gestured for Jihoon to sit on the bed.

“What is it?” Soonyoung asked while he put away his dirty laundry.

“I wanted— I just— Can we— please... talk?” Jihoon was shaking too afraid of what Soonyoung’s answer might be.

“I can’t. Bumzu hyung wants to meet up.” Soonyoung said as he continued to fix his belongings, not quite looking at Jihoon. He's not sure of what he’ll feel if he did. Whether to feel love or hate, both were scary for Soonyoung at the moment.

“Can— can I come, please?” Jihoon asked.

“Ji, I don’t think you understand.” Soonyoung said as he walked towards the bed, but stopped himself from going near Jihoon. “I forgive you.”

Jihoon stood up and faltered for a bit while walking towards Soonyoung who chose to stand instead of sitting beside Jihoon, but he immediately stopped when he noticed Soonyoung clenched his fist.

“I forgive you. We’ve been friends for more than half our lives. But I don’t think I can go back to how we used to before. I don’t think I can just be your friend like nothing happened, like you— like— it doesn’t matter.”

“Soons...”

Jihoon reached for Soonyoung but the latter took a step back.

“Please Jihoon, what I’m saying is that I can’t be your friend, at least not at the moment.I need space. I need time. I can’t keep doing this to myself. I don’t want to keep hurting anymore. I forgive you, but I haven’t forgotten what happened. I haven’t forgotten the sound of their laughters. I haven’t forgotten your silence.” Soonyoung wiped an escaped tear from his face. “I forgive you, but I don’t think I can be friends with you anymore, at least not now.”

“Soonie... I’m sorry.. please... I’m so sorry.”

“Ji.. I can’t.”

When Jihoon noticed that Soonyoung was close to tears, he decided to back off. He knew it was better that way.

It was better for Soonyoung to distance himself from Jihoon, and Jihoon felt that Soonyoung was getting farther and farther away from him, and it was torture.

“Can— can I just have one more hug, please?” Jihoon whispered and looked at Soonyoung with pleading eyes, but Soonyoung turned his back on him. But before Soonyoung could walk away from him for good, Jihoon ran to the boy and wrapped his arms around Soonyoung. Jihoon clung onto Soonyoung and hugged him from the back. He buried his face on Soonyoung’s shoulder blades and wished that he could stay in the moment forever.

“I— I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean anything that I said that day. I’m sorry. I know I’ve ruined my chances with you. I know I’ve ruined our friendship. I know I’ve ruined us. I know I’ve hurt you and I’m so sorry. I love you so much. Please remember that, whatever I did or will do, it’s because I love you so so much. No other reason, just that. I love you. I love you. I love you.” Jihoon cried. He hugged Soonyoung tighter and just when Soonyoung was about to turn around and reciprocate the embrace, Jihoon let go and silently walked away.

He stayed at the studio that night, locking himself in, not really having enough strength to face the world at the moment. Just one night, he thought to himself. He just needed time to grieve for his lost love. Just one night, he promised himself and the day after, he will do what’s needed to be done.

“Just one night Jihoon-ah, it’s okay to cry. Just tonight.” He whispered to himself as he sobbed into a pillow to muffle the sound of his cries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants:
> 
> Twitter ---> @soonhaee  
> 🐯 ---> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	44. Jihoon's Thoughts

Jihoon woke up in his studio. His first thought was Soonyoung and how badly he wanted to see him. He asked himself if the rest of his life would be shitty as he felt that morning. He stared at the ceiling not really having any thought except for the boy whose heart he broke. He stared and stared some more, not really having the energy to move. He needed to work but all he could think of was that it was the day that he lost his best friend and first love. He took two deep breathes when he felt his throat constricting and his eyes tearing up. He stopped himself from dwelling on the emotions. He stopped himself from thinking about the pain. They had a schedule that night for an awards night. There were also a lot to be done that day, and he needed to do them if he was going to protect Soonyoung.

Jihoon finally sat up and grabbed his phone. There were no messages. He was hoping for a text from Soonyoung eventhough the other boy made it clear that he needed space. He couldn't help it, Soonyoung occupied the most part of his life and time. Even when they were just friends, Soonyoung was his constant. There was not a day when Soonyoung was absent in his life. The days to come scared. He wasn't scared of the blackmailer for himself, because he knew he could deal with the consequences. But he was scared for Soonyoung. He was scared of not being able to protect him. The only thing that he was scared for himself is the fact that he was going to live the rest of his life without the other boy. He didn't know if he could take it. He didn't know if he could live without Soonyoung, but he had to.

He stood up and went to the bathroom when he heard his phone buzz with a text message reminding him that they were supposed to attend an awards show that day. He looked at himself at the mirror. His eyes were swollen and his nose was still blotching from crying. Jihoon also looked pale. He looked dead, which was fitting, he thought since that's how he feel inside. He washed his face. He's going to be okay he said to himself. He tried a small smile and it worked. He was smiling, but when he looked at his eyes, the agony was clear. So, he shook his head to get rid of that thought. He's okay, he told himself.

He hurriedly took a shower and went down the building to meet with his manager. He needed to prepare for the day. The members were shocked when he opened the door to the car.

"Hyung! What did you do all night? You look swollen as a tomato." Seungkwan said as scooted over to make room for Jihoon. All of the members of the vocal team was present since they were the ones scheduled second for their hair and make up. The performance team was already there while the hiphop team will follow.

"Jihoon-ah, are you okay?" Jeonghan asked, but Jihoon just continued looking out the window. He took a deep breath when he felt his throat constricting. In a few minutes, he was going to see Soonyoung again and he needed the strength not to break down.

The salon was in chaos when they arrived. Their other manager was arguing with the staff, while the performance team was seated in the waiting room with members of another group, SF9. Jihoon's eyes went directly to Soonyoung, but the other boy hardly spared him a glance. Soonyoung was sitting beside another boy, a member of the other group. He was too busy playing something with his phone. Jihoon sat in one of the chairs, when the boy called Channie shouted while the other members groaned:

"Hyung! I knew it! It was you!" Channie said, addressing Soonyoung who laughed. Jihoon wondered when they became close.

"Gotcha! It wasn't me who killed you though." Soonyoung responded, finally looking up of his phone.

"It was me." Another member of SF9 answered, and raising his hand to ask Soonyoung for a high five, which the latter gave while laughing.

Jihoon just watched Soonyoung interact with other people. He didn't realized how his eyes followed Soonyoung's every bit of movement. He watched in fascination when Soonyoung smiled or laugh for a bit. He wished he was the reason for those smiles and laughters.

Seungkwan woke him up from his reverie when he pulled him toward the make up area.

"Come on Jihoon, hyung. It's our turn."

"Seungkwan.."

"Hyung?" Seungkwan answered as he sat beside Jihoon.

"Are we close with the other group?" Jihoon asked.

"I think so. Rowoon hyung asked for Soonyoung hyung's number. You're all the same age." Seungkwan said as a matter of factly. "I think he invited hyung to hang out."

"Oh."

They finished their make ups and drove to the venue where he spent the rest of the night trying his best to act normal. Jihoon tried his best to appear okay especially when the cameras were directed at him. He smiled at all the right moments. He tried to appear attentive but all the time his mind was elsewhere. His mind was on Soonyoung's smile when they met SF9 again, who happened to sit at the table beside them. His mind was on the small brief hug that Soonyoung and Rowoon shared when they won Artist of the Year that night. His mind was on the small conversations both Soonyoung and Rowoon exchanged through out the night. His mind was on the fact that Soonyoung was moving on with his life, without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants:
> 
> Twitter ---> @soonhaee  
> 🐯 ---> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	45. Soonyoung's Moved On?

**Soonyoung's Post**

Jihoon checked all of Soonyoung's instagram posts. He missed him and he felt that the only way he could keep up with the other boy's life was to check his posts. It was filled with normal and random things. It was filled with coffee shop runs, photos of food, practices, and just random stuff. The only surprising thing was the presence of Soonyoung's new friend in his posts.

Jihoon sigh and decided to check out Rowoon's own account, and was even more surprised by the similarities of his and Soonyoung's post. The similarities were subtle, but they were there.

**Rowoon's Post**

But he wasn’t the only one who noticed them, even the fans did. There were a couple of pictures where they were seen separately with the same clothes, making the fans think of couple shirts.

**Fan's Post**

****

Jihoon's heart broke at how easily Soonyoung had replaced him. His heart broke with just how easily Soonyoung moved on. He knew and accepted that it was for the best, but it didn't make things any easier. He also couldn't help but feel a bit cross with Soonyoung flirting around when he was losing everything. But at the same time he felt protective, what if the blackmailer finds out about them. Is Rowoon even willing to do what he did for Soonyoung?

He was exhausted when he arrived in the practice room that day after meeting with the building broker. But their manager said that Bumzu requested him at the the rehearsals, so hurriedly went there. He found Soonyoung already done with his set and was already leaving.

"Soons, wait." Jihoon said as Soonyoung went out the door. He followed the other boy who just kept walking.

"Yeah?"

"Are you-- why-- you should stop." Jihoon finally said in frustration. He wanted to explain how dangerous the situation was but couldn't find the words. He couldn't find a way to explain the situation without revealing everything. "You should stop what you're doing with Rowoon.”

"Rowoon? What does this-- never mind." Soonyoung looked flabbergasted. "Look Ji, when I asked for space, I meant it. Please, respect that."

Soonyoung then walked away, leaving Jihoon staring at himwhile he walked away.

I just want to protect you, but why do I feel like the bad guy? Jihoon thought. He was worried that the person would go after Soonyoung again but this time with Rowoon. He was scared that all his sacrificed would be for nothing. But most importantly, he was hurt at how easily Soonyoung discarded him for Rowoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants:
> 
> Twitter ---> @soonhaee  
> 🐯 ---> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	46. Jeonghan is a Genius

**Hoshi and Woozi Post**

****

It was the day of Bumzu’s concert and all of the members were invited. Jihoon and Soonyoung went earlier. Jeonghan and Seungcheol insisted on going with them.Both were worried about leaving Soonyoung and Jihoon in one car, having noticed that both boys weren’t in good terms at the moment.

Even the younger members noticed. They noticed how Soonyoung would avoid even the simplest of interaction with Jihoon, while Jihoon would always look longingly at the the other boy. It was disconcerting to the members because both were inseparable in their own ways sometimes to the point of co-dependence.

The members were specially worried about Jihoon. They only see him during group practices and meetings. They grew even more worried when they found out that Jihoon put up his building for sale, along with several other belongings. He even met with the broker and several buyers. They were shocked with how fast things were moving, especially when they found out that Jihoon had already sold two of his cars.

Seungcheol felt that it was Soonyoung who could find out what’s happening with Jihoon. Seungcheol felt that there must be something wrong. Soonyoung was deeply worried, so despite needing the space and their weird exchange outside the practice room, he tried. Soonyoung told himself that he was just being a friend, and that it’s the least that he could do.

**Flashback**

_“Jihoon?” Soonyoung called as he entered the studio, but he was surprised that Jihoon was not alone. He was again with his friends who stared back at him surprised at his sudden appearance. Then, all the things that he heard came rushing back to him. He remembered just how they talked and laughed about him. He questioned why Jihoon was still hanging out with them after all the pain they put him through and even after claiming that he loves him._

_“Soons!? What are you doing here?” Jihoon asked and immediately stood up. Soonyoung noticed Jihoon’s expression turned into one of panic and looked around the room at his friends. It stabbed Soonyoung’s heart, looking at Jihoon who was alarmed that he was there._

_Was Jihoon that ashamed of him? Soonyoung asked himself. He wanted to curl up in a corner when he realized that._

_“Uhh, nothing. Scoups hyung asked me to chel up on you. Sorry, bye.” Soonyoung hurriedly went out of the studio. He badly wanted Jihoon to run after him but he knew the other boy wouldn’t, especially in front of his friends. He was just the annoying Soonyoung who kept following him around._

_His friends were everything to Jihoon, that Jihoon even hurt him just to look good in front of them. Soonyoung thought bitterly._

_Seungcheol tried to convince Soonyoung again, asking him to talk to the other, but this time the latter refused and Jeonghan supported his decision. Seungcheol insisted, but Jeonghan stopped him with a glare. Jeonghan knew what happened in the studio, and how it affected Soonyoung. If something is indeed happening with Jihoon, then they could deal with it themselves, no need to involve Soonyoung, Jeonghan told Seungcheol._

**End of Flashback**

Jeonghan and Seungcheol decided to stay in the waiting room while the rest of the members were already in their seats. Jeonghan could not get it out of his head that something was wrong. That the pictures in his head created by Jihoon's actions were right. He knew just how much Jihoon valued Soonyoung, and he wouldn't throw it away for anything, not even his friends who Soonyoung claims were so important to Jihoon.

He knew just how much Soonyoung meant to Jihoon even before their arrangement. It was evident with the way Jihoon treated Soonyoung. Jihoon may not be clingy to Soonyoung, especially in front of the camera, but behind it, one can see the softness of how Jihoon treats the other boy.

Jihoon was the type of person who doesn't like his things to be touched especially his expensive equipment, but he allows Soonyoung to. He even allowed him to play around with his equipment, not once but several times which resulted to different cover songs and one hilarious horanghae song.

Jihoon makes sure to ask Soonyoung whenever he buy clothes, which resulted to similar ones. He made sure to bring Soonyoung to the gym when the latter was feeling insecure with his body.

Jihoon laughs in adoration at everything that Soonyoung does, even the things that aren’t really funny.

Jihoon made thirty songs for Soonyoung to choose at for the single album that he dreamt of having, and Jihoon continued to do so. That’s how much whipped Jihoon is for Soonyoung.

Jeonghan knew Jihoon had a soft spot for Soonyoung so it was impossible for him to easily believe that Jihoon would badly treat Soonyoung without any reason.

Jeonghan watched Soonyoung practice in front of the mirror in the waiting room, while Jihoon watched him carefully. But it wasn’t the only thing that he noticed, Jeonghan also noticed a person watching Soonyoung fondly, but the look turned sour when Jihoon suddenly walked towards Soonyoung.

“Soons?” Jihoon called from behind. “Can I talk to you for a bit?”

“Sorry Ji, I really need to practice.” Soonyoung wanted to go, but after the studio fiasco, he was honestly tired of it. He was exhausted and only went there because he was worried. But now, he didn’t even want to try. Jeonghan was right. Jihoon can take care of himself.

“Oh right.” Jihoon said deflated. Jihoon just wanted to have a second with Soonyoung because he knew after that night, he will be gone from his life for good.

Jeonghan did not miss the smirk on the person’s face. But when the person noticed Jeonghan looking at him, the smirk immediately turned into an expression of concern.

Jihoon slowly walked away with his head bowed down as he went back to his seat and quietly pursed his lips and clenched his fist, trying his best not to break down. Jeonghan noticed Jihoon’s expression changed to one of anger when he read something on his phone. Jeonghan noticed how livid Jihoon was with something that he read on his phone, that he was shaking.

When the concert started, everyone went to their places, except for Jeonghan who for some reason, got hold of Jihoon’s phone and got shock with what he read, especially the last one. It made him rush outside to his teammates. He knew he wasn’t always wrong, but he surprised even himself that he was right on this one. He must really be an angel, he thought to himself. But right at that very moment, he wasn't feeling very angelic. Nobody messes with his family and gets away with it, he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants:
> 
> Twitter ---> @soonhaee  
> 🐯 ---> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	47. The Last Song

All of the members were present at Bumzu’s concert. He was very much a central part of the team and was like an older brother to each and everyone of them that it was a must to attend his concert. But despite the happy occasion, the members could feel that there was something wrong in the air, something they could not quite identify.

They forgot the feeling when Hoshi came on stage and wowed the audience with his overly energetic set. The members hyped their beloved brother with all their heart. Everyone enjoyed Soonyoung’s performance which ended up with everyone standing and dancing with Soonyoung.

It was a total contrast to Jihoon's set in which he sung a couple of ballads setting a somber mood for the concert. His song choices were noticeably sad.

Jihoon just finished singing a couple of song, one of which was a self composed song, "What Kind of Future." He sung for the first time during their fan meet. For the present concert, it was the third time that he sung the song, but it was the only time that he really felt the lyrics. It was the first time that he could relate to the song. He sung the words that used to meant nothing, but now are so filled with meaning. It was as if his heart before knew that the day without Soonyoung was coming and provided the words to the song. Was this the future that the song meant? Jihoon asked himself. A future without Soonyoung, was it even worth living?

The audience, on the other hand, was mesmerized by just how much emotion Jihoon brought to the song, that by the end of it several audience members were already tearing up. Nobody spoke, nobody clapped, everyone was focused on Jihoon baring his heart for the world to see. But nothing could have been more focus than Soonyoung, standing beside the stage, just behind the curtains. He was crying with each word that Jihoon sung. When he couldn’t take it anymore, he quietly put his hands on his mouth and tried his best the muffle the sound of his cries. He was heaving when Jeonghan rubbed his back in comfort. ****

When the song was finished, Jihoon sniffed and smiled after the song. It took a couple of minutes before he could reign in his emotions. He took a couple of sips of his water before being able to address the audience. His next song was carefully chosen by him.

It was a song that was familiar to him, and a song he felt fitting to express the current state of his heart. It's as if the lyrics were written by especially for that very moment when the distance between him and Soonyoung was getting bigger, when all he could feel was the cold that Soonyoung left behind when he left, and all he could do was call his name in the darkness, without hope of an answer. The song was a perfect representation of the what he was feeling.

An unachievable love, is still love, right? He told himself. He wanted to make that clear to Soonyoung, that despite the painful ending to their story, there was never a moment that he never love him, and there was never a moment or action that was not fueled by love itself.

“Sorry about that, I get emotional with that song, and I have no idea why.” Jihoon smiled. “Anyways, I chose the next song because this one is close to my heart. But before that, let me just say that when Bumzu hyung asked me to sing tonight, I agreed immediately. Bumzu hyung is a friend, one of the greatest friend anyone could ask. I only had one request, I asked him if I could say something at the end."

Jihoon paused for a bit and took a deep breath. He scanned the faces of the audience, trying the memorize that feeling of being on stage. He closed his eyes for a bit and just savored the feeling of the spotlight hitting his skin, that slight nervous buzz everytime a song starts, and the love he felt from the eyes of the audience.

He tried to remember everything, since in just a moment, all of those he must give up. Jihoon sadly smiled and continued:

"I have been on this path for a very long time, and it was exhausting at first but at the same time rewarding. I collected so many memories with different people I met throughout my career, with the fans, and especially the members."

He scanned the place and his eyes landed on Bumzu who was waiting by the side.

"Bumzu hyung, thank you for helping me become the producer that I am today. I was able to flourish as a song writer because of your help."

He took a deep breath and looked at the audience. He specifically looked at his fans who came to support him and Soonyoung, holding their carat bongs, and proudly waving their handmade signs of love.

"To the fans, my carats, thank you for accepting me and making my dreams come true. I am not perfect but you have accepted me wholeheartedly despite of these imperfections. Thank you for all the love and I wish I could have returned it more. I wished, somehow, the songs I wrote were able to comfort you. I love you. My gratitude for you carats, knows no bounds. I am forever grateful."

Jihoon said as he looked again at several carats who were there to support Bumzu. Jihoon knew that his fans who weren't there will get the message as well. He smiled at them before looking for his members.

"To the members, my brothers, I love you guys. I know I don’t say it often, but you guys are the reason why my life was filled with happiness. I think my life would have been boring without you guys by my side.”

He browsed the crowd looking for that one person that he wanted so much to see. He was disappointed when he couldn't find him in the crowd. Jihoon hoped that he was listening. He knew he lost him, but he couldn’t bear the thought that Soonyoung thinks that he doesn’t care for him.

"Soonyoung-ah, you’re still an idiot. The biggest idiot. You’re— you’re my best friend. Thank you for having my back every step of the way. Thank you for being my calming breeze in these world that's filled with chaos. You made my life worth while.” Jihoon hesitated debating whether it was too much, but he didn’t care anymore, he just wanted Soonyoung to know how he really feels so he continued.

“My home, my querencia. We had a good run Soonie, didn't we?I'm sorry, Soons. I-- I love you..." Jihoon paused for a second. He took a deep breath trying to fighting the constricting feeling he was having in his throat, and pushed down the sob that was trying to come out.

“I love you, br— bro. I love you guys so much.” He stopped and looked at the audience. He clenched his fist and took a deep breath. “But good things must come to and end, that’s why right now, I am announcing my—“

“Next song! A duet with his favorite person in the whole world— me!” Soonyoung interrupted as he hurriedly went on stage, while audience cheered. "Good things must come to an end, but not without a performance from your hoshi and woozi combo!"

“Yah..” Jihoon whispered off the microphone and tried to hide the panic he was feeling. He looked around hoping the blackmailer would understand the situation. He didn't know who it was, but he knew that person was watching them. He wanted to push Soonyoung out of the way. He wanted to beg for Soonyoung to get off the stage, that it wasn’t safe. He was panicking when Soonyoung addressed him.

“I told you to keep the message short. I’ve been waiting in the backstage forever. Sorry guys, Jihoonie is feeling sentimental tonight.” Soonyoung announced to the audience as he put his arms around Jihoon in a friendly manner. To the audience, it looked like a friendly gesture, but Jihoon could feel that Soonyoung was trembling and it was a gesture of comfort not only for Jihoon, but also for himself.

"Now we know just where those emotional ballads are coming from." Soonyoung teased Jihoon.

“Yah..” Jihoon whispered trying his best not to show just how alarmed he was. He needed Soonyoung off the stage. He needed to announce his retirement, or the blackmailer will release all of the photos in the internet.

“I’m not letting you do that.” Soonyoung whispered when he noticed Jihoon frantically looking around.

“Anyways, Jihoon's last song was a song that we used to sing in the practice room." Soonyoung said releasing Jihoon from his half hug to address the audience. "You see I’m the biggest shawol and I would always ask Jihoon to sing it with me. So tonight, before everything— before this ends— the night ends,we would like to go back to the time when we were just trainees, a time when everything revolved around practicing. To sing a song we used to sing when we first started and to sing it when everything-- i mean to end this night, don't you think it's fitting, Jihoon? We've come full circle. We want to sing it for you guys. I think this is a very meaningful song, right Jihoonie?” Soonyoung smiled at Jihoon and but Jihoon could see the unfallen tears and the fear behind his smile. Jihoon could see how Soonyoung’s hand trembled in fear, and how he gripped on the microphone harder trying to drive those fears away. He watched Soonyoung be brave for them, and it made Jihoon felt better, and lighter, like the weight of the world has been lifted. He wasn’t alone. Soonyoung will always be with him.

Soonyoung took a deep breath before facing the audience.

“To my eleven brothers in the audience, I love you guys. Thank you for spending your youth with me. Carats, I— I love— you so much! Thank you for giving me a chance to live my dream, even for a short while. My heart is forever grateful. Please forgive me for my transgressions. My mistakes are my own, please remember that. I love you. Jihoonie, it has always been you and me against the world. We’re in this together. I— I have no regrets. Thank you for being my partner in making our dreams come true. Thank you for just being there. I love— I love you.. bro.. Thank you guys!”

Soonyoung smiled but his eyes were filled with tears, and Jihoon was also trying to stop his tears from falling. When the song started, Soonyoung grabbed Jihoon’s hands and tightly held on to it. Jihoon looked at Soonyoung's eyes and he found no fear in them. Instead, it was filled with determination and love. Soonyoung didn’t know what going to happen afterwards, but he hoped whatever it is that ‘s going to happen, Jihoon would be in a safe distance. This was all his fault, and he will make it right, he promised himself. He will reveal the pictures himself if it would mean saving Jihoon from all these. He already put him through too much. Soonyoung had already decided his fate. He already accepted his fate. This wasn’t Jihoon’s last song, he told himself. It was his.

Song: The Name I loved

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtO3-_WzLbE&feature=youtu.be](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtO3-_WzLbE&feature=youtu.be)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants:
> 
> Twitter ---> @soonhaee  
> 🐯 ---> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	48. Jeonghan's Plan

_**(FLASHBACK)** _

_The concert was about to start so the staff requested for the members to go to their seats in the audience. But Jeonghan refused to leave Jihoon. Soonyoung was the opening act so he left with the staff to prepare for his performance, leaving Jeonghan alone with Jihoon. Jeonghan watched Jihoon stare at the door where Soonyoung left._

_“Jihoon-ah,” Jeonghan called out to which startled Jihoon, “nobody’s here. Tell me what’s wrong.”_

_“What do you mean?” Jihoon asked._

_“You’re acting strange.”_

_“There’s nothing wrong, hyung. I’m just a bit nervous. I think I’ll watch Soonyoung’s performance and the concert from the side.” Jihoon said._

_“Nervous my ass. I know you so tell me right now.” Jeonghan insisted. He knew Jihoon inside and out. Jeonghan knew there was more to it than just nervous energy. It wasn’t also just because of Soonyoung. Jihoon was sad but at the same time there was this determination and anger on his eyes that Jeonghan can’t quite place. He knew there was something else going on._

_“I— I can’t.” Jihoon whispered hand still clenched on his phone._

_Jeonghan stood up and locked the door of the waiting room before going back to Jihoon. He made the other boy face him determined to get to the bottom of everything._

_“Do you trust me?” Jeonghan silently asked._

_“Of course!”_

_“Then tell me.”_

_“I can’t. I can’t. Hyung, please. I have everything under control.” Jihoon begged. There were eyes everywhere Jihoon told himself._

_“What do you mean?”_

_“I— I will do everything to protect this team, hyung. I love you guys.” Jihoon said._

_“What are you talking about?”_

_“Nothing. I have to go. I don’t— I don’t want to miss Soonyoung’s performance.” Jihoon said and hurriedly walked away._

_Jeonghan knew there must be something else that’s happening. He watched Jihoon walked away. He decided to just go and take his seat in the audience. But he couldn’t help but be bothered by what Jihoon said about protecting the team. He kept thinking about Jihoon’s odd behavior. He looked around and saw someone fidgeting with his phone. It was the same someone who was looking smugged when Soonyoung refused to talk to Jihoon. When he couldn’t take it any longer, he mentally apologized to Bumzu and grabbed Seungcheol and Wonwoo and pulled them towards the backstage._

_“Hannie, Jihoon’s going to perform soon and Bumzu hyung will feel bad if—“_

_“Hush.” Jeonghan snapped which made Seungcheol shut his mouth immediately. “I need both of you to listen. I’ll explain later. I need to check something. Wonwoo I need you to go back to your seat and take note of everybody from our company.If anyone’s phone rings or if you see anyone use their phone, grab them.”_

_“What? Hyung, that’s—“_

_“Do you trust me?”_

_“Hyung..” Wonwoo hesitated._

_“Do you fucking trust me Jeon Wonwoo?”_

_“Yes, of course hyung.”_

_“Just make an excuse to borrow their phone or grab them, okay?” Jeonghan insisted._

_Wonwoo didn’t quite know what was going on, but Jeonghan’s seriousness was intimidating and scary. He went back to his seat and decided to do just what Jeonghan had asked. He felt that it was a matter of life and death with the way Jeonghan was acting._

_“Cheol, I need you to distract Jihoon while I grab his phone.” Jeonghan continued._

_“What?” Seungcheol asked. “I don’t think Jihoon would like that—“_

_“Just do it, okay?”_

_"Why not you? I value my life." Seuncheol said. The last time he tried to open Jihoon's phone was during their second year of being seventeen and Jihoon almost beat him with a guitar. Jeonghan looked at him pointedly._

_“O-kay...” Seungcheol agreed, not really having the strength to deny any of Jeonghan’s request. Jeonghan's happiness was more important than his life, Seungcheol decided._

_Seungcheol hurriedly went to do his task and was able to convince the sound technician to tell Jihoon that his phone was interfering with their communication devices backstage. Jihoon didn't want to part with his phone, so when he saw Seungcheol walking towards him, he asked their leader to make sure that his phone was safe. Jihoon made Seungcheol promised to keep it with him at all times._

_"Jihoon, I promise, okay? I just came here to wish you luck. I got to go back." Seungcheol said pretending to be in a hurry to go back to his seat. Jihoon nodded and turned his attention to Soonyoung performing on stage. Seungcheol how intensely Jihoon watched Soonyoung from the side. He wanted to reach out but knew whatever Jeonghan's plan, was more important at the moment. So, Seungcheol regrettably walked away from Jihoon and hurriedly walked towards the place where Jeonghan was waiting for him._

_Jeonghan wasted no time in opening Jihoon's phone. Luckily, all the members share the same passcode in their phones, it was the day of their debut. But he was shocked when the phone failed to open. He tried Jihoon's birthday and it was wrong. He tried Soonyoung's birthday and failed._

_"Shit." Jeonghan cursed himself._

_"Try Soonyoung's birthday--"_

_"I already did!"_

_"No, backwards. He keeps forgetting the new passcode to the studio so we changed it back to the old one but this time backwards." Seungcheol suggested. He didn't really feel good invading Jihoon's privacy but trusted Jeonghan enough that whatever it was that they're doing was important._

_Jeonghan followed Seungcheol's suggestion and successfully opened the phone just as Soonyoung finished his set._

_Jeonghan hurriedly browsed through Jihoon's messages and found what he was looking for. It was an unknown number with several messages. When he browsed through Jihoon's phone, his suspicions were correct. He found endless messages of threats and pictures of Soonyoung in compromising position sent to Jihoon's phone. Suddenly, everything made sense._

_"Shit."_

_"What is it Hannie?" Seungcheol asked._

_"This asshole is threatening to release photos of Jihoon and Soonyoung in their-- when they're--" Jeonghan didn't quite know how to explain to Seungcheol, but both of their eyes widened when Soonyoung interrupted them._

_"What photos?" Soonyoung asked._

_"Soonie--"_

_"No, what photos!?" Soonyoung grabbed the phone from Jeonghan's hands and was shocked when he found the exchange of messages. He fell on knees when he felts his legs gave out, startling Jeonghan and Seungcheol._

_"Soons, it's going to be okay." Jeonghan said trying to comfort Soonyoung. He knelt on the ground and put his arms around a trembling Soonyoung._

_"How? Wh-who? Is-- is this the reason why Jihoon-- why he kept pushing me away? Was he scared to be near me? Be--because of this?"_

_"No! Soonyoung that's not how Jihoon thinks. He loves you." Jeonghan said trying to assure Soonyoung who looked at him with unbelieving eyes._

_[It must be because he was ashamed and scared that it will affect his career. The other reason was too unbelievable. Jihoon didn't love him. He wouldn't have hurt him if he did. Shit. It was his fault. Shit. Shit. Shit. ] Soonyoung thought, but he said it out loud alarming Jeonghan._

_"Kwon Soonyoung, listen to me. Jihoon loves you." Jeonghan made Soonyoung face him. He made him look into his eyes to convince the other boy of the truth. "I know you don't trust him at the moment after everything that happened. But think about it. Everything he did was to protect you." Jeonghan explained. He knew what Soonyoung was thinking and it wasn't right, not after everything that Jihoon did._

_When Soonyoung did not answer, Jeonghan continued:_

_"Soons, Jihoon needs us. He's been trying to protect you, and now it's our turn to protect him."_

_"I never asked him to protect me!" Soonyoung sobbed. He was scared. He was scared for himself, but most importantly, he was scared for Jihoon._

_"Sometimes, we don't need to ask. They do it on their own because they love us." Jeonghan said looking at Seungcheol who's eyes were already glass from unshed tears. "Soons, Jihoon loves you a lot. He was willing to sacrifice everything for you, even himself. The person asked him to retire Soons, and he's going to do it. We have to stop him."_

_This seem to have woken up Soonyoung from his stupor._

_"Hyung, this is all my fault. This is all my fault. I can't let Jihoon do this. I won't." Soonyoung said. "Please hyung, help me. Please. I'll do anything. I'll take the fall. I'll leave the team. Just please don't let Jihoon get hurt." Soonyoung begged. He knew what to do. He decided that there was nothing or anything on earth that would hurt Jihoon, not if he can help it._

_"It's okay Soons. You don't have to. You have to go and stop Jihoon with his announcement. Don't worry. I have a plan." Jeonghan said and smiled._

**_End of Flashback_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants:
> 
> Twitter ---> @soonhaee  
> 🐯 ---> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	49. The Culprit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: This chapter will contain improper stalker-ish behavior. It will describe an obsessive and inappropriate interest from someone. Discretion in reading is advised.

_**FLASHBACK** _

_It was his first day in Pledis Entertainment. He applied as a manager and was successfully accepted. The only problem was that, he wasn't going to be managing the newly debuted team called Nu'est, instead he was stuck taking care of a bunch of trainees. It was frustrating on his part since he just wanted to be around celebrities. That's the only reason he applied in the first place, but now he was stuck taking care of a bunch of kids that were not even sure if they're going to make it or not._

_He looked around the room and was startled when a kid with bunch up cheeks suddenly bumped into him. He was panting and sweating all over. His hair was soaked in sweat and exhaustion was evident in his face._

_"Oh sorry, I didn't see you, uhmm-- hyung? I'm Soonyoung." The kid smiled. His cheeks bunched up and his eyes completely disappeared. It was like looking at the sun and he was hooked._

_From that day on, he tried his best to take care of Soonyoung. Being a trainee was difficult, so he made sure to help Soonyoung in every possible way. It's the little things that makes a difference he told himself. So, he made sure Soonyoung had plenty of water in the practice room. He also made sure to pack food for him. There were plenty of kids, he was just making sure that Soonyoung also gets enough to eat. He made sure that all of Soonyoung's effort was focused on practicing and school. He prepared breakfast for him before his classes. He did Soonyoung's laundry and made sure that everything were ironed and properly kept in his closet. It upset him whenever he sees other members used Soonyoung's clothes. But when he pointed it out, Soonyoung told him that they were his brothers, what's his is theirs to share. So, he let it go and also started out picking some stuff to keep._

_It started with a hat that Soonyoung discarded. When Soonyoung saw it on him, he smiled and praised him for looking good. It made his heart flutter. He then moved on to socks, just stuff that Soonyoung would probably not miss. Soonyoung himself said that it's okay to share. So, he kept all his treasures in a box under his bed._

_Soonyoung was a good kid and often showed his gratitude to him. It made his heart flutter when Soonyoung would put his arms around him or hug him, just the simple things. He wishedhe could do more, but he knew it wasn't allowed. He was a trainee. He’s probably lose his job and won’t see Soonyoung again if that happens. So, he reined everything in._

_When they finally debuted, he was one of the happiest person on earth. Their debut was a huge success. The company was nearing bankruptcy and risked everything on Soonyoung's team. It was a huge relief for everyone when the team was gaining success. It was also the moment that he witnessed Soonyoung grew from a young boy into a young man and heart fluttered some more._

_But his innocent thoughts turned into non-innocent ones when Soonyoung performed sexily, especially when they tried to mix up their concepts. Gone was the cute bubbly boy and came the sexy tiger. It didn't only make his heart flutter, but drove his libido into overdrive. It also didn't help that he watched the members especially Soonyoung practiced their routines shirtless. He found himself jerking off to Soonyoung's performances. His favorite were videos of Soonyoung practicing shirtless which he secretly took with his phone._

_He often found himself watching Soonyoung, imagining himself on top of the other while he pushes Soonyoung over the edge with pleasure. He had a lot of fantasies._

_He told himself he'd stop, but he couldn't. His obsession just grew more and more. Especially when he first witness Soonyoung in throes of pleasure, on the receiving end of a lip service from non-other than Lee Jihoon. He wanted to rip Jihoon apart. Soonyoung was his and his alone. No one can take Soonyoung away from him, he thought._

_He went crazy whenever he catches the two in compromising positions. He grew obsess in separating the two but could not find a way. So, he settled on recording them every chance he gets. Sometimes, he'd even pleasure himself as he watched the two, imagining himself to be the one in Jihoon’s place._

_But when he noticed the relationship changed from sexual and turned sweet, he grew restless. He noticed how Jihoon’s treatment of Soonyoung change. Jihoon had always treated Soonyoung nicely but he noticed that there was a certain sweetness to everything. It drove him mad. It started with the sun flower which Jihoon stuck on Soonyoung's locker, then lunch, and everything else that Jihoon tried to do for Soonyoung._

_He needed a plan. Soonyoung was his alone. Nobody can take him away from him, not even Jihoon. So, he sent the message which started it all and he was relieved. He was relieved when he found Jihoon pushing Soonyoung away, but also sad that Soonyoung was hurt. He told himself to hang in there. When Jihoon was out of the picture, he promised himself he'd do everything to make Soonyoung forget him. He never really planned to release the pictures and videos. In fact, he didn’t even make copies and just kept it in his other phone which he kept securely. He loved Soonyoung. He'd do everything to make Soonyoung happy. He'd do everything to make him love him._

_"Soonyoung will love you, no matter what. Hang in there. Hang in there, Yoon." He told himself._

_End of Flashback_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants:
> 
> Twitter ---> @soonhaee  
> 🐯 ---> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	50. FAMILY

**FLASHBACK**

_It was simple. Jeonghan thought. His plan was simple. He asked Seungcheol to go join Wonwoo and catch whoever was grabbing their phone in the middle of the performance. Simple but brilliant, Jeonghan thought._

_He dialled the phone number over and over again, hoping that Seungcheol and Wonwoo were in position to observe whoever it was who owns the phone with the number. The cellphone owner cancelled the call. So, he dialled it again and again just in case, with the same results, but he received a text message afterward._

**Manager Yoon to Jihoon's Phone (Jeonghan holding the Phone)**

****

_Jeonghan smiled. He hoped that was enough for Seungcheol and Wonwoo to identify the person who owns the number. If his suspicions were wrong, then they were in deep trouble. He was waiting by the sidelines when Wonwoo came back along with the rest of their members. Soonyoung was pacing around waiting for Jihoon's turn to perform._

_"Hyung, we know whose phone kept vibrating and he kept cancelling it. He then sent a text message and it ended." Wonwoo said. Jeonghan smiled. He was sure that he was the person behind the text messages._

_Jeonghan looked at Soonyoung for a second. A silent question but Soonyoung knew what Jeonghan was trying to asked. He took a deep breath and faced his members. Bumzu was still singing his set, and Jihoon will be on stage next. So, he needed to do it fast._

_"I'm sorry." Soonyoung said. "We and-- Jihoon and I-- We-- I'm so sorry."_

_"Hyung, it's okay. We know about you and Jihoon hyung. It's okay." Seokmin offered his hand which Soonyoung took. Seokmin couldn't bear to look at his hyung so lost and scared._

_"That's not it. Someone found out and-- and-- it--" Soonyoung tried but he couldn't get the words out, so Jeonghan took the reigns in explaining to the team what's happening. When Jeonghan was finished, Soonyoung broke down and fell into his knees still begging for forgiveness from the eleven people whose careers he put in danger._

_"Hyung, it's not your fault. It's never your fault. We're in this together. We can fight this." Chan said. Seeing their maknae cry made Soonyoung sobbed even more._

_"Get your shit together, Soons. This is not yet over. We need to fight this and we will fight this, okay? No one's breaking our family." Wonwoo said._

_"I'm sorry." Soonyoung whispered. But his eleven members were having none of it. They understood. It wasn't Soonyoung's fault. He fell in love and that wasn't something to be ashamed of. It was that person's fault, not Soonyoung's and Jihoon's. It was that person's fault for violating the privacy and intimate moments of their friends._

_"But still I'm sorry." Soonyoung insisted. "We shouldn't have done that. Seungcheol hyung understood the consequences.”_

_"It's not worth it." Seungcheol said which shocked his teammates. "No, don't misunderstand me. I love you guys. But I could have handled everything differently. Giving up that love, was not worth it. Everyday I still regret the day that I let go of Jeonghan. Everyday I still wish for the courage to love freely."_

_"Soons, it's not wrong to fight for your love. I'll support you, no matter what happens. We're in this together. I will never forsake you, just because some people don't know how to accept certain kinds of relationships. It will surely affect our careers, but I don't want to live in prison. I want a free life, where I can freely love whom I chose to love." Wonwoo said._

_"We're with you, Hyung. No matter what. So, do what you have to. We got your back." Minghao said._

_"Hyung, if I come out as gay this very second, would you hate me?" Seungkwan asked._

_"Of course not!" Soonyoung said._

_"Exactly! We feel the same way hyung. We love you. We accept you. This isn’t your fault." Seungkwan replied._

_"Whether we break or fall, it doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is that we're all together. I love you, hyung. We love you." Mingyu pulled Soonyoung into a hug and the others followed suit._

_They were a family, and families stick together. There was never a question of who's leaving the team or not because that was never part of the option. They promised to stick together whatever happens. It's just a career they told Soonyoung, what matters most is their friendship and love for each other._

_By the time their talk ended, Bumzu has already finished his set and Jihoon was going on stage. Jeonghan asked is members to hurriedly return to their seats, while he and Seungcheol called the CEO. Jeonghan asked Wonwoo to sit beside their Manager and to immediately grab his phone, while Vernon and Mingyu guarded the exit. Soonyoung then rushed towards the side of the stage where he could freely watch Jihoon’s performance and stop his plans of announcing his withdrawal from the team._

**End of Flashback**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants:
> 
> Twitter ---> @soonhaee  
> 🐯 ---> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	51. Let it Be

**(Present Time)**

Jihoon and Soonyoung sang with their hearts on their sleeves. There was beauty in the overwhelming sadness and even desperation in the way that they both sang the song. The audience was mesmerized with the intensity of the emotions that both boys displayed on the stage. Some of the audience in the concert were teary eyed but the several carats in the audience were openly crying and softly whimpering from the pain that their beloved leaders was exhibiting. They didn’t understand why but they felt like both their leaders were saying good bye. They watched as both Jihoon and Soonyoung held on to each other’s hand as if desperate for something they can’t quite place. They knew both were close but Soonyoung was always the one clinging on to Jihoon, so it was a surprised to everyone when they saw Jihoon’s reciprocating the gesture.

After the song, they silently bowed to the audience longer than usual while still holding hands. They slowly walked off the stage. When they were behind the curtains Jihoon tried to pull away, desperate to look for Seungcheol for his phone but Soonyoung wouldn't let him go. He pulled Jihoon to the nearest room for a bit of privacy and locked the doors behind him before he pulling Jihoon into a surprising embrace.

“I’m not going to let you leave, asshole.” Soonyoung whispered as held on to Jihoon tightly. He was softly whimpering and trying his best to stop himself from crying while he held on to the other boy who was trying to carry the weight of their mistake by himself. “I don’t care about the pictures. I only care about you.”

"How— how did you know?” Jihoon asked.

“Jeonghan hyung figured it out.”

“Soons—“ Jihoon tried to interrupt and leave Soonyoung’s embrace but he wouldn’t let him. At that moment, Soonyoung didn't really care anymore. He just wanted Jihoon close. He tried to put everything that he was feeling into the embrace. Jihoon could feel the desperation in Soonyoung's embrace, he could feel it in the way that Soonyoung tightly grabbed on to his waist, the manner in which Soonyoung's hands clenched on his shirt, in the way that Soonyoung buried his face on his shoulders, and the involuntary whimpers. It was at that moment that Jihoon understood just how much Soonyoung needed him at that moment. So, instead of running to look for Seungcheol in hopes of stopping the blackmailer, he wrapped his arms around Soonyoung who just held on tighter.

“I-- I know we haven’t discussed what we are properly but I thought tha-- that even when we were friends it was understood that we’re in this together. It’s you and me against the world. So, wh-- why ha--have you been trying to-- to leave me?” Soonyoung stuttered as held Jihoon tighter. It was evident in his voice just how much he was trying not to break down.

“I'm not." Jihoon whispered. "That wasn't what I was doing for the past--"

"But you were! You should have told me! We're in this together." Soonyoung insisted and released Jihoon from his embrace. "Do you really think that I could live my life knowing that I ruined yours because--"

"You didn't ruin mine, Soonyoung. Never." Jihoon held Soonyoung face with both his hands willing the other boy to look at him. He wiped a few escaped tears from his cheeks with his thumb, but more tears only fell. His heart ached when Soonyoung's lips trembled. There was nothing more that he wanted to do that very moment but take Soonyoung away and hide him somewhere nobody could hurt him. "This was my choice. I will always choose to protect you. Please, don't think that way. " Jihoon begged.

"I don't want you to. I won't be able to bear it, Jihoon. I can't and I won't allow it." Soonyoung insisted as he took Jihoon's hands into his. Jihoon knew there was no use arguing with Soonyoung. He needed to find the person otherwise all the pain would be for nothing, he still wouldn't be able to protect Soonyoung from his mistake.

"And I won't allow you to suffer for my mistake!" Jihoon snapped. He was getting impatient and want nothing more but to track down the person before everything is revealed. But he felt it, the exact moment he said those words, he felt Soonyoung's body stiffened. Soonyoung swallowed for a bit and eyes not exactly meeting Jihoon's. Soonyoung tried to withdraw his hands from Jihoon but the latter wouldn't let him. "I'm sorry, that came out wrong."

"O-- okay."

"No, listen to me." Jihoon begged.

"I don't--"

"Listen, please. That came out wrong. This-- Us-- you-- you're the greatest thing to ever happened to me." Jihoon pulled Soonyoung closer, unwilling to let go and mentally cursing himself for adding to Soonyoung's pain. "You have to believe me. Please. If I could stay I would, but this is the only way that I can protect you, and I have to protect you. I won't be able to forgive myself if I don't."

"And you think I will? You think I can live normally knowing that you're suffering? Why is it that you think I’ll stay even if I knew that you were suffering? Do you really think I could live with myself knowing that you suffered because of me?” Soonyoung said.

“Soons—“

“No! Stop! I don’t care about your explanation anymore. Do you know what my first thought when I found out?” Soonyoung interrupted Jihoon whowas getting more worried as time passes. “I thought you were pushing me away because you were scared and ashamed of me and maybe I'm right, since you seem to think of us as a mistake. I'm not letting you sacrifice your dreams for this fucking mistake!"

"You're not listening!" Jihoon said. He wanted nothing more than to assure Soonyoung that he was doing everything to protect him, but he was running out of time.

“No, you're the one who's not listening. I'm telling you that you've pushed me to the edge, Ji. That I even doubting you even right now. But I'm trying my best to keep everything together because I don't want you suffering because of this.” Soonyoung explained. "I never looked at this, at us as a mistake and it hurts that you do."

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I just want to protect you. Everything I did, I just want to protect you. You're the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I love you so much. Please you have to believe me.“ Jihoon begged but Soonyoung just stayed quiet. It was draining everything in Jihoon. He was scared that the longer they wait the greater the repercussions were.

“I’m sorry, Soons. We can talk later okay? But that person is going to release everything. We have to find him.” Jihoon moved to walked away but Soonyoung stopped him.

“It's okay, Jihoon. I can accept everything if it's the price that I have to pay for loving you. I don't need you to sacrifice your career for me." Soonyoung said finally, taking a deep breath.

“Soons, do you really want the world to know that—“

“Yeah, maybe. I don’t know. All I know is that my actions are my own and you have nothing to do with it. You’re not the one in the picture. The world may judge me, but I’m okay with it. I’m not ashamed of who I am. I'm not ashamed of us." Soonyoung explained.

“No! We have to— I have to announce my retirement right now!” Jihoon was now panicking. He took Soonyoung's hand but the other pulled his hands away from Jihoon's grip.

“It’s okay, Jihoon-ah. I already accepted my fate. I don’t care if they turn their backs on me, I just don’t want you to turn your back on me. Can’t you see? Until now you're still blind. It doesn't matter."

“You’re mad at me for trying to protect you, but you’re doing it too! You’r being a hypocrite right now, you know? I know I dragged you into this mess, so let me fix this."

"No! Let it be, Jihoon-ah. I won't, I refuse to drag you down with me. So, please, let it be."

"Soons--"

"Let it be!"

Jihoon was about to argue more but they were interrupted when Jeonghan suddenly came in with a concerned expression.

"Come on both of you, everyone's waiting for us at the company. Sajangnim also wants to see both of you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants:
> 
> Twitter ---> @soonhaee  
> 🐯 ---> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	52. We Will Protect You

Jihoon and Soonyoung quietly rode side by side in the car towards their company. Jeonghan opened the window trying not to suffocate with the tension in the car. He was also nervous. The last time that something remotely the same happened was his and Seungcheol's situation, and ended badly. It ended with both of them hurt. It also ended their friendship, a friendship that they're now trying to repair with much difficulty. Now it's happening again. Soonyoung and Jihoon had been friends forever, he hope the company takes that into consideration.

Jihoon, on the other hand, couldn't stop fidgeting. There was nothing more that he wanted to do at the very moment than to call the unknown person and beg to give him another chance. Maybe if he had his phone he would have just posted his announcement in instagram. Surely that would still be the same as announcing it during the concert. He wish he had his phone at the moment.

There were no staff members present in the company when they arrived. Their senior manager told Jeonghan to head to the practice room where the rest of the members were waiting, while he escorted Soonyoung and Jihoon to the CEO's office.

The CEO looked exhausted when they entered his office.

"Sir--" Jihoon started but the CEO gestured for him to stop. He both asked them to take a seat, before looking at both of them. He stood up and grabbed a couple of water bottle and gave them to Jihoon and Soonyoung before speaking.

"I have already dealt with the situation. As of this moment, the situation is managed. We have the culprit in hand and Hyelim is dealing with him. The knowledge of this situation is limited to me, both of you, your members, and Hyelim. Please refrain from telling anyone else about this situation. The less people that knows, the better." He took a deep breath and gestured for them to drink their water.

"What's done is done, but Jihoon I wished you would have informed me the moment that you received that message. We could have dealt with this earlier without putting both of your careers at risk any more than both of you already have." The CEO explained, Jihoon was about to respond but Soonyoung was faster.

"Just like how you've dealt with Seungcheol and Jeonghan hyung?" Soonyoung asked.

"That's different--"

"Why, sir? why is it different?" Soonyoung asked.

"It was different because at that moment our company was already at adge of the cliff. No, we already fell off the cliff and was barely hanging on with one hand. A scandal like that would have pushed this company to bankruptcy. A scandal like that would have ruined not just this company, but the lives of the people who depended on us for their livelihood. It would have ruined the lives and dreams of the other 11 kids who trusted me to help them with their dreams. Yours included." The CEO explained. He knew how the kids saw his decision, but he had no choice that time. It was a life and death situation, and he chose the the only way that would not only save the company but even the dreams of those who depended on him.

"I know you guys see me as the villain in their love story. But I'm not. I made those choices not to hurt them, but to protect not just them, but all of you. Heck, Seungcheol has been with me for a long time. Even you Jihoon. I would not deliberately hurt him or any of you for that matter. I hope you look at that decision from my perspective, instead of just hating me for it for the past years."

Soonyoung and Jihoon just kept quiet. It was true. The company was in bad shape when they were starting out. The CEO had several talks with them about commitment and they agreed. It was only in later years that they found out that he took a loan for their debut. He risked everything for them. When they found out, they worked even harder. But that relationship had been marred with the news of how he treated their oldest hyungs.

"I don't regret that day. I never meant to hurt you guys, but it was the only way that I knew how to save us. It would have ruined everything if I didn't put a stop to it. Ruin things before we've even began. It was huge risk."

"You could have talk to them, Sir. Instead of forcing Seungcheol hyung to make a choice that ruined him and Jeonghan hyung. If you talked to them, they would have made the decision themselves and chose the option that would have been best for the team." Soonyoung explained.

"Like you guys did?" The CEO sigh and continued: "You look at the best in people Soonyoung. Your loyalty is your best trait but that will also be your downfall. I'm sorry but at that time, I could only see the risk. Maybe I should have trusted you guys enough to let you be, but I wasn't in the liberty to do that with the huge risk hanging on my shoulders. I'm sorry."

"I'm also sorry. I guess for people like us, it will always be to either live in the dream or to live freely. I thought I could have both." Soonyoung said. "I'm sorry."

Jihoon wanted to reach out to Soonyoung but he stopped himself. They were already in hot water as it is.

"No, it's my fault Soonyoung." The CEO said which shocked both of them.

"It's not your fault." The CEO interrupted. "It's my fault for trusting the wrong person. I'm sorry. Soonyoung, I don't want to get into the details because I believe that what you don't know won't hurt you. But I also don't want to keep things from you. So, if you think you want to know, then I'll tell you what we learned."

Jihoon was about to protest but Soonyoung shook his head. He wanted know. If he was going to protect himself in the future and maybe even his members, then he had to know everything.

"He was obsessed with you, Soonyoung. He has videos and pictures of you practicing, sleeping, eating, and everything else. Even ones when you were still trainees. But for some reason he kept all of them in his phone. I don’t know if we should trust his words, but he said those were the only copies that he has. I asked Seungcheol and Wonwoo to go through his things in your dorm while Shua and Vernon are searching his things in the office at the moment” The CEO sigh before continuing: “He also has videos of you with Jihoon, but only your face was visible. He admitted that it was because it was only you that he wanted to see.”

“I want to talk to him.” Soonyoung interrupted.

“No!” Jihoon yelled.

At the same time that the CEO said: “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I just want to talk to him.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, but if that’s what you want.” The Ceo gave in.

“Sir, please don’t tell me we’re allowing this to happen?” Jihoon protested, but the CEO just shrugged while he called one of the senior manager to bring in manager Yoon.

“We’ll leave you guys for—“

“I’m not leaving.” Jihoon said. He took a seat beside Soonyoung determined to stay. When Jihoon did not move one bit, Soonyoung sigh and faced the person torturing both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants:
> 
> Twitter ---> @soonhaee  
> 🐯 ---> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	53. A Forgiving Heart

Soonyoung stared at Manager Yoon for several minutes who squirmed under the stares of both people whose life he tried to ruin.

"Why?" Soonyoung asked. "I trusted you, hyung. So, why?"

"I'm sorry, Soonyoungie. But you drove me to the point of no return when you fell in love with him." Manager Yoon said. "I was desperate. I didn't want to lose you."

"So, you tried to destroy me? Because you can't have me, you wanted to destroy me?" Soonyoung snapped.

"No! Not you! Never you!" Manager Yoon yelled. He tried to move closer but Jihoon shook his head in warning, glaring at their once trusted hyung. "He hurt you. I saw how many times you cried because of him. I just wanted him gone and maybe even inflict the smallest of pain for the hurt he put you through. Was it so bad for me to try and protect you?"

Jihoon clenched his fist at his side. He wanted nothing more than to punch the other but he restrained himself for Soonyoung. He was right though, he did put Soonyoung through so much, but that was just because he wanted to protect the other boy.

"I don't fucking need your protection! Stop making it seem like you did it for me when we both know you did it for yourself." Soonyoung angrily said. "How could you hyung? I trusted you."

"Soonyoungie, I did it for you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. If my action's hurt you, I'm so sorry." Manager Yoon begged but there was no forgiveness in Soonyoung's eyes. "Please forgive me. I didn't mean to hurt you. You have to believe me."

"I forgive you, but only for the things that you did to me, but I can never forgive you for trying to hurt Jihoon and for the things you put him through." Soonyoung said with anger evident on his face.

"Why is it always him? I was by your side since the beginning, I was--"

Soonyoung laughed which startled both Manager Yoon and Jihoon.

"Don't compare yourself to Jihoon. He's a much better person than you. You will never understand the bond that we members have, because you haven't gone through the same hardships and pain that we all did. You were once a friend to me, but now you're nothing. I'll make sure that you pay for what you've done to Jihoon, even if it's the last thing I do." Soonyoung promised.

"Soonyoungie, please.."

But Soonyoung was already asking their CEO to take the man away. It would have been easier for him to forgive his hyung. He had been with them since the beginning and took take care of them through the years. But he couldn't find it in his heart to forgive every time he thought of the fact that Jihoon almost gave up his dreams. He could not find it in his heart to forgive after all the pain that he put Jihoon through.


	54. What Happens Now?

Jeonghan led Jihoon to his room, while Wonwoo made sure to accompany and take care of Soonyoung in Seungcheol's room.

Jihoon didn't want to leave Soonyoung, but Jeonghan convinced both of them to rest first before talking. There were plenty of time the next day. There was no need to rush. Jihoon didn't want to, but upon seeing Soonyoung's drooping eyes, he reluctantly agreed. But not before making Wonwoo promise to stay with Soonyoung at all times. He knew that everything that happened that night, the things that Soonyoung learned, and everything else had taken a toll on Soonyoung. Jihoon wanted nothing more than to be there with Soonyoung, but Jeonghan pointed out that he himself also needed rest.

After their talk with Manager Yoon, the CEO told them to go home and to trust that he will deal with it himself.

The rest of the members were in the living room with their sleeping bags and blankets. They decided to stay in one dorm at the moment, not really wanting to separate from each other after what happened. Seungcheol made sure that everyone of the members especially the younger ones rest. He tried his best to reassure everyone that everything was okay. The silence was deafening. None of the members really know how to deal with the current situation. All the know is that they have to stay together no matter what.

"What's going happen to Soonie and Jihoon hyung?" Chan silently asked as snuggled closer to Seungcheol whose sleeping bag was next to his. Seungcheol thought for a moment but couldn't answer. He himself did not know.

"Nothing." Joshua intervened. "Nothing will happen to them because we won't let it. They will rest and heal and they will be okay."

"What about Sajangnim? When-- When he asked Jeonghan--" Chan asked again. He didn't want anything to happen to both his hyungs and it scared him just thinking that the CEO will remove both his hyungs from the team.

"We're not going to let that happen, Chanie. Don't worry about it, okay?" Seungcheol finally said.

"We're not letting anyone take our two captains away." Vernon whispered.

"Yes, you're right." Chan said and smiled. He was reassured that his hyungs were in the same line of thought with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For rants:
> 
> Twitter ---> @soonhaee  
> 🐯 ---> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


	55. Is This Goodbye?

Soonyoung couldn't sleep. He was exhausted. He could feel the exhaustion till the tip of his fingers, but for some reason his mind refused to stop running. He stared at the ceiling willing himself to stop thinking and just sleep. He knew his body was tired. The day was physically exhausting but emotionally draining. He felt like he was jolt up to the reality of their situation. Now that everything seemed settled, he couldn't help but think of what happened during the past months.

He was a loyal person in general. He valued each and every member like his family. There was nothing that he wouldn't do for him. But he also believed in love. He believed that as long as there's love, everything will fall into place. Love conquers all, or does it?

Before, when he looked at Jihoon, he believed that it did. Every time Jihoon smiled at him, he knew there was nothing that he wouldn't do or give up for him. He was so naive he told himself. After that day's event, everything started falling apart. Doubt was starting to seep in. He almost ruined the lives of the other members. They were important to him too, so why was it so easy for him to risk their dreams for Jihoon he asked himself? Was love really that great? All it brought them was pain, but he couldn't and he won't, he told himself. He's not going to let the doubt win. He loves Jihoon and he couldn't picture a life without him.

In his room, beside a sleeping Jeonghan, Jihoon was also having the same thoughts. He almost lost everything that day. He almost lost Soonyoung, but the more he thought about it, he couldn't find a scenario where he sees both of them together. Soonyoung didn't think their feelings were a mistake, but after that day, was it not really? It put them and their team in a huge risk, a team that they claimed to love. They were selfish if they think they could go on after all that they put their team through.

But he love Soonyoung. He couldn't bear the thought of letting him go. Every fiber of his being was telling him to hold on. His heart was telling him to fight for their love. He imagined himself in a life without and Soonyoung and it was unbearable to even think of the same. He couldn't find the strength and the courage to live without him, even if he believed that they were making a huge mistake.

He took a deep breath and quietly stood up. He took a once last glance at the sleeping Jeonghan.

"I'm sorry, hyung." Jihoon whispered before walking out of the room. He needed space to think. He felt like being suffocated by the four walls of the room. He looked at the door to Seungcheol's room. Behind that door was the love of his life. He wanted so much to knock. He wanted to see Soonyoung, but he knew the other needed space and rest, so he let him be. There was plenty of time to talk.

He took the elevator to the top floor of their apartment building and then took the emergency stairs to get to the rooftop. He thought about what their CEO said, about how Manager Yoon had been violating Soonyoung's privacy with his perverted thoughts and he wanted to break things. He was getting angrier the more he thought about it. He needed to scream or he'll lose his mind. He needed space to sort out his confusion and anger. He needed space breath. He needed space to scream his frustrations. He went to the rooftop because he thought in space, no one can hear you scream.

But Jihoon was wrong. Soonyoung was there. When their eyes met, all of his anger melted away and was replaced by the need to hold Soonyoung near.They ran towards each other in an embrace. They stayed in the same position until their cries turned to whimpers.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Soonyoung kept repeating. Jihoon shook his head, disagreeing to Soonyoung's apologies. They hesitantly let go of each other and took a seat the cold floor. It was a cold and starless night, a foreboding of what's to come.

"I'm sorry." Soonyoung whispered.

Jihoon pulled Soonyoung closer to him. He made Soonyoung seat in between his legs and wrapped his arms around the boy.

"Stop apologizing. None of these is your fault. I'm the one who should apologize." Jihoon said while he made Soonyoung face him. He wiped Soonyoung's tears away with his sweater sleeves. "It's not your fault."

"He was after me Jihoon. You were just there." Soonyoung softly said. The guilt in his heart was starting to build, and he didn't know what to do except to apologize. He felt guilty for putting Jihoon through so much pain.

"It wasn't your fault. It was never your fault. He took advantage of you, Soons. We trusted him and he violated that trust.” Jihoon insisted.

“I almost ruined—“

“I told you. You didn’t ruin anything. It was my choice, and I’ll do it all again in a heartbeat.” Jihoon rested his forhead on Soonyoung's shoulder and whispered: “If you haven’t noticed, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for you.”

“You shouldn’t think that way. I’m not worth it.”

“But you are.” Jihoon raised his head to look at Soonyoung in the eye.

“I’m not just some mistake?”

“Never. You were never a mistake. You're the greatest thing to ever happen to me. Please stop thinking that way." Jihoon begged and held Soonyoung tighter. "I’m sorry. I put you through a lot when I should have just been honest with you. I just wanted to protect you.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?” Jihoon asked not quite sure of how to answer the question.

“Why are you trying to protect me? If you’re feeling guilty for—“

“Idiot." Jihoon flicked Soonyoung's forehead. "I wanted to protect you because I’m in love with you. I love you. That’s the only reason why.”

Jihoon pretended to think for a minute before adding: “Oh, and maybe because I didn’t want others to see you naked.”

“Yah!”

“Soons, those were our most intimate moments and he— he stained them with his perversion. I could kill him.” Jihoon said. He wanted physically hurt the person who cause all these pain. He couldn't stop thinking how Manager Yoon watched Soonyoung and all the perverted things he did thinking of Soonyoung.

Soonyoung noticed Jihoon's anger. He rested his head on Jihoon's shoulders.

“Should we?” Soonyoung asked.

“We should.” Jihoon answered.

"Jihoon-ah..."

"Hmmm?" Jihoon answered burying his face in Soonyoung's hair and just enjoying the closeness of the other.

"I'm in love with you too, in case you're wondering."

"Real?" Jihoon asked.

"Yeah." Soonyoung answered. Soonyoung snuggled closer to Jihoon, who suddenly stopped sniffing his hair and lowkey started kissing his head.

"But what about Rowoon?" Jihoon suddenly asked. Soonyoung was rubbing his nose on Jihoon's chest and stopped when he heard the question.

"Rowoon?" Soonyoung was confused. He didn't know what Rowoon's part in their story.

"Yeah, you're currently dating him, right?" Jihoon asked.

"What???" Soonyoung moved from his current position to take a better look at Jihoon who was taken aback with his reaction. "Dude, I only met the guy twice. In the salon and during the awards show."

"But the posts?"

"What posts?" Soonyoung was genuinely confused. He didn't know where Jihoon got the idea that they were dating, when they were hardly even friends.

"The ones in instagram?" Jihoon asked.

"Are you a sasaeng, Ji? Don't tell me you scoured my account and the poor boy's account just to compare our posts." Soonyoung laughed.

"You have the same posts!" Jihoon insisted, but added when Soonyoung didn't seem to get it. "On the same day! I don't think those are coincidences."

"That doesn't mean we're dating!" Soonyoung laughed at Jihoon's irritated look. "Come on, you know better than to rely on those things. Those are just coincidences. I was with Jeonghan hyung when I worked out. Jeonghan hyung also brought me the ice cream and bubble tea. Jeonghan hyung and Seungkwan were with me during the coffee run. The chocolates were also from Jeonghan hyung. He said someone gave it to him, but he didn’t want it. I’m not with Rowoon, Ji.”

Jihoon buried his face into the crook of Soonyoung's neck, sniffing as hard as he could, hoping to sniff all of soonyoung's scent into memory. He missed him so much.

"Why would I be with him when I'm irrevocably in love with you?" Soonyoung said. "I love you.. most ardently."

"Wow. Big words. What movie have you been watching?" Jihoon teased.

"Yah.." Soonyoung pretended to be offended but couldn't hold back his laughter. "It's from the book Pride and Prejudice, asshole. Wonwoo lent it to me."

Jihoon's laughter stopped when he heard Soonyoung's next words.

"Don't tell me you were jealous." Soonyoung teased. He thought that Jihoon was going to deny it. His answer surprised him.

"I was." Jihoon admitted. When Soonyoung faced him, Jihoon leaned in and gave Soonyoung a peck on the lips. "I spent every second of the day when we're not together just scouring the internet for a glimpse of you."

"Oh." Soonyoung blushed. Jihoon leaned in and kissed Soonyoung again.

"You have bewitched me body and soul and I love you." Jihoon whispered in between soft kisses.

"What?"

"Dummy, it's also from the book. Did you even read it?" Jihoon asked.

"Uhmm.. I actually just saw Wonwoo highlight that part." Soonyoung answered which made both of them laugh.

"You're such an idiot." Jihoon said but it was clear in his face just how much endeared he was with the other boy. "Soons, the words may not be mine, but it doesn't change the fact that that's how I feel about you."

The silence that followed was overwhelming. Soonyoung wanted so much to hold on and to fight, what he didn't know was that Jihoon felt the same. But there was still the lingering feeling of fear. Fear that both of them needed to overcome.

"I wish things were these easy." Soonyoung said. "I'm sorry for putting you through that, Jihoonie."

"Please stop apologizing or I'll kiss you." Jihoon said.

"Then, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so--" Jihoon captured Soonyoung's lips with his just to stop the other boy from talking. It made Soonyoung smile and then they eventually found themselves laughing.

"Do you want to run away with me?" Soonyoung asked. "You can write songs, and I could farm. I've always wanted to farm."

"Countryside?" Jihoon smiled.

"Yes, countryside." Soonyoung answered as he took Jihoon's hands.

He could do it, Jihoon thought. They could live off from the rent of his building and from his royalties. He could buy them a piece of land where they could build a house. He could even buy a small studio for Soonyoung if he wanted.

"You can have your own studio if you want. I can build you one, would you like that?" Jihoon asked.

"Definitely, I can teach kids. It doesn't have to be grand. I can farm in the morning, and then teach at night?" Soonyoung suggested.

Jihoon laughed at the picture of a farmer Soonyoung.

"I can write songs in the evening and help you in the morning. Water the plants, feed the pigs, and every other things that one needs to do in a farm."

"Yeah, like sweeping pig and cow poops."

"No, thanks." Jihoon said and laughed at Soonyoung's incredulous expression. "I'm just joking. I'll sweep all the poop that you need me to sweep. As long as you wear overalls without anything underneath."

"Yah! Your mind really."

"You can't blame me. I love you."

"Do you love me enough to get a tiger?"

Jihoon laughed as he ruffled Soonyoung's hair.

"I don't think that's legal, so would you settle for a small cat?"

"Hmm... If we're getting a cat, might as well just bring Wen Junhui or Wonwoo with us."

"The chickens will either be terrified or bored." Jihoon said just thinking about their energetic and silent friends.

Their eyes met for a minute and the next thing they knew their lips were dancing in tune with the beat of their hearts. Soonyoung pulled Jihoon closer to him, not getting enough of their proximity. No matter how close he pulled Jihoon closer, it was never enough for him. Jihoon's hands tightend on Soonyoung's waist, never wanting to let go. They were kissing until they felt the tiny drops of rain falling on them, but they didn't care. The night was cold, but they were warm.

"I'm so sorry." Jihoon whispered. Jihoon tightly wrapped his arms around Soonyoung, hoping for the time to stop.

"I'm sorry too." Soonyoung whispered as returned the embrace with the same fervor as he could.

The rain falling was hiding both their tears. The sound of the rain drops hitting the pavement, were drowning the sound of their hearts breaking. They held on to each other, not one of them wanting to let go. But they knew they should. They knew the right thing to do. They knew they couldn't go through it. They couldn't stay together. They weren't as selfish as they believed themselves to be. They loved each other so much, but they have to let go. They weren't being fair to the other members. They was too much risk. What happened made them realized that. In the end, the needed to lose each other, in order to be able to stay together, even just as friends.

 _I can't do it. I can't. Please don't make me. I love you so much. I can't bear it. Please. I promise I'll do better. I'll be better. I love you._ Jihoon thought. He wanted so much to beg and convinced Soonyoung that they should stay together. He was ready to promise anything. But he knew he couldn't.

"I love you so much." Jihoon whispered instead.

Soonyoung look into Jihoon's eyes and saw the words that Jihoon couldn't say.

_Let's run away, Jihoon-ah. I can't lose you. I refuse to lose you. I love you so much it hurts._ Soonyoung wanted to say.

"I love you. I love you. I love you." Soonyoung whispered back instead.

Soonyoung loosened his hold on Jihoon. He leaned in for one last kiss. Their eyes met in understanding. They love each other too much to make each other a selfish person.

It was the right thing to do.

They were letting go.

Hand in hand, they walked inside their building. When they arrived atthe elevator, Jihoon pressed the 8th floor, while Soonyoung pressed the 9th. They prayed for the elevator to slowly descend, but it was just wishful thinking. When the elevator door opened at the 9th floor, Soonyoung gave Jihoon one last kiss on the forehead and without looking back walked away. He was in front of the door of their dorm when his knees gave out. He was sobbing and clutching his heart when his knees hit the floor. Unbeknownst to him, that Jihoon was also crying on his knees for his lost love.

The next morning, Jihoon found himself going to the studio. He stayed in the whole day trying to clean up and play around with his equipment hoping for some inspiration. He was informed by the CEO that they already filed charges against the manager, and erased all pictures and videos of Soonyoung in the manager's phone, except for those that they needed to present as evidence. But the CEO assured him that the lawyer he hired was trustworthy, the case will be handled with utmost confidentiality. He stayed at the studio until 2 in the morning and was about to give up when a familiar face came barreling in.

"Jihoon-ah! Are you done?" Soonyoung came in drenched in sweat and sat at the couch.

"Yah! You're getting sweat all over the couch!" Jihoon protested. "Go take a shower!"

"I'm too exhausted. I'll shower at home, want to join me?" Soonyoung joked. It was a familiar banter. Jihoon was used to it. They have been doing it for almost ten years. Jihoon laughed and gave Soonyoung the dirty finger, his usual response to Soonyoung's teasing.

"Come on fucker. Let's go. I'm hungry." Jihoon said as he grabbed Soonyoung by the scruff of his shirt and pulled him out of the room. The went to their usual place for late night dinners. They ordered food that they usually ordered. Jihoon as usual ordered cola, while Soonyoung said he'd stick to water. Jihoon warned him that he wasn't going to share, but as usual Soonyoung wanted a sip, he sigh and gave him the glass. He was used to it. Soonyoung told him about his day. Jihoon told Soonyoung about his new ideas. After dinner, they walked home still talking about different ideas for the team. They decided they should have different age line unit songs. At some point, Soonyoung tried to put his arms around Jihoon, but Jihoon pushed him away. Soonyoung fell on the side walk, making Jihoon laugh. Jihoon ran away, his laughter echoing in the empty streets. Soonyoung ran after him. When they arrived home, they clapped hands before saying their goodbyes.

They were back to normal.

The two captains were back.

They were back to being Soonyoung and Jihoon.

They were back to being friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I know a happy ending would have been preferable especially since everything was eventually settled or will eventually be settled by the company. But I couldn't, for the life of me, imagine our two captains to put themselves first rather than the team. I am always with the impression that the two and even the whole group will always put seventeen first. They will always prioritize the team over individual goals and wants. I just think Soonyoung and Jihoon are selfless enough to give up love for the team.
> 
> Thank you for reading! ❤️
> 
> For rants:
> 
> Twitter ---> @soonhaee  
> 🐯 ---> http://curiouscat.qa/soonhaee
> 
> Comments and rants are welcome. ❤️  
> Stay positive!


End file.
